The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2021

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Introduction-Stage 1, Chapter 2

Stage 1, Chapters 3-4

Stage 2, Chapters 5-6

Stage 2, Chapters 7-8

Stage 3, Chapters 9-10

Stage 3, Chapters 11-12

Stage 4, Chapters 13-15

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

Beta

Discussion Questions

Stage 3, Chapters 9-10Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 9 Summary: “Beginning the Cleanse”

At this stage of the story, Dante is faced with an ascent up purgatory’s mountain. Beck uses this transition to move her readers from inward reflection to the first steps of outward action: “Our own purgatory requires […] adjusting our outward behavior to match new inner truths” (180).

The main course of action Beck recommends is simple: “Stop lying” (181). Rather than going along with the rules or expectations of familial or social cultures that might impinge on your pursuit of your own values and desires, Beck advises her audience to refuse to play along with the culture’s priorities. We are lying when we pretend that onerous cultural expectations are actually what we want to follow, and to live in integrity, we should abandon such duplicity. This is difficult to do, because most people will experience significant pushback from their social circles for breaking the culture’s unwritten rules. This difficulty matches Dante’s experience of purgatory, where the climb is steepest at the start.

Beck shares more of her own story, relating the difficulties she encountered when she reported her father’s abuse and took action to leave Mormonism. Using an image from Dante’s journey, in which he is able to ascend the steep slope by using his desire to fly upwards, Beck tells her readers that the only way through is to desire their freedom above all else: “In other words, the only reason Dante gets past the lowest reaches of purgatory is that he just wants it so damn much” (186, emphasis in original). This desire is absolutely necessary for proceeding, so Beck advises not moving forward until the desire is great enough to carry one through. Even though she was fully motivated to move beyond the restrictions of her own culture of origin, the emotional consequences she faced in doing so exerted a heavy toll.

Chapter 10 Summary: “No Turning Back”

Beck now deals with how to manage the pushback we might receive after deciding not to abide by the unspoken lies of our social cultures anymore. She reminds her readers that receiving antagonism actually proves that they are on the right track, because it is a natural result of challenging the comfort zones that other people create within their cultural systems.

It is also natural to experience a sense of nostalgia for what one is leaving behind, even if it was a system that caused great pain in one’s life. Leaving a culture behind requires significant tradeoffs, and there will likely be relationships, rituals, and patterns of life that one will have to leave behind in order not to conform to the lies required by one’s culture. Beck advises, “If you […] find yourself missing your old culture, don’t panic. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time and space to grieve […] But don’t think that missing your old life means you should go back to it” (200, emphasis in original). At this point in the story of Dante’s ascent, he meets a gate where he is required to commit to pressing forward without turning back, and this is what Beck asks of her readers at this juncture too.

When one encounters “change-back attacks” (203) from others, it is helpful to understand what motivates them. Our changing behavior might run afoul of the errors of righteousness that others might have, and so spark reactions from their pride, envy, and anger. The way to move past them is the same method that Beck advised for internal transformation: first, to observe our reactions to the attacks; second, to submit our reactive thoughts to careful inquiry; and third, to move on.

Too often, both those who launch change-back attacks and those who receive them cultivate a sense of their own victimhood, but to move past this stage, one has to move beyond the role of victim. Even more, Beck says, we have to move beyond the temptation to play the roles of persecutor or rescuer, too—which, along with the role of victim, make up the three elements of the “drama triangle” popularized by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman. Instead, Beck advises considering the recommendations of author David Emerald, who encourages an empowerment dynamic in which potential victims instead take on the role of creators, persecutors become challengers, and rescuers become coaches. Instead of playing the victim, we should see what new and empowering dynamic we can create out of the change-back attacks we might receive.

Stage 3, Chapters 9-10 Analysis

With the beginning of Stage 3, Beck shifts from inward reflection to outward action, thus marking a major transition in the book. While Stages 1 and 2 focused on preparatory and internal aspects of the journey toward integrity, Stage 3 looks at one’s outward choices. The first half of Stage 3, represented by Chapters 9 and 10, is devoted primarily to equipping Beck’s readers with facing the challenges that result from implementing behavioral shifts like the ones she recommends.

This represents the major hurdle in the process, the one that Beck expects readers to have the most difficulty overcoming, largely because of the pattern of her own experience when she decided to make radical behavioral changes toward integrity. The challenges include emotions of fear, isolation, and nostalgia for what is being left behind, but most difficult of all, the “change-back attacks” launched by those whose cultural norms you are threatening with your new behaviors.

With Stage 3, all of the major themes come sharply into focus. The overarching theme of Integrity as the Key to Emotional Healing is emphasized and reemphasized, as Beck pushes readers to realize that mere internal reflection is not true integrity if it is not matched by commensurate changes in one’s outward behavior. Continuing to follow one’s culture in outward behavior will only perpetuate the adverse symptoms of duplicity as you concede to a life lived in opposition to your own deepest values. Beck contends that true contentment and healing can only be found when all of life, inward as well as outward, is guided by the wholeness of integrity, as expressed by our inner guide.

Beck also wants her readers to pay careful attention to their own responses during this period, which fits with the theme of Learning to Read Our Internal Signals. The challenges of this part of the journey are so fierce that it is inadvisable even to undertake it unless one’s desire to do so is overwhelming. By listening to our internal signals—especially our desire—we can discern the right time to begin this steep ascent to a life of outward integrity.

As we experience the challenges of leaving parts of our culture behind, we also need to be vigilant about reading the signals of our emotional health, particularly when we come under attack from those who feel threatened by our changing behaviors. Beck reminds her readers to continue applying the method of observing and subjecting their thoughts and emotional reactions to careful inquiry, so that they can be acknowledged without becoming overwhelming.

The theme of Finding Meaningful Change Through Small Steps likewise appears again, particularly in Beck’s emphasis on a cautious rollout of these new changes. Due to the severity of the challenges involved, it is worthwhile to move carefully, always staying attuned to one’s inner signals. Even with the counsel toward caution, however, Beck reminds her readers of the absolute importance of continuing to move forward. The steps might be small, but the overall change being undertaken is enormous, and it will falter if one does not maintain sufficient momentum of continued steps along the way.