The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World

In Chapters 3-4, Zaki examines how people “recast their own lives” (87) and develop more empathy as a result. Former hate group member Tony McAleer’s organization, Life After Hate, works to first change hate group members’ perceptions of themselves. In doing so, the organization is then able to help hate group members overturn their prejudices. Likewise, narrative art such as plays, books, and radio shows help people better understand outsiders through fictional characters. Each of these strategies helps reduce hate and rebuild kindness.

Zaki states that hatred of outsiders is not fixed in Chapter 3. As Tony’s story demonstrates, connecting with so-called outsiders can help reduce conflict (contact theory). Building strong relationships with others helps people better empathize with them. This notion is well-documented in scholarly literature. For example, studies have found white Americans are more likely to join Black Lives Matter protests if they live or work with Black Americans. Zaki notes that contact is one strategy for building a kinder world: “When it works best, contact offers evidence for outsiders’ worth and helps us believe in our own. It might also allow us to imagine a future in which outsiders are no longer outsiders at all” (73).

In Chapter 4, Zaki explores the power of storytelling in building empathy. He notes that “fiction is empathy’s gateway drug. It helps us feel for others when real-world caring is too difficult, complicated, or painful” (82). For this reason, it can rebuild connections between people, even in seemingly impossible situations like the aftermath of a civil war.

The radio show New Dawn is one such example. Initially, the show did not help the Hutus and Tutsis (the main perpetuators and victims of the Rwandan genocide) connect in-person. However, it did make more watchers believe that other community members were pro-reconciliation. Zaki states that “media often moves the needle in this way: first changing people’s impressions of their community’s beliefs and only later working its way into their own” (86).

Life After Hate and New Dawn both illustrate that there is no universal strategy for solving the empathy crisis. Instead, people need to tailor strategies to fit various situations. With Life After Hate, Zaki learned the importance of talking to people in specific situations to understand what strategies might work best. Tony and his colleagues disagreed that “contact was about changing people’s minds about outsiders” (71)—a viewpoint held by Zaki. From their experiences, “hate group members expect people to try to change their minds” (70). As a result, hate group members always have prepared counterpoints, threats, and tricks to counter such arguments. Tony, like his colleagues, began to change his worldview when someone showed him genuine compassion. Life After Hate starts here. Contact helps coax hate group members’ self-compassion, which, in turn, makes them more receptive to life outside hate groups.

Likewise, New Dawn spoke of reconciliation in a way that Rwandans were receptive to. Many Rwandans did not want to outright speak about the genocide. However, the radio show “delivered themes relevant to reconciliation—betrayal, cruelty, forgiveness—while avoiding opening up old wounds” (266). Rwandans saw themselves in the show’s characters. As a result, the show’s healing moments helped viewers consider reconciliation between the Hutus and Tutsis.

In Chapters 3-4, Zaki convincingly documents that the only way to build a kinder world is to bring everyone along for the journey. This will not be done with one overarching strategy, but numerous strategies tailored to address specific hatred.