The Husband's Secret

Rachel, home from the Tupperware party, takes a hot bubble bath. While she bathes, she thinks about Connor Whitby, who was been a suspect in Janie’s murder in 1984. Ed and Rachel had forbidden Janie from dating until after she’d graduated from high school. They didn’t known about Connor until the police investigation after Janie’s death. Rachel reflects on how she struggles to work with Connor and how she waffles between thinking he couldn’t possibly be guilty and thinking that he must be. She reflects, too, on her anger towards her husband, Ed, for dying before her. Rachel also feels guilty for being alive when her parents, husband, and daughter have all died. When it comes time to get out of the bath, Rachel doesn’t have the strength. She wonders how and when her body became old and frail. After a couple of failed attempts, she uses her foot to unplug the tub and waits until the bath is empty to get out of the tub. After a moment’s thought, she knocks a nice candle gifted to her by Lauren off the countertop so that it shatters.

Cecilia and John-Paul make love for the first time in six weeks. Cecilia has trouble focusing, but she tries to convince herself that the sex is very good and that things are normal. John-Paul asks about the letter as they’re both falling asleep. Cecilia lies and tells him that she put the letter back in one of the shoe boxes. Later, she wakes up and finds John-Paul gone. She hears him moving around frantically in the attic, presumably looking for the letter. Deeply concerned about what’s going on, Cecilia goes directly to her office and finds the letter where she’s actually put it. She opens it and begins to read.

Tess wakes in her childhood bedroom, which has been converted into a guest bedroom. She reflects on a conversation she had earlier with her mother in which her mother claimed that she’d been relieved that Tess was not a twin, only to come to find that Tess was “worse than a twin” with Felicity (172). Lucy explains that she wasn’t surprised about Felicity and Will’s affair because Felicity “never let you have anything just for yourself” (171). She cites a series of interests that Felicity followed Tess into: piano, netball, advertising. Tess thinks about her own history of sharing with Felicity. She wonders if she gave so much of her life—family vacations, mothering Liam, time with her husband—to Felicity because she secretly thought Felicity was too fat to get to have—or even want—her own life. Then she remembers the terrible summer of her parents’ divorce and how much Felicity did to make her feel better. Restless, she takes her mother’s car for a drive. At the gas station, she runs into Connor Whitby on his motorcycle. 

At 11:30pm, Rachel awakens from a nightmare that had something to do with water. The house smells like vanilla because of the candle she broke earlier, and her mouth is dry from drinking alcohol earlier. She knows she won’t be able to go back to sleep, so she sets up her ironing board and looks for a movie to watch on the VCR. She finds an old episode of Sons and Daughters, but after the program, the tape contains footage of Janie interviewing Connor Whitby. Janie is more beautiful than Rachel remembers, but also far too thin. Rachel watches their awkward adolescent flirtation on screen and observes that Connor is clearly “smitten” with Janie. Janie asks if Connor has a girlfriend, and he turns the question around on her, asking, “I don’t know. Do I have a girlfriend?” (182). Janie replies flippantly, which angers Connor. He stands to stop the interview and turns the camera off. Rachel, convinced she’s found new evidence, dials the investigating detective on Janie’s case, Sergeant Bellach. 

Back at the gas station, Tess tries to remember the details of her relationship with Connor. She was 19, and he was 10 years older. She remembers that he was more invested in the relationship, and she thinks it’s possible she treated him badly. At that age, she went out with a lot of boys. She thought she’d been attractive enough to be interesting but not so attractive that she was intimidating. She remembers that she always said yes when someone asked her out, thinking, “it wouldn’t have occurred to her to say no” (185).

Connor asks her to get a cup of coffee sometime. Tess wonders if it's a proposal for a date, but Connor quickly asserts that his nephew, Benjamin, has just graduated university and is thinking of getting into advertising, so Tess could provide some advice. Tessa marvels that Benjamin, whom she knew as a preschooler, is old enough to have finished university. She asks after Connor’s sister, and Connor says she died of a heart attack and that he is Benjamin’s guardian. She agrees to the coffee, but as the conversation turns flirty, her mood changes, and she feels sick and miserable. Connor seems to sense the shift and quickly leaves. As Tess watches him go, she remembers his waterbed and plain apartment and recalls that she had her first orgasm there.