The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 1997

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-3

Chapters 4-6

Chapters 7-9

Chapters 10-12

Chapters 13-15

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

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Themes

Recognizing True Fear and Honoring Intuition

Throughout The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, Gavin de Becker stresses the importance of recognizing true fear as rare. It is a reliable response honed by evolution, triggered in the presence of true danger. As shown in the title his book, de Becker venerates fear, identifying it as an asset and source of comfort. He wants the reader to understand that fear does not require pause, evaluation, and weighing of options. Fear guides, which is why he does not address how to engage or outwit an attacker. Instructions fail to appropriately or effectively address potentially violent scenarios, and often become inaccessible or irrelevant in the moment of violence. Fear is easily discernable from other biological responses and assumes control when necessary.

de Becker also stresses the importance of rejecting Western culture’s devaluation of intuition. Intuition is often cast as frivolous and therefore unreliable, with those who give it credence being seen as overly anxious. In Western culture, logic is required to gain respect—however, de Becker argues intuition is more credible than skepticism. Intuition, like fear, is grounded in subconscious processing of data. While this sense must be trusted, de Becker does not advocate obedience without reflection: Intuition alerts and unnerves to the point of curiosity, and he guides the reader through the process of assessing it and identifying how to proceed in various situations.

Perpetual Anxiety as a Hindrance to Safety

de Becker acknowledges that for many, worry is a coping mechanism that only feels helpful. It makes one feel safer, as considering potential disasters creates the illusion of control over future dangers. However, this approach to the world hinders mental health and recognition of true danger: Hypervigilance obscures the survival signals sent by intuition and fear by fixating on the plethora of information made available by one’s environment. De Becker reframes anxiety with this tendency in mind: To him, worrying is good news, because it means one is not in a state of true fear, and is therefore safe. Most potential outcomes will never happen, thus making worrying about them a waste of time. When worries do surface, de Becker suggests checking for potential actions to increase personal safety. If there are none, the person is simply worrying. This makes the process of worrying a danger in itself because it blinds one to comprehensive information. De Becker stresses the importance of remaining open while acknowledging the difficulty of navigating the world with ingrained habits. Overall, he hopes those burdened by anxiety or worry are able to recognize an alert mind as more helpful in preparing oneself for uncertainty.

Doubt and Risk

de Becker warns intuition’s greatest enemy is doubt: Even when one’s intuition is activated, they are often conditioned to ignore it as unsubstantiated. They often search for alternative explanations to justify ignoring survival signals. Following instincts is seen as irrational or grounded in prejudice should a person experience a negative response to people of a specific demographic. However, experiencing intuition is not necessarily a product of racism, classism, or the like. This sense is fueled by potentially suspicious behavior rather than shallow identifiers like appearance. Overall, the elevation of courtesy in Western society conditions people to approach strangers and problematic parties with leniency. De Becker does not advise hostility toward these people, as it continues engagement, but does advise discontinuing overt politeness. Courtesy involves further contact, providing more opportunities for misunderstanding. De Becker frames being “nice” as a behavioral choice employed by both predators and would-be victims—not a trait—and discourages doing so with parties who prove irrational. For those whose intentions are predatory from the start, a target’s pleasant behavior enables belief in their own “niceness” and encourages future attempts at “friendship” or “romance.” No “friend” or “partner” who disrespects autonomy is worth risk of connection; this logic applies to the workplace as well.

Empowering Women

de Becker asserts cultural constructs surrounding femininity do women a great disservice—including the framing of women as gracious and open to men’s advances. This framing acts against women’s privacy and safety, their very survival. Women are taught that men who express romantic interest are in a vulnerable position, and that their egos should be assuaged at the expense of their own vulnerability. Thus, they are conditioned to use evasive language to reject advances and explain their unavailability for dating. The biased socialization of adolescent boys and young men create adult men who believe women enjoy being pursued, regardless of their body language and words. Women are thought to initially reject men to “play hard to get,” to invite further pursuit without voicing it. Even outside of the context of romance, they are thought to be ignorant of their own desires. While many men recognize this sexism, others fail to recognize their own behavior as invasive or unwanted. For this reason, de Becker is adamant that men are not in a position to criticize or discredit women’s precautions. To him, the only effective approach to predatory men is to not entertain them, to refuse them explicitly and loudly once. While this is easier said than done, being indirect often leads to greater danger. Empowering women requires reassuring women that they have a choice in rejecting potential partners and leaving abusive partners.