The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

Mike, the owner of a travel agency, had a brief conversation with a young man interested in the business. The applicant presumed a collaborative relationship, and began calling Mike’s office, ignoring his kind rejections. When Mike began responding harshly in an attempt to dissuade the pursuer from further contact, the pursuer escalated in frequency and hostility. De Becker’s assistance was sought when the pursuer began involving Mike’s staff and wife, Jackie. In American culture, enthusiasm and tenacity hold value because they are considered indicative of ambition. Those who reach high levels of achievement often do so because they commit to their goals with enthusiasm and tenacity. Mike initially admired what he perceived as the applicant’s ambition, but mistakenly assumed his pursuer would understand his listening ear as courtesy. Mike’s pursuer wanted to maintain contact, regardless of Mike’s own intent; his escalation of contact was an attempt to invest Mike. During their guided discussion, de Becker enlightened Mike: Predictions based on one’s own thoughts and feelings will always paint an incomplete picture of potential reactions. There will always be people who actively disregard rejection and misconstrue others’ words to justify their own goals. De Becker dealt with Mike’s pursuer by screening his correspondence at the travel agency, which he advises doing instead of changing one’s contact information. Then, a person should provide desired contacts with new, private contact information. Pursuers like Mike’s only cease harassment once they find a new target to feed their need for attention.

Safety in the workplace is often challenged by forced proximity to toxic employers and coworkers. A combative, manipulative, and often incompetent individual, The Scriptwriter, as de Becker calls them, represents the most disruptive person at work. Their irrational, violent behavior potentially impacts others’ work and overall wellbeing. Employers should not tolerate this behavior, instead firing these individuals; waiting to do so can reinforce The Scriptwriter’s idea that termination is not justified, as they often refuse or lack the capacity to take responsibility for their actions. De Becker encourages termination procedures that emphasize the finality of the decision while expressing optimism about The Scriptwriter’s future elsewhere: Firing at the end of the day on the last day of a work week minimizes contact with former coworkers and disruption to routine. Corporations should have security measures in place to deal with potential retaliation. The best way to avoid The Scriptwriter is to avoid hiring them in the first place. In probing the backgrounds of employees who later proved problematic, de Becker has habitually discovered information regarding personality-related deficits. He insists on scrutinizing resumes, contacting references, and evaluating for self-awareness.