The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 1997

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-3

Chapters 4-6

Chapters 7-9

Chapters 10-12

Chapters 13-15

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

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Discussion Questions

Chapters 1-3Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 1 Summary: “In the Presence of Danger”

Content Warning: The Gift of Fear’s purpose is to help the reader avoid violence. While not graphic, it depicts murder, sexual abuse, sexual assault, stalking, extortion, exploitation, and domestic violence, with some examples involving children.

Gavin de Becker opens The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence with the story of Kelly, a woman who survived kidnapping, sexual assault, and attempted murder. Hoping to understand how she became a target but emerged alive, Kelly sought consultation. As de Becker guides her through each moment of her ordeal, she uncovers new insights. On the day of the attack, she returned home with groceries and was annoyed to find the door to her apartment building open, and closed it firmly. When Kelly heard a voice behind her on the stairs, she did not consider the idea that her attacker had been waiting inside the building—for she hadn’t heard the door open again. She was frustrated and apprehensive when her attacker, a seemingly friendly man, insisted on helping with her groceries. Eventually, she was disarmed by his manipulation. Kelly’s attacker maintained this façade until he was inside her apartment, where she endured hours of sexual assault. When her attacker left with instructions to remain in place, promising not to kill her, she became certain that he would. She recalls feeling true fear, and attributes her next actions to primal instincts. Kelly crept behind her attacker until she reached the front door, escaping into a neighbor’s apartment. With de Becker’s guidance, she realizes true fear set in when her attacker closed her window—as he did so to silence her screams. In other words, her body instinctively reacted to her would-be murder. De Becker differentiates between Kelly’s intuition, the mental signals she received before her attacker revealed his intentions, and true fear, which instinctively engaged when her mind detected a threat. He declares all people possess protective attributes, and the ability to interpret them facilitates the highest probability of safety.

Chapter 2 Summary: “The Technology of Intuition”

de Becker believes Western culture’s censure and dismissal of intuition as an “unreliable” sensation is not only incorrect, but dangerous. He also notes a gender disparity in intuition, grounded in sexism: Men speak with authority and confidence, a “gut feeling,” while women are “irrational.” All people possess intuition, and no one has “better” or “more” intuition than others. Doubting one’s intuition undermines the ability to engage effectively, as it is a marriage of curiosity and present deduction. This sense protects the bearer from harm and resembles fear, in that intuition is a matter of body and mind. However, while people tend to honor others’ stories of intuition, they do not grant themselves the same grace; in general, they tend to conjure alternate explanations for others’ potentially dangerous behavior. Self-doubt causes people to chastise themselves for harboring unconscious bias or unnecessary worries. However, de Becker identifies such signals as satellites, critical pieces of information encoded and pinpointed by intuition. These satellites are often identified when verbalizing an account of violence, or evaluating information which can assist with predictive decisions about safety. They may appear inconsequential, but are critical.

Chapter 3 Summary: “The Academy of Prediction”

de Becker cautions against differentiating oneself from those who commit crimes, because in order to predict others’ actions, one must acknowledge all humans’ potential for violence. He encourages the reader to see violent people as not lacking humanity, but operating by different rules and values. He blames the media and inattentive bystanders for perpetuating the myth that violence cannot be predicted, citing neighbors of criminals who fail to identify potentially problematic behavior. This behavior includes “recklessness […] bravado […] single-mindedness,” a need for control, and lack of affect when confronted with hostility. People frequently deny their own potential to act aggressively or defensively, but would not hesitate to do so for loved ones: “all that changes is our view of the justification” (48).

Chapters 1-3 Analysis

Kelly’s story is the first of several in The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, each unique in its setting and dangers. Gavin de Becker’s concepts are universal but reliant on correct application of strategies. By dissecting these concepts, de Becker allows the reader to engage in discussion akin to Kelly’s guided one. In opening with her story, he presents an opportunity to absolve oneself of thinking they are to blame for being harassed or attacked. Rather, he wrote The Gift of Fear to provide approachable, applicable advice for avoiding harassment and attacks. Overall, de Becker’s tone is empowering: Through reassuring Kelly that she is not responsible for her attack, he does the same for the reader.

de Becker also empowers the reader by defining intuition as universal, something that no one possesses a “better” version of. Some people simply do not respond to it, because they have been dissuaded from “overreacting.” Those who appear more intuitive simply honor their intuition, and reap greater benefits. De Becker encourages trust in oneself, as Kelly’s doubt is what left her vulnerable to manipulation. After her attack, she sought de Becker’s help to understand how and why she was targeted. However, she alone was capable of uncovering her satellites, critical pieces of information encoded and pinpointed by intuition, in hindsight. While de Becker didn’t provide answers, because he couldn’t, he did teach Kelly the art of Recognizing True Fear and Honoring Intuition. Everyone possesses survival expertise because everyone experiences intuition and fear. De Becker’s guided discussion with Kelly—and by extension, his book—examine intuition and fear to inform future safety.

Furthermore, de Becker differentiates intuition from bigotry: Intuition is instantaneous and protective, while bigotry is a product of ingrained beliefs. Intuition is a survival tool based on assessing behavior, not appearance or other identifiers. This idea introduces the theme of Perpetual Anxiety as a Hindrance to Safety. Though de Becker does not explicitly instruct the reader to abandon prejudice, he does frame identifiers as inaccurate predictors of violence; in other words, profiling is a detriment to intuition, logically and morally. Fixating on irrelevant details increases one’s risk of danger by obscuring relevant information.