The Ultimate Gift

“In the end, a person is only known by the impact he or she has on others.”

The author presents his central belief: that what matters in life is how people contribute to others. A life well-lived is one that seeks to give rather than take. It doesn’t matter how rich people become: If they’re selfish or hostile, their influence tends to be negative. Richness is in giving richness to others.

“He who loves his work never labors.”

The novel suggests that a job is an opportunity; to take it as such transforms it into a gift, especially if it fulfills the worker. Jason learns early on that work can be its own reward: A hard job done well is a source of pride. Work is not laborious, in the novel’s view, if it fills one with energy.

“Money is nothing more than a tool. It can be a force for good, a force for evil, or simply be idle.”

Jason has always had plenty of money. His second task is to disperse $1,500 to people who really need the help; this way, he’ll learn about how tough money problems can be. Jason finds several worthy causes, and his heart goes out to them, to the point where he adds some of his own cash. This money definitely becomes a force for good.

“It is a wealthy person, indeed, who calculates riches not in gold but in friends.”

The author again points to the main idea of the story: What matters isn’t money but loving friendships. Red Stevens would have been dead by age 40 were it not for his friend Hamilton donating his own kidney to save Red’s life. Were it even possible to calculate the value of such a friendship, it would be well beyond anyone’s bank account.

“Now, Jason, I know you think you have a lot of friends. But the reality is, you have a lot of people who simply want your money or the things it will buy.”

Red describes for Jason a major social problem of wealth: It obscures from the rich the truth about who their friends really are. Someone who always pays for dinner attracts not friends but hungry hangers-on. It’s hard to pay back a person who lavishes others with expensive things; it’s equally hard for the donor to know whether the recipient appreciates the gesture or simply the gain. Generosity is a virtue that becomes a liability, the author says, when used to impress others; the result is to be surrounded by greed.

“Education is a lifelong journey whose destination expands as you travel.”

Learning isn’t a one-and-done activity. It’s an ongoing adventure; its frontiers widen with each new bit of knowledge. Jason learns how much education matters when he witnesses, deep in an Amazon jungle, the miles people will walk to get to their village library. Knowledge, the author suggests, is inherently work.

“You can’t simply sit in a classroom and someday walk offstage with a sheepskin and call yourself educated. I believe the reason a graduation ceremony is called a commencement is because the process of learning begins—or commences—at that point. The schooling that went before simply provided the tools and the framework for the real lessons to come.”

Red Stevens, who never went to college, respects universities, but, as a lifelong learner, he understands that a degree isn’t the same as wisdom. Where most graduates believe their diploma is a ticket to success, Red knows it’s merely an identity paper that lets the owner through certain doors, beyond which they may attempt to be successful. Financial failure and triumph both await beyond the university gates; the benefits of ongoing learning, meanwhile, lead to a different kind of success.

“Problems can only be avoided by exercising good judgment. Good judgment can only be gained by experiencing life’s problems.”

This saying is a variation on older ones, such as William Blake’s admonition that a fool who persists in folly becomes wise, or Sasha Guitry’s remark that wisdom comes from experience and experience comes from foolishness. For Jason, it’s an admonition that he must struggle if he wants to grow. This again reflects the novel’s argument that all things of quality require work and struggle.

“If we are not allowed to deal with small problems, we will be destroyed by slightly larger ones. When we come to understand this fact, we live our lives not avoiding problems, but welcoming them as challenges that will strengthen us so that we can be victorious in the future.”

Red believes Jason’s indolent, rich life makes him like the bird who’s helped out of its shell and therefore is too weak to cope with problems and dangers. Strengths are hard to achieve, but, without them, failure is guaranteed. Jason thus needs to experience the tempering effects of troubles and frustrations, lest he fail the larger tests that come to all lives.

“Some people are born into wonderful families. Others have to find or create them. Being a member of a family is a priceless privilege which costs nothing but love.”

Relatives aren’t the only source of family, and sometimes the best families are those people adopt from among friends and acquaintances. Jason learns that what matters is the love people share with those closest to us, be they blood relatives or people we meet out in the world. Given or found, the best families are the ones that share a loving commitment to one another.

“I think family is not as much about being related by blood as it is about relating through love.”

Jason confirms, at the Red Stevens Home for Boys, that family is built on a deeper foundation than he knew. In spending a month caring for a group of kids who already relate to each other as a big family, Jason discovers his own need for connection and how deeply it affects him. The experience provides another piece in the puzzle of how to participate in life of caring about others.

“Laughter is good medicine for the soul. Our world is desperately in need of more such medicine.”

Jason meets David Reese, a young man with blindness and a big sense of humor about it. David teaches Jason that the biggest problems, in the novel’s view, always have funny angles that permit a person to laugh and release the tension of the struggle. Laughing at oneself makes every difficulty seems less serious and easier to bear. Without laughter, life can become oppressive and soul-killing. With it, the clouds of trouble part to reveal the sunlight of happiness. The author suggests difficulties should be focused on positively.

“Faith is all that dreamers need to see into the future.”

Regardless of the challenge, the future becomes, to a large degree, knowable if a person is dedicated to the outcome. Knowing in one’s heart that things will turn out well generates the effort and dedication that removes obstacles and clears a path toward success. The vision of a beautiful future powers lives in a way that simple self-indulgence never can.

“It is hard to feel the loss of someone you love when so much of that person remains with you all the time.”

Hamilton points out something little noticed during times of grief—that the value of a friendship remains long after the friend is gone. Its echoes continue to contribute to the life of the surviving friend, bringing joy as well as sadness to the memories. This quote harkens back to the joy and lessons Red provides after death through his taped videos.

“[D]reams allow us to see life as it can be, not as it is. In that way, the gift of dreams allows us to go out and get any other gift we want out of this life.”

Red believes that lives are driven by the dreams people have for their future. Without those dreams, people can wither and die; with them, life becomes a continuing adventure in accomplishment and contribution. Jason’s task is to discover the dreams that animate him and give him a purpose beyond merely spending his wealth.

“The only way you can truly get more out of life for yourself is to give part of yourself away.”

Having a purpose that includes service to others is the only way truly to have a satisfying life. Giving of oneself adds to others, who grow from the gift, which makes the giver’s world a bigger and better place. Giving is a power that generates the prosperity of mutual caring.

“It is important when you give something to someone that it be given with the right spirit, not out of a sense of obligation.”

Red turned himself into a money spigot that his family assumed belonged to them and that should always be switched on. Had he instead offered gifts of joy, his relatives would have felt grateful and might have wished somehow to prove themselves worthy of his gifts by giving themselves to others. This could have kick-started a virtuous cycle of giving and service that would have benefited everyone in the family and beyond. Red’s final hope is that this comes true for Jason.

“In those times when we yearn to have more in our lives, we should dwell on the things we already have. In doing so, we will often find that our lives are already full to overflowing.”

People notice things they want and then feel badly because they don’t have them. Impatience leads to feelings of inadequacy and fruitless struggles. They forget that within each person, no matter how beleaguered, lie the resources they need to obtain what they desire. When people realize they already have a bounty, the desired things become easier to envision in their lives. Jason finds that his own world overflows with people and things for which he’s grateful. He stops worrying about getting and begins to focus on giving.

“Life at its essence boils down to one day at a time. Today is the day!”

If, like Red, people could plan their last day of life to be special, how much more so could they make every day uniquely worthwhile? A life filled with excellent days lived one at a time is one well worth living. Planning a final day may seem morbid, but the real purpose is to learn how to live fully all the days that come before it. The author, in essence, suggests one should live everyday like it’s their last.

“‘I’ve never really thought about dying or the last day of my life.’ I smiled and responded, […] ‘there is a lot to be gained by thinking through the process; and I believe the younger you are when you learn this lesson, the more quality you will have in your life.’”

Hamilton hints that Red’s real purpose is to provide Jason with an opportunity to acquire wisdom early in his life rather than late, when there’s not much time left. The author thus advises young readers to avoid passivity and wasted days and instead search soon and often for insights that can enrich their lives. This sentiment again echoes the novel’s argument that life and meaning require work and pursuit.

“Love is a treasure for which we can never pay. The only way we keep it is to give it away.”

This chapter epigram is the only one that uses a poetic form—in this case, dactylic tetrameter—and it intones lyrically the final, and perhaps deepest, of the lessons Jason learns. Love empowers everything that makes us happy, and giving love away simply multiplies it. Love is itself the act of giving love; it can only be kept, the author suggests, when one continually gifts it to others.

“Somehow, I think life’s tragedies are made up not as much of the great failures as much as of the simple pleasures and kind gestures missed.”

Often people emphasize great achievements as the hallmarks of their biographies. Most of life, though, is ordinary, and if people ignore the daily gifts of learning, friendship, and contributing to others, they miss life’s ongoing benefits. Red’s purpose is that Jason learn to appreciate ordinary things because those are what make up one’s days.

“Anything good, honorable, and desirable in life is based on love. Anything bad or evil is simply life without the love involved.”

Red tells Jason that all the gifts he has received during his 12-month challenge round down to the single gift of the love people share with others. Every assignment Jason has undertaken during the year requires for its completion an attitude of love. He learns that love powers success and happiness; this insight turns Jason’s life completely around. It also becomes a guidepost: If love is missing, then unhappiness is not far behind.