Three Women

Taddeo explores how society perceives female sexuality as dangerous and subversive. Women who freely express and pursue the objects of their desire are critiqued and denounced—by both men and women. Taddeo opens and closes her narrative with her mother’s ominous warning to not let other women see her happiness because a woman’s struggles are more socially acceptable than the realization of her desires. This lesson is borne out through Taddeo’s interviews with Lina, Maggie, and Sloane’s communities. In terms of desire, Taddeo concludes that “nobody wanted anyone else, particularly a woman, to feel it” (304).

Taddeo implies that women feel less threatened when other women are unhappy, as opposed to when they are sexually liberated and exploring and enjoying their desires. These ingrained patriarchal structures, perpetuated and weaponized by women against other women, expect women to be selfless caretakers rather than independent, lustful, and desirous. Taddeo implies that there is a desire to see subversive women who prioritize their sexual needs fall. There is a sense that women who strive to achieve happy and passionate lives are presumptuous.

Lina’s support group expressed frustration at her restless unhappiness, believing that her comfortable house and stable marriage should be enough for her. People tell her “to shut up, to be happy with her children and her nice house” (100). Lina confided in a friend that she wished that “her husband would touch her and make her feel like a living thing” (152). Her friend laughingly dismissed her issues: “of course you feel terrible, you’re married!” (152). Lina’s desire for a life partner who adores, values, and desires her is dismissed as over-ambitious. Her desires are condemned by those around her as demanding too much. Taddeo summarizes the judgmental warning issued by women to other women: “if you fuck around, if you try to build a steam bath, may everything you fear come to pass” (304).

Maggie’s sexual and romantic desires are also weaponized against her. She is condemned at school for her sexual relationship with an older man, Matteo. In the aftermath of the affair, Maggie is labelled as a “dumb bitch,” a “slut” and a “whore” (66-67). In terms of Maggie’s relationship with Knodel, even those who believe her version of events condemn her rather than Knodel. This illustrates the way that the power imbalances that inform women’s experiences are made invisible. One of the jurors on Maggie’s case commented that “a young lady, seventeen years of age, should have known better” (200). The comment reveals that Knodel’s desire is not viewed as problematic, but that Maggie, the child in the situation, was supposed to regulate and control a situation she was not old enough to understand. Taddeo connects Maggie’s experience to her mother’s comments about female happiness. Maggie’s desire to be wholly loved, valued, and supported was ultimately portrayed as “impudence” (304).

Sloane, after the affair with Wes, is called “the same names that Maggie Wilken was called after she came forward, that Lina Parrish was called in high school after she was raped by three boys” (302). The affair was orchestrated by Richard, and Wes was the only one being dishonest in his romantic relationship, but tellingly it was Sloane who was condemned by her community. Taddeo invites readers to consider the double standards that define the sexual experiences of all three of her subjects.