The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

When addressing how to react to unwanted pursuits, romantic or otherwise, de Becker advises discontinuing communication and limiting access. In 1997, when The Gift of Fear was written, the internet was in its infancy. Gavin de Becker & Associates’ clientele include public figures like politicians and performers, whose exposure to and interactions with fans have increased with the internet—through posts, comments, and livestreams. In addition to professional stills and videos of their work, these figures’ private lives are also often shared. Obsession with public figures—which sometimes manifests as a parasocial relationship or stalking—has increased risks to personal safety, but security firms like Gavin de Becker & Associates seek to mitigate them.

While most users of social media are non-celebrities with small followings, if any, their online activity can still prove risky. For example, a former partner may continue to monitor one’s online interactions after a break-up without the proper security measures—like blocking. However, considering the encompassing nature of the internet and apps, security measures sometimes fail to protect oneself from unwanted attention. Celebrities often employ managers to carefully curate and monitor their social media, thus providing a buffer between them and fans—however, increasingly success relies on engagement, on framing oneself as a friend or role model to followers. Some celebrities even welcome viewers into their homes through livestreams, to display affiliated or sponsored products, and inadvertently, clues regarding their location. Willingly tagging one’s locations may increase engagement—especially with local businesses—but it also provides information about one’s daily routine. As de Becker mentions in his book, young actress Rebecca Schaeffer’s stalker-turned-murderer was encouraged to act by a single kind letter. With that said, much debate has arisen around the ethics of child safety, privacy, and labor laws, in light of the number of influencer parents who enlist their children to bolster popularity.

Influencers are flooded with praise and threats alike, the latter often being the case when unfavorable information surfaces about someone whose followers see them as a friend or role model. Many followers experience a sense of betrayal, as per the nature of parasocial relationships, and unfollow the person’s social media, while others partake in online or real-life harassment. Influencers with relatively small followings may not anticipate the risks of visibility but escalation might very well require a security firm like Gavin de Becker & Associates.