The Person You Mean to Be: How Good People Fight Bias

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2018

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Introduction

Part 1, Chapters 1-3

Part 2, Chapters 4-5

Part 3, Chapters 6-7

Part 4, Chapters 8-11

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

IntroductionChapter Summaries & Analyses

Introduction Summary: “Good-ish People”

The Person You Mean to Be opens with an anecdote: Rachel Hurnyak, a queer woman, dreaded having to accommodate the emotions of her straight white colleagues after the mass shooting at the Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Rachel sensed that her colleagues, who saw themselves as good people, would need her validation, even as she was the one who needed support. Dolly Chugh uses the Pulse shooting as a point of departure for her discussion of identity claiming—how individuals want to be perceived by others (be it their race, ethnicity, gender, profession, or another identity). People crave having their identities seen and acknowledged, a phenomenon known as identity granting. By contrast, not having our identities granted—self-threat—results in anxiety. Studies show that the need to have our identities affirmed overrides our desire to be good (4). The need for affirmation rises when people feel that their identities are being challenged, which explains the reactions of Rachel’s colleagues.

Chugh studies the psychology of good people focusing on how people maintain their identities as good despite behaving badly. Some maintain their good identities by donating to social justice causes, supporting people from marginalized groups, and challenging the status quo. These good behaviors offset bad ones, producing what psychologists call a moral identity, or a measure of whether people care about being good. Chugh rejects absolutes, such as good and bad, and instead promotes the idea of bounded ethicality, or the psychology of “good-ish” people. To be good-ish is to be good some of the time but not all the time. Chugh also promotes the model of ethical learning, redefining what it means to be a good person as someone “who is trying to be better” (8), rather than someone who lives under the illusion that they are always good.

Chugh follows her discussion of the psychology of good people with two anecdotes. The first describes Sarah Weeks, an educator who avoided saying her student’s surname, Gita Varadarajan, because she didn’t know how to pronounce it. Sarah’s self-threat level rose when she learned that Gita interpreted her actions as arrogance and a lack of empathy rather than as a fear of offending. Her intentions, though good, caused Gita harm by withholding identity affirmation. Sarah rectified the situation by asking Gita to teach her how to pronounce her surname, granting Gita her desired identity. The second anecdote describes Lorri Perkins, a white corporate consultant who was asked to collaborate with a diversity consultant at work. Although the session made Lorri uncomfortable, it sparked conversations with Black friends about their experiences with police violence, systemic racism, race, gender, and other social issues. Lorri read books about social justice, rather than relying on her friends to educate her. After reflecting on her role in promoting social justice, she engaged in conversations about systemic racism in her capacity as a corporate consultant.

Chugh identifies her book’s audience as believers, that is, “people of all races, ethnicities, genders, religions, physical and mental abilities, and sexual orientations” (17) who believe in building a better world. She warns readers that they may feel shame and guilt as they read her book, but she encourages them to use these emotions to become builders by activating a growth mindset, seeing ordinary privilege, opting for willful awareness, and engaging with people and systems.

Introduction Analysis

The Person You Mean to Be is a guide for laypeople who want to learn how to fight racism. The book’s intended audience influenced Chugh’s writing style, which includes elements not generally found in academic writing. These include contractions (“we’ve” instead of the more formal “we have”); the first-person point of view; and direct address using pronouns such as “we,” “us,” and “you.” When explaining the importance of identity granting, for example, Chugh writes, “Each of us has an intense craving for others to see and acknowledge our various identities” (3). Similarly, using the personal pronoun “I,” she positions herself as someone who is imperfect, but willing to learn, like the reader her book addresses:

I study the psychology of good people. I see myself as a good person and yet my behavior is filled with evidence to the contrary. I cling to antiquated gender stereotypes. I defend systems that favor well-off, well-connected families like mine. I misidentify people of the same race […] None of this makes me proud (6).

Chugh’s admission that she is imperfect serves an important function: It reassures readers who want to learn how to fight racism, but who fear doing or saying the wrong thing. Tellingly, Chugh follows her admission with “good” behaviors that serve as foils for her “bad” ones: “I fight for equality, donate money to social justice causes, spend time supporting individuals from marginalized groups, and challenge the status quo” (10). Taken together, these passages give readers license to make mistakes and exemplify Chugh’s point about being good-ish. Employing this writing style and tone allow Chugh to lead the reader by example. No one is good all the time. Being good-ish requires letting go of the idea of being good and embracing becoming a better person: “Good-ish people are always growing […] Being goodish sets a higher ethical standard for ourselves, because when we are good-ish, we are learning” (7).

Aimed at general readers, The Person You Mean to Be presents complex material in a comprehensible, accessible way by using clear language and defining technical terms and concepts immediately before or after their first use. For instance, she prefaces her discussion of identity claiming with the sentence, “In speech and action, we express how we see ourselves and how we want to be perceived by others, a process organizational scholars call ‘identity claiming’” (3). Chugh also uses illustrative examples to explain complex ideas, sometimes drawing on her personal experiences, as in this example:

My husband, my children, and I all claim an identity as Indian Americans. My daughters also claim identities as Mets fans and as girls-but-not-girly-girls. My husband claims identities as a physician, a Punjabi Sikh, and a devoted dad. I claim identities as a woman of color, a do-gooder, and a loving mom (3).

Chugh draws on popular culture to similar ends: “Tina Fey may claim an identity as a funny person, but if audiences don’t find her funny, her identity as a funny person has not been granted” (4). These references, grounded in personal experience and shared cultural consciousness, render complex topics more accessible and encourage a deeper connection between the reader and the text.

In addition to personal and cultural references, Chugh uses anecdotes to explain her ideas and keep readers engaged. Indeed, all her chapters interweave anecdote, argument, and evidence to that end: “In the chapters that follow, science will guide us and stories will bring the science to life” (19). In the Introduction, the story of Sarah and Gita underscores how misunderstandings can spark discussions and learning. Sarah feared offending Gita and so avoided saying her last name, which Gita interpreted as arrogance and a lack of empathy. Dialogue not only cleared the air but also granted Gita’s identity. The anecdote conveys to readers that mistakes are both normal, giving them permission to take chances and risk awkwardness. Similarly, the anecdote about Lorri, who worked to educate herself about diversity and applied what she learned in her corporate career, highlights the transition from believer to builder, thereby giving readers a clear picture of how to apply Chugh’s concepts and strategies in their own lives.