Zach's Lie

The tiny wooden astronaut is Jack’s imaginary friend when he is little and again takes part in Zach’s inner dialogue when Zach moves to Elko. Young Jack models Commander IF, or “Imaginary Friend” after his dad. Commander IF leaves on a mission to Mars when Jack is eleven but returns two years later when Zach loses everything in his old life, including Neil. Commander IF represents a connection to Neil and to Zach’s past. He returns to Zach’s mind when Zach needs a friend. Commander IF offers Zach familiarity, friendship, and comfort when Zach feels isolated and insecure. Zach’s imaginary conversations with Commander IF help Zach process the changes in his life and his feelings about them. Commander IF aides Zach in recovering his sense of self, supporting the theme of identity conflict.

Commander IF is a sounding board for Zach’s thoughts. Commander IF often confirms what Zach thinks, offers comic relief—like his refusal to bet Zach that Wanda’s mouth is hanging open at the sight of Elko—or offers advice. When Catalin finds Commander IF and tries to give him to Zach, Zach denies the toy is his—and immediately feels guilty. Zach is self-conscious of the fact that he has no other friends, and embarrassed that Commander IF is important to him. He believes that Catalin would think him childish for having an imaginary friend, and not want to be in a relationship. The opposite is true: Catalin senses that Zach values the toy, repairing and returning it to him without comment. Zach sees her actions as a sign of her kindness and her affection for him, commenting “What a girl” (130).

As the novel progresses, Commander IF comes to represent Zach. Commander IF tells Zach it is his “last chance” (210) to communicate how he feels to Catalin, and Zach voluntarily gives up the toy, sending Commander IF to Catalina in his letter. Commander IF becomes a “good friend” to Catalin in Zach’s absence, much as he helps Zach navigate new relationships. Zach’s sacrifice of his imaginary friend shows that he has resolved his identity struggle and is again comfortable with himself and the changes in his life. The sacrifice is also symbolic of Zach’s coming-of-age narrative. With his self-confidence and his father returned, Zach no longer needs Commander IF.

Zach’s journals symbolize his identity and his connection to his previous and present lives. Zach associates the journals with his dad. Since he was nine years old and wanted to emulate the way Neil wrote in his journal, Zach has completed one journal every year. Zach’s old journals represent what he feels is his real identity, who he truly is. Zach keeps the journals safe because getting rid of them “would have been like throwing my life away” (182), and Zach is not ready to give up his old life.

Journaling is Zach’s way of “keeping track of things” (128) and working through his thoughts and emotions as he transitions into his new life and new identity. They give the reader a window into Zach’s inner self. Zach comments that writing in his journal “is the only thing that has kept me sane through this” (182). Zach’s journals, however, compromise his family’s cover story and their safety. When Zach settles into his new identity, and the loss of his current journal makes him recognizes the threat to his new life, he is prepared to do whatever it takes—including getting rid of his old journals—to keep it.

Zach keeps the four older journals in his Jack in the Box—the special wooden box he and Neil crafted together. The box represents Zach’s connection to Neil and the trust he feels for his dad. The box is a pun on the old-fashioned children’s toy, in which a figure, often a clown, springs out when the box’s lid is lifted, surprising the one who opens it. The locked box keeps surprising secrets safe, but also traps them. Jack, his life described in his journals, lives symbolically inside the box, safe, but trapped.

Zach finds a dangerous surprise when he opens the box to discover Neil’s journal, and the Jack in the Box becomes more of a Pandora’s Box. Zach cannot help but read Neil’s journal, further endangering himself and his family. As Zach’s journal tells the truth about his life and exposes his secret, Neil’s journal also tells the truth and exposes Aznar’s secrets. The third section of the novel is titled “Zach in the Box” suggesting the trap that Zach finds himself with the journals, and the trap he and Sam spring on Aznar, “an upside-down Jack in the Box” (205). With the box open, all secrets are exposed.