Then She Was Gone

“That was how she’d once viewed her perfect life: as a series of bad smells and unfulfilled duties, petty worries and late bills. And then one morning, her girl, her golden girl, her lastborn, her baby, her soul mate, her pride and joy, had left the house and not come back.”

Laurel has always been a pessimist. Even before Ellie disappeared, she always saw the negative side of things. She hadn’t appreciated her “perfect life,” before it was taken away from her. Without Ellie, her favorite child, Laurel’s life falls apart. This quote characterizes Laurel’s negative personality and view of Ellie as her golden child, and it shows how Ellie’s disappearance devastated her life. 

“For years, though, she’d stayed close to home, in case Ellie came back again. For years she’d sniff the air every time she returned home from her brief sojourns beyond her front door, looking for the smell of her lost daughter. It was during those years that she finally lost touch with her remaining children. She had nothing left to give them and they grew tired of waiting.”

Ironically, Laurel’s loss of Ellie led to the loss of her other two children. Based on her conviction that Ellie burgled the house, Laurel holds out hope that Ellie might return. She’s so consumed by the “gaping hole” in her life that she loses sight of the family relationships that remain (37).

“Her fingers find the piece of paper in her pocket again; they rub against it and a shiver goes down her spine.”

As Hanna tells Laurel that she must move on now that they know Ellie is dead, Laurel touches the paper with Floyd’s phone number on it. Jewell employs foreshadowing through Laurel’s physical response to alert the reader that Floyd is connected to Ellie’s disappearance in some way. Even though Jewell gave the reader significant insight into Ellie’s disappearance early in the novel, Laurel’s “shiver” is an example of how Jewell continues to generate suspense and questions over how known details will intersect. 

“His house is exactly the same as her old house, just three roads down from where she used to live…Laurel knows what the house will look like on the inside before Floyd even has his key in the front door because it will look just like hers.”

Jewell’s decision to set the story in a particular London neighborhood, Stroud Green, creates a small radius in which all of the significant events of the novel take place. It allows the reader to act as the detective, gradually putting together the pieces that Floyd, Noelle, and Laurel all lived in the same neighborhood at the time of Ellie’s disappearance. Jewell’s repeated mentions of landmarks in the neighborhood, such as the café and Red Cross shop, contributes to the creation of a small area of town in the reader’s mind. 

“She hangs up a moment later and she holds her phone in her lap for a while, tenderly, staring straight ahead, feeling a sense of peace she never thought would be hers to feel again.”

After apologizing to Paul for the way she treated him when Ellie disappeared, a part of Laurel begins to heal. She wants to bring the family back together and mend their relationships. Her newfound sense of purpose from her relationship with Floyd motivated her to move forward in many areas of her life, and Jewell shows the connection between healing of grief and healing of family relationships.

“She doesn’t know, thinks Laurel, she doesn’t know that this isn’t how you grow up. That wearing shiny shoes with bows on and rolling your eyes at other kids is not a sign of maturity, but a sign that you’ve missed a whole set of steps on the road to maturity.”

Laurel’s thoughts about Poppy’s personality show the strangeness of Poppy’s maturity level. Although Poppy is amazingly intelligent and advanced for her age, something about her behavior feels wrong. This shows the way Floyd’s parenting shaped Poppy into a precocious child who is missing out on the true nature of childhood. Even though she is advanced, her hasty maturity is not natural.

“Laurel glances about herself. For so long she has been the story; the woman whose daughter disappeared, the woman at the press conference, the woman in the papers, the woman who had to bury her daughter in tiny fragments. But now here is another human with a terrible story. What other stories surround her? she wonders. And how many stories has she missed all these years while she’s been so wrapped up in her own?”

Laurel’s sadness has so consumed her that she has failed to see what others are going through. This realization marks significant progress in her journey towards personal healing and mending of familial relationships. Laurel gradually faces the way she mistreated others in her grief, and Jewell shows the reader how people are blind to the needs of others when consumed with sorrow.

“What’s happy got to do with anything? Look, we’re here for absolutely no reason whatsoever. You do know that, don’t you? People try and make out there’s a greater purpose, a secret meaning, that it all means something. And it doesn’t. We’re a bunch of freaks. That’s all there is to it. A big bunch of stupid, inconsequential freaks. We don’t have to be happy. We don’t have to be normal. We don’t even have to be alive. Not if we don’t want to. We can do whatever we want as long as we don’t hurt anyone.”

Poppy’s dark philosophy of life reflects Floyd’s teaching and furthers the theme that upbringing greatly impacts one’s ideas and identity. Just as Floyd’s nomadic upbringing negatively influenced him, Poppy is now being negatively influenced by Floyd’s dark mentality. Poppy’s ideas also further Jewell’s characterization of Poppy as peculiarly self-assured. 

“Of course, there’s still plenty of time for him to prove himself to be a psychopath. Plenty of time.”

Paul’s offhand comment after meeting Floyd is meant as a joke, but it serves as foreshadowing for a side of Floyd that has yet to be seen at this point in the novel. Jewell’s use of foreshadowing contributes to building suspense as the reader wonders about Floyd’s involvement Ellie’s disappearance. 

“Michaela. That was who I was not. Michaela, who was bonnier than me and nicer than me and yes, naturally, cleverer than me. And also much less alive than me. You’d think, wouldn’t you, that that would make me all the more precious to my mother and father. Well, at least we still have our lovely Noelle. But no.”

Noelle reflects on her childhood and the way her parents constantly compared her to Michaela, her sister who died as a child. Clearly, the judgmental nature of her parents took a toll on her and contributed to her mental illness. Jewell shows the reader the early life events that shaped Noelle into a psychopath, establishing the theme that one’s upbringing has far-reaching effects that greatly influence one’s identity. 

“Harlow Road is a turning off the high road, a section of the road that Laurel is more familiar with after watching the CCTV footage from the day Ellie disappeared so many times on the news. It’s exactly opposite the spot where the car had been parked, the one whose windows Ellie had checked her reflection in.”

Jewell uses setting details, such as street names and landmarks, to show the reader the relationships between significant locations in the novel, such as Noelle’s house, Ellie’s route to the library, and Floyd’s house. She centers the entire novel in one London neighborhood, which allows the reader to piece together the close proximity among these meaningful locations. Her choice to set the novel in a small area adds to the gripping and realistic nature of the plot. 

“And I approached her, and there it was, like a punch to the gut: Jesus Christ, she doesn’t know me. Not for the first second or two. I watched the memory slot into place like a slide in one of those carousels from the olden days and then of course she was all smiles and kindness. But it was too late. She had completely failed to verify my existence.”

When Noelle approaches Ellie on the street and sees the lack of recognition in Ellie’s face for a moment, Noelle becomes hurt and angry. She’s so insecure and desperate for love and attention, that Ellie’s delayed recognition pushes her over the edge. Noelle’s perspective shows the many small steps and events in her life that led her to this point of mental fragility, and how this feeling of not being remembered pushed her over the edge.

“She is wrong, she concludes, lying in his arms afterward. She is wrong about it all. The lip balm means nothing. Maybe Noelle bought herself fruity lip balms. Maybe her whole house was full of fruity lip balms. The fact that Poppy looked like Ellie was also neither here nor there. People looked like people. That was a simple matter of fact. And maybe SJ had imagined Noelle’s flat stomach.”

Laurel second-guesses the many strange connections she discovered between Noelle, Poppy, Floyd, and Ellie’s disappearance. Her mind constantly alternates between feelings of suspicion and dismissals of her unease. Jewell builds tension through Laurel’s fluctuating judgments and the growing list of details she discovers regarding Ellie’s disappearance. 

“And as she says it she drops a kiss onto the top of Poppy’s head, the way she used to do with all her children when they were small. And there’s a smell about her scalp, her hair, a smell that sends her reeling back in time: the smell of Ellie.”

Jewell uses specific smells to identify and characterize people throughout the novel. Just as Noelle has a distinct smell that both Ellie and Poppy notice, Poppy also has a distinct smell that reminds Laurel of her lost daughter. Jewell’s use of smells creates suspense and helps the reader piece together the clues to solve the mystery. 

“She’s back in her own kitchen in Stroud Green. In front of her is Paul. He’s wearing the same shirt, it tugs itself briefly from his waistband, he slides the teabags into the cupboard, he turns to face her. He smiles. For a second the two moments blend in her mind, the two men merge into one.”

Looking at Floyd wearing the same clothing as Paul, Laurel is struck with a moment of déjà vu. This quote shows the uncanny similarities between Paul and Floyd’s clothing and highlights Laurel’s growing unease surrounding Floyd. Jewell creates a suspenseful tone by highlighting strange coincidences that gradually plant doubt in Laurel’s mind.

“I’ve got a lovely surprise for you. Later on. A really lovely surprise. Just you wait. You’re going to love me.”

Noelle’s diction in her conversations with Ellie adds to the disturbing nature of her character. In the midst of keeping Ellie in captivity with the plan of impregnating her, Noelle fluctuates between a friendly, seemingly sweet tone and sharp words of anger and bitterness. Noelle’s mood swings and out-of-place friendliness show the reader her psychosis and create a disquieting sense of creepiness. 

“I could feel us coming loose from each other and I didn’t have a clue what to do about it. The only hope I had was that when the baby came you’d fall in love with it, that you wouldn’t be able to live without it and that we’d be inextricably linked. Forever.”

Noelle’s warped logic shows the reader her insane belief that Ellie’s baby will save her relationship with Floyd. Jewell shows Noelle’s psychosis while simultaneously showing her humanity. The driving force behind her horrific actions is her need for the attention and affection of another human being. A lack of love and human connection has led to Noelle’s mentally disturbed state. 

“It’s odd, you know, because when I look back to those days when I was her tutor I feel sure I must have dreamed the whole thing, because by the end I swear I had no idea what I’d ever seen in her. No idea at all. She was, after all, just a girl.”

A few years after Ellie’s death, once Noelle decides to dispose of her remains, she experiences some mental clarity, realizing that her obsession with Ellie was irrational. However, her actions show that she remains deranged. The fact that she proceeds to burgle the Mack’s house, then run over and dump Ellie’s remains, despite her moment of seeming lucidity, shows that she’s a sociopath and instills a sense of growing horror in the reader. 

“But then she remembers seeing that blonde girl coming out of the supermarket on Sunday morning, that smiling, golden girl who looked nothing like the sour-faced girl who greets Laurel at her door from time to time, the pinched child who never laughs at her jokes, the tired-looking woman who sighs down the phone at the sound of her mother’s voice. And it occurs to her for the very first time that maybe Hanna isn’t intrinsically unhappy. That maybe she just doesn’t like her.”

Laurel realizes that she completely misjudged Hanna’s personality and finally understands that her poor relationship with Hanna is because of Laurel’s resentment towards her. As a crucial step of her healing process, Laurel apologizes to Hanna and begins to mend their connection. Laurel and Hanna’s relationship illustrates Jewell’s theme of the impact of grief versus healing on family relationships. 

“Your boyfriend. His aura is all wrong. It’s dark. And she feels it, right there and then. Stark and obvious. Something askew. Something awry. You’re not who you say you are, she suddenly thinks, you’re a fake.”

Blue’s words return to Laurel as Floyd confesses his love for her, and all of the warning signs converge in her mind simultaneously. She seems to finally be convinced that Floyd is hiding something and is potentially dangerous, yet a few chapters later, she changes her mind and discounts Blue’s warning. This quote is an example of Laurel’s back-and-forth judgment of Floyd, and it contributes to Jewell’s tone of suspense and foreboding as the novel nears its climax.  

“‘I mean,’ says Blue, ‘that a man who can’t love but desperately needs to be loved is a dangerous thing indeed. And I think Floyd is dangerous because he’s pretending to be someone he’s not in order to get you to love him.’”

Blue’s assessment of Floyd contributes to Laurel’s—and the reader’s—changing judgment of Floyd. At this point in the novel, it is becoming clear that Floyd, like Noelle, has some mental issues. He’s desperate for Laurel’s love, but he is definitely hiding something regarding Noelle and Ellie. Later, from Floyd’s perspective, Blue’s assessment is confirmed when Floyd reveals he has never really loved anyone. 

“She woke up with her head on my chest and she changed into my clothes and walked barefoot through my house and drank coffee out of my mug and parked her car on my street and kept coming back and coming back and every time she came back she was better than I remembered and every time I saw her she was more beautiful than I remembered and I spent every waking hour in a state of raw disbelief that a woman like her would want to be with a man like me.”

Jewell’s uses stream of consciousness to depict Floyd’s thoughts about Laurel and to show how his affection for her borders on obsession. His feelings for her come across as simultaneously sweet and unnerving. This is the reader’s first glimpse of Floyd’s first-person perspective, and it shows the reader that, similar to Noelle, Floyd has some mental issues of his own. 

“Laurel catches Hanna’s eye across the room as they find their way to their seats. She smiles and Hanna winks at her and blows her a kiss. Her beautiful daughter. Her golden girl.”

By the end of the novel, Laurel’s perspective has completely changed. Even though she still misses Ellie, she sees Hanna not as a consolation prize, but as a wonderful daughter. Her entire journey of meeting Floyd and discovering what happened to Ellie led to reconciliation between she and her remaining daughter, as well as the chance to be a mother once more, for Poppy. Jewell ends the novel by highlighting restored mother-daughter relationships to show that Laurel’s healing process has come full circle.