The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Covey discusses the first habit, “Be Proactive,” which is all about taking responsibility for your life. Only by mastering the first habit can we then tackle the other six habits. He urges us to see the power we have to take control of our life and our future. While many things are out of the circle of our control, there are still many things within our circle of control, and we must focus on the power we have. As for the things outside of our circle of control, we still can control our reactions to these forces. Covey explains: “Proactive people […] recognize they can’t control everything that happens to them, but they can control what they do about it” (49). Our responses are in our control. We don’t want to become reactive, the opposite of being proactive, by lashing out at others and losing control. This “can-do” mindset allows people to accomplish any goal, no matter the obstacles they must face.

Covey acknowledges that some people do face significant obstacles—living with dysfunctional families, dealing with physical or sexual abuse, or having a significant illness. He doesn’t want to gloss over these very real issues. He notes: “The scary thing is that bad habits such as abuse, alcoholism, and welfare dependency are often passed down from parents to kids, and, as a result, dysfunctional families keep repeating themselves” (59). But these issues do not have to doom someone to a similar pattern. He sees the power of the seven habits to break these cycles of harm, so people trapped in such situations can become “change agents,” changing lives not only for themselves but also, perhaps, changing lives for those around them. 

He shares stories of people who have faced crossroads and made proactive choices that changed their lives forever. For example, the final story in the chapter is about a young man who made the decision not to avenge the death of his younger brother. He was able to “push pause,” not acting immediately and reactively, by using four tools: self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and willpower (69). These tools allowed him to pause, lay down the gun, and walk away from a situation that would have destroyed his life. He chose to focus on his lifelong dreams of pursuing football and college, dreams that his brother had always encouraged him to pursue. Rejecting the reactive instinct and, instead, choosing a proactive choice saved his life.

Once you have understood Habit 1, that being proactive means taking responsibility for your life, then you can move on to Habit 2, “Begin with the End in Mind.” Habit 2 is about deciding on the goals you want to accomplish. Covey uses the metaphor of driving a car to illustrate the difference between Habit 1 and Habit 2. Habit 1 (“Be Proactive”) emphasizes that you must become the driver in your life, not merely a passenger, while Habit 2 emphasizes that you, the driver, must have a clear destination for your journey.

Covey assures us that we do not need to figure out every detail of our future: “I’m simply talking about thinking beyond today and deciding what direction you want to take so that each step you take is always in the right direction” (74). He shares a strategy, encouraging the reader to visualize a future self, one year from now: “In your mind’s eye, visualize someone walking toward you about half a block away. […] As this person gets closer and closer, you suddenly realize, […] it’s you as you’d like to be one year from now” (75). The power of visualization allows the reader to imagine a future self, freed from the errors and bad habits of the past.

This vision of the future makes it easier to resist feeling trapped in the present, doomed to act on impulses as they pop up; instead, one can plan for the future. Covey reminds his teenaged readers that they are at a crossroads in life, where decisions they make today can heavily impact the type of future they will have. Covey focuses on three main issues that can be of particular concern to his teenaged readers: friends, sex, and school. He warns his readers to choose friends carefully because friends can have a powerful influence. Likewise, he warns his readers to be careful about decisions to have sex because the consequences, such as pregnancy, can have profound, life-altering effects. Finally, he urges his readers to make the most of their studies since doing so can also have profound, life-altering effects.

Covey urges his readers to make a personal mission statement to serve as a daily reminder of goals and principles: “A personal mission statement is like a personal credo or motto that states what your life is about. It is like the blueprint to your life” (81). Covey provides a brainstorming activity that he calls “The Great Discovery” to help the reader generate ideas for a mission statement. He then gives five “keys” to help the reader put the mission statement into practice: “Count the Cost,” or know the challenges and benefits of your goals; “Write It Out,” meaning write down your goals as a visible reminder; “Just Do It,” or fully commit to the task; “Use Momentous Moments,” meaning use new beginnings or endings as a way to start; and “Rope Up”—that is, find a friend who can support you (94-98).

It may be paradoxical for some that to begin something, you must focus on the end, but Covey emphasizes the need to be deliberate in our choices if we want to accomplish our goals.

Covey continues to develop the metaphor of being a driver in discussing the final personal habit. If Habit 1 is about learning to be in the driver’s seat, and Habit 2 is about making sure that you, the driver, have a destination in mind, then Habit 3 is about making sure you don’t let roadblocks interfere with arriving at your destination. For this reason, Covey says, “I call Habit 3 the habit of willpower (the strength to say yes to your most important things) and won’t power (the strength to say no to less important things and to peer pressure)” (106).

A major roadblock to achieving our goals can come in the form of misuse of time. Covey shows us how easy it is to be misled by a false sense of urgency. He discusses how many things in life take on the air of urgency, especially in our “NOW generation. That’s why we have Internet on our phones, instant messaging, Instagram, crash diets, fast food, 140-character tweets, and online shopping” (108). Covey reminds the reader that not all urgent things are important despite what social media says. Rather than be misled by urgency, we need to focus instead on what is important and prioritize our activities based on that. Covey created a graph based on two factors, “importance” and “urgency,” each of the four quadrants representing the different ways we can spend our time, showing us how we can be most effective with our time.

“The Procrastinator” occupies one quadrant. Procrastinators delay starting important activities until the last minute. It is easy to give in to distractions, but to be successful, we need to create a plan so that we are not rushing at the end but instead remaining focused throughout. “The Yes-Man” sees everything as urgent and cannot say no. He or she wants to please everyone. This person has FOMO (fear of missing out) and says yes to everything to stay in the loop. By being so readily available, he or she becomes spread thin. We need to have focus to get our work done and not jump at every supposedly “urgent” task. “The Slacker” believes that nothing is urgent or important. He or she wastes time and “loves anything in excess, like too much TV, too much sleep, too much PlayStation, or too much time online” (110). Covey is not saying these activities are off-limits, but they should be enjoyed in moderation so that the focus of life can be on one’s goals and principles.

“The Prioritizer” is the quadrant that Covey urges us all to focus on. The Prioritizer focuses most of his or her time on what is important and does not wait until the last minute to tackle important tasks but works on them daily. To be a Prioritizer, the first step is to be organized to avoid being trapped in urgency. Covey urges his readers to use a planner to block out time, focusing on your “big rocks”: “What are the most important things I need to do this week?’ I call these your big rocks. They are sort of like mini-goals and should be tied into your mission statement and longer-term goals” (113). Only after you have scheduled in your “big rocks” should you then fit in your pebbles, “the little everyday things that suck up your time—such as chores, texting, errands, and interruptions” (114). By scheduling important things first, you are sure to get them done.

In addition to time management, Covey emphasizes the need for courage to follow our goals. When we choose to say yes to the “big rocks” in our plan, we often have to say no to other things in life, and we may face peer pressure when we reject certain things. Additionally, we may face our fears and doubts over our abilities to accomplish our big goals. Covey encourages us by reminding us that we are not alone. Everyone feels fear at some point; the key is not to let fear in the driver’s seat. We must be willing to move beyond our comfort zone and into the courage zone. We must have the willpower to stay focused on what is important and to discipline ourselves to work daily toward being the best we can be.