The Comfort Book

Part 3 begins with a quotation by Laura Esquivel: “Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us” (131).

In “Candle,” Haig states that even when one cannot see clearly what they have, they have not ceased to have those things. However, light shows that “what we thought was lost was merely hidden” (133).

In “A bag of moments,” Haig recommends saving, writing down, and placing moments in a “metaphorical bag” (134). Preserving happy moments in this way can facilitate present and future happiness.

“Your most treasured possession” advises readers not to “ruin” the present with thoughts and anxieties about the future.

In “Wolf,” Haig encourages readers to feel what they feel rather than resisting.

In “Burn,” Haig describes a sleepover on New Year’s Eve when he was 16; he had drunk a lot of cider and was standing too close to a fire, and he accidentally burned his leg. Despite the severity of the injury, he turned down the offer of an ambulance and could not sleep that night due to the pain. He walked six miles home, limping, sober, and in excruciating pain. After he returned home, he went to the hospital. At the hospital, the specialist cautioned him against delaying while in pain or pretending the pain doesn’t exist.

In “Virtue,” Haig reminds readers that humans are imperfect. According to Haig, to achieve true virtue we must look inward and acknowledge our flaws, though doing so requires courage.

In “An asymmetric tree is 100% a tree,” Haig again notes that perfection does not exist. For example, the idea of a perfect square is an ideal and is only used as a reference. However, society implies that people can achieve perfection under the right conditions, causing people who “fail” to feel worse about themselves. Haig compares Plato and Aristotle’s respective viewpoints on perfection, noting that where Plato describes any given tree as a shadow of an ideal tree, Aristotle sees each actual tree as encompassing the ideal. Haig advises readers to work with what they have and embrace their imperfections.

In “You are more than your worst behavior,” Haig urges readers to speak kindly to themselves. If a person believes that people hate them, they will behave in a way that fulfills that expectation. Again, Haig warns against binary thinking—specifically, judging oneself forever for one mistake. Haig stresses the difference between who people are and what they sometimes do.

“Warm” reminds readers not to worry about what other people think. He advises them to strive for warmth of life and warmth of people rather than striving to be “cool.”

“Dream” comments on the remarkable improbability of existence. Haig notes that for any given person to exist, every ancestor not only needed to stay alive and meet a mate but also reproduce. Yet despite the “absurdity” of any person’s existence, the fact remains that they exist. Haig repeats the affirmation that nothing is stronger than a small hope that doesn’t give up.

“Clarity” reiterates that simply existing is “enough.”

In “The importance of weird thinking,” Haig states that it is good to be eccentric. He states the importance of cultivating what is unique as one grows older because those weird thoughts are what keep life fresh and interesting.

In “Outside,” Haig reminds readers that there is also a comfort to being outside as well as inside and associates freedom with being outside.

In “Realization,” Haig shares that he used to worry about fitting in until he realized the reason he didn’t: because he did not want to.

In “The way out of your mind is via the world,” Haig explains that at the age of 32, Ludwig Van Beethoven’s deafness began to progress, which brought him great despair. However, because of his drive to create, he stayed alive to compose some of his greatest works, including Moonlight Sonata, which he wrote when he was entirely deaf. Haig writes that many masterpieces have been created by sensitive-minded people who found purpose through art. Haig advises readers to immerse themselves in their passions and notes that being curious or passionate about something external quells anxiety by pulling one outside of their own mind. Haig recommends that readers find a passion as large as their fears.

“Joy Harjo and the one whole voice” quotes poet and musician Joy Harjo on finding one’s purpose in life. Joy Harjo was born in Oklahoma and is a member of the Muscogee (Creek) Nation. She advocates for the rights of Indigenous Americans, for feminism, and for climate change—issues she feels are interconnected. She is the first Indigenous American to become the United States’ poet laureate. She has won awards for her music and poetry, and she did not learn to play the saxophone until she was in her forties. Haig finds this comforting because it shows that it is never too late to begin something valuable. Haig abandoned playing piano at the age of 13 and has often regretted the decision. Finally, at the age of 45, Haig began to relearn piano alongside his children during the COVID-19 lockdown. He realized there was no cutoff for personal development. Although Haig acknowledges that he will never become as musically confident as some artists, his enjoyment of playing is enough. Haig encourages readers to “keep failing”; as Harjo said, “There is no poetry where there are no mistakes” (155).

“Protection” reminds readers of the importance of being true to oneself and not being afraid to let others down. Haig shares that he once felt pressure not to let others down and did things he did not want to do as a result.

In “Quantum freedom,” Haig explains that, according to quantum physics, the laws of the universe are probabilistic. According to German physicist Werner Heisenberg, who came up with the Uncertainty Principle, no amount of information can successfully predict the behavior of waves and particles. Citing chaos theory, Haig points out that other aspects of the world, such as weather and the human brain, are also unpredictable. Haig concludes that “a key defining feature of the universe, of nature, of our environment, of us, is uncertainty” (158).

In “Other people are other people,” Haig reminds readers that they cannot control other people or how others perceive them. Consequently, he advises readers not to worry about others’ opinions.

“Wrong direction” notes that self-worth is not dependent on other people.

In “Applied energy,” Haig states that history can be a comfort in that it helps people to understand their place in time and appreciate how humans’ prior actions have shaped it. Haig tells the story of Nellie Bly, who was born in Pittsburgh in 1864 as Elizabeth Jane Cochran. Because her father died when she was 15, leaving her mother and 14 siblings with little money, Bly struggled to earn money for her family. She earned five dollars a week working for a local newspaper. At first, her boss only allowed her to write about domestic matters such as childcare and housework. However, her column’s popularity eventually allowed her to write about more substantial topics such as divorce laws’ impact on women. In 1887, Bly moved to New York and met the famous newspaper publisher John Pulitzer. She sought work with his publication New York World and was challenged with investigating the conditions at the psychiatric hospital on Blackwell’s Island. As an undercover journalist, Bly pretended to have a mental illness and observed hellish conditions at the psychiatric hospital. By writing about her experience, Bly helped shift America’s view of mental illness, and Blackwell closed a few years later. Bly also achieved fame and ushered in an age of intense undercover journalism. In 1889, she embarked on a 24,900-mile trip around the globe, which she completed in only 72 days. Although others challenged her, she “refused to treat it as a race” (164). During World War I, she was the first female reporter to visit the conflict zone between Serbia and Austria. Haig regards Bly’s story as a testimony to what a human can do with intelligence and determination, even in the face of societal pressure.

In “Mess,” Haig acknowledges that it is difficult to be oneself but says that our imperfections are a part of life. He writes “We are all messy mammals on a messy planet and a messy cosmos. To deny mess is to deny who we are” (166-67). By accepting one’s imperfections, one can lead a fuller (and more honest) existence.

“Aim to be you” again reminds readers to be themselves since trying to do anything else will inevitably lead to failure.

In “Cup,” Haig reiterates that no one can control how others perceive them and therefore shouldn’t worry about it. Even in the face of people who deliberately misunderstand, Haig advises focusing on kindness.

In “Pomegranate,” Haig states that just as gossip reveals people’s envy, self-doubt reveals their desire to conform. He advises that readers never try to fit in if doing so would entail becoming someone they are not. Instead, each person should become themself, who no one else is.

“Let it be” emphasizes that people were born to be themselves and do not have to “try” in order to exist.