The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life

Marin discusses how, when he was feeling confused about his faith, a priest gave him God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship by William Barry. The book presents prayer as building a relationship with God that is as fulfilling as a relationship with another human. The priest—Father Barry—suggested that “the way you think about friendships can help you think about, and deepen, your relationship with God” (115). As a result, many of the same characteristics of a healthy friendship are those of a healthy relationship with God.

Martin begins by focus on understanding on spending time with God, likening it to how a good friendship means making time for others. For one’s faith life, this can mean more than prayer, harkening back to the Jesuit spirituality idea of finding God in all things. He also remarks that it is also important “to spend time one on one with God” (116).

In friendship, it is also key to learn about the other person, just as it important to learn about God. One way to do so is by hearing others discuss their own experiences with God. He gives Sr. Helen Prejean, author of Dead Man Walking, as an example. She wrote that working with those in need is where she feels God most directly.

Scripture is another way of learning about God. It offers a way of inspiring as well as the history of God’s relationship with humanity. It also gives examples of how others through that history have gotten to know God. Martin also writes that it is critical to learn more about Jesus, and Jesus often uses parables, which are stories to communicate spiritual truths. He poses Jesus as a parable given by God.

The lives of holy men and women can help one to learn more about God. Martin talks about a friend he met during his novitiate named Joe. One day, Joe was waiting for a flight that was delayed several times before being cancelled. When he returned home, Martin asked him what happened and was surprised when Joe wasn’t angry. Joe replied that “There was nothing I could do about it. Why get upset over something you can’t change?” (121). In this, Martin saw God.

Honesty is also critical to one’s relationship with God. One can cultivate honesty by imagining God next to you or sitting across from you. While God may know everything going on, Martin writes that openness can give you energy, and this means sharing all emotions, even anger and disappointment. He recalls telling his spiritual director once that he swore at God, and his spiritual director said, “That’s a good prayer because it’s honest” (124).

Listening to God can take many forms. Martin gives the example of how Mother Teresa heard God’s voice telling her to leave her job to work with the poor in Calcutta. However, few have experiences like hers. Others might feel rather than explicitly hear God’s voice. Another way to listen to God is to think about what God might say in return, something that Ignatius suggests in the Spiritual Exercises. With this in mind, Martin turns to other common ways to listen to God’s voice.

The first is through emotions. One can feel joy in a Bible passage or feel anger about the treatment of others in scripture. A second way is through insights, which can come through asking for clarity and receiving it back in some way. It can also come through an insight in a story or other life experience. Next, a third way of listening to God is through memories in which one may find God in a particular memory at a certain moment. Finally, feelings both physical and emotional “can be signs of God’s voice” (132). Martin then returns to the importance of reflecting on one’s daily life as a way of hearing God’s voice.

Change is another necessary part of a healthy relationship. It can have both positive and negative effects on a person’s relationship with God. He discusses how rules can both organize religions, but it is important to move beyond seeing God as just a stern judge or distant father. This change can reflect other relationships, and Martin warns against viewing God solely as a parent. He cites Father Barry again, saying that the “relationship between an adult child and his or her parent is a better image of the relationship God wants with us as adults” (137). Ultimately, it is critical that one changes their view of God over time.

Making time to be silent and finding silence in one’s interactions with God is normal and important. Sometimes we go through periods when we do not hear from our friends. Spending silent time with God is also natural.

Martin finishes the chapter by noting that while the analogy about friendship between humans is like the relationship is an apt one, it is still an imperfect analogy, as God is always constant. However, it is a good model for making one’s understanding of God clearer and accepting that this relationship can change. 

Martin takes this chapter to look at different ways to pray, specifically within the Ignatian tradition.

The first is Ignatian contemplation, which Ignatius referred to as “composition of place” in the Spiritual Exercises (145). In it, one imagines themselves in a science from the Bible, using their imagination to allow God to speak to them. To do so, a person should choose a piece of scripture that they enjoy. Then, one should put themselves in the scene, moving through the five senses and engaging with the story. Afterwards, they should write down within oneself while imagining the story.

A second form of prayer is the lectio divina (“sacred reading”). It also uses scripture and can break down into four steps. The first is to read the passage, and the second is to think about how it might link to one’s life and why that is. Third, a person should then respond to God via prayer. The fourth and final step is to act. An alternative method is to think about a single word or phrase.

Prayer draws from two traditions, one that is “apophatic” and another that is “kataphatic.” The former refers to a way of thinking of God that views God as beyond understanding in which “one seeks to find God by emptying oneself of preconceived notions of the divine” (162). Kataphatic prayer, on the other hand, refers to viewing God in all of creation. This style fits more in with Ignatian contemplation and lectio divina.

However, the third method of prayer—centering prayer—is “a practice that seeks to find God at the center of one’s being without the intentional use of images” (163). It is apophatic. Centering prayer uses as inspiration the belief that as one moves toward their own center, they draw closer to finding God. The first step is to move into a place of quiet both internally and externally. Then, a person chooses a word and repeats it over and over while breathing in and out. If they become aware of other things, they then recenter on the prayer word.

Martin then turns to “colloquy,” which is how St. Ignatius referred to conversations with God or other holy people in prayer. This can involve asking oneself questions like “What have I done for Christ? What am doing for Christ? What ought I do for Christ?” (168).

Other methods of prayer can include communal prayer, rote prayer (like the Our Father, the Jewish Shema, etc.), journaling, and nature prayer. One can also use music as a form of prayer, and even work if can be done contemplatively.