50 pages • 1 hour read
Mel RobbinsThe 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2017A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Part 5, Chapters 15-17Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Part 5: “Courage Changes Everything”
Chapter 15 Summary: “Building Real Confidence”
Part 5 of the book explores three ways in which readers can feel more connected with themselves and how self-introspection can unleash inner potential. Robbins first discusses how confidence and personality are connected. Then, she teaches readers how to use everyday courage to pursue their passions. Finally, she explores how to forge deep and meaningful relationships. In each chapter, she provides anecdotal evidence of everyday people who have successfully turned their lives around using these steps. Robbins loves this section most because it explores how self-confidence, passion, and connection with others can be profoundly transformative.
Chapter 15 starts by emphasizing that people often mistake confidence as a personality trait. In doing so, they believe that some people are naturally more confident than others. However, Robbins argues this is false: Confidence is a skill that people can hone. Extroverts may be more at ease speaking in public, but this does not necessarily mean they are confident. Robbins herself is a loud extrovert who held deep anxieties and insecurities for much of her life. Introverts, on the other hand, might have a lot of confidence in their ideas and perspectives but lack the courage to speak up.
Everyday courage is the ability to step up, act out of character, and face fears. By repeating this regularly, people train themselves to be confident—hence why confidence is a skill that needs to be rehearsed and is not a fixed personality trait. Psychologist Brian Little from the University of Cambridge argues exactly this: He posits that while some human traits are fixed, there are many more “free traits” that can be trained and adjusted through practice. Although he is an introvert, his life passion is teaching, and it is through repeated practice that he has become confident speaking in front of crowds of students.
In the end, it is the small acts that help build confidence. For example, an engineer at Cisco Systems personally told Robbins that using the #5SecondRule helped him gather the courage to speak to John Chambers, the company’s CEO. This earned him a chance of getting promoted, but most importantly, it convinced him that he was capable of bravery. Several others testify that small acts of courage ultimately build up to make them feel more in control of their lives and more confident.
This feeling of empowerment is crucial in helping people connect with themselves. Robbins urges readers to stop focusing on the big things. It is the little steps that will ultimately create a ripple effect of change.
Chapter 16 Summary: “Pursuing Passion”
In Chapter 16, Robbins discusses ways in which people can find their passion and purpose in life. The first step is to use inner curiosity to explore various fields. For example, if people envy others, they may question why they feel this way and find out what they truly desire. Once they settle on a subject, they may begin to explore it more in depth—experience or a lack thereof should not be a deterrent to exploring. Nowadays, there is a plenitude of resources—many are even free—that people can use to educate themselves. A passion can start out as a part-time project. Once people feel secure, they can find ways to turn it into a full-time pursuit or business.
Sometimes, finding a passion could lead to a career change. This can be anxiety-inducing. Robbins does not believe there is a magic formula that tells people when they should switch between their old and new fields. However, it is also pointless to hit the snooze button on passion projects just to avoid fear. Ultimately, Robbins suggests that readers ask themselves if they are ready to commit, rather than if they feel like it—as explained in Chapter 7, there will never be a time that feels right. Using the #5SecondRule can help people take that first leap of faith.
The Rule helped Todd switch from law school—imposed by his parents—to his true passion, physical education. In his fourth year of law school, he finally gathered the courage to count down from five, withdraw from law school, and apply to the Queensland University of Technology. Since then, he has been accepted into an honors education program and enjoys every moment of his life. His parents were initially disappointed in his career change, but they were even more sad to hear that their son had been unhappy and afraid to tell them.
Robbins’s favorite book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, failed to sell when it was first published in Brazil. However, Coelho always believed in his creation and admitted to having poured his soul into it. He searched for another publisher in the hopes of getting a second chance, and the book broke through. It is now an international bestseller and has been translated into 80 languages. When interviewed, Coelho declared that he could not have known his novel would succeed. All he did was pour his soul into his work without giving up.
Robbins ends the chapter by reminding readers that everybody has an answer within them. Ultimately, everyone possesses something unique in themselves; it simply takes courage to discover it, explore it, and show it to the rest of the world.
Chapter 17 Summary: “Enrich Your Relationships”
Robbins only has one single rule for enriching relationships—“say it” (219). This entails never leaving the important things unsaid; waiting for the right time to share our deepest feelings is “a fool’s errand” (222). This is a rule that a man named Don shared with Robbins at one of her talks in Florida. He found the courage to tell his daughter that he was truly proud of her even though he is usually not forthcoming with his feelings. This unexpectedly deepened their bond and taught him that important things must be voiced, even when they can trigger deep emotional responses.
Robbins herself applied this rule when her father called her to tell her he has an aneurism and has to undergo surgery. Robbins was immediately reminded of how her father-in-law died from complications due to a surgery gone wrong. Instead of giving in to her anxieties, she counted back from five and asked her father if he was afraid. He answered that he was not; he had led a fulfilling life and considered himself very lucky for all life had offered him. This moment was deeply touching for Robbins. She realized that interpersonal connections are forged and deepened with truthful communication, while silence only creates distance.
It is easy to forget to maintain relationships and appreciate the little things because life tends to be hectic. However, Robbins reminds readers that life is ephemeral and the secret to greatness is simply to follow one’s heart and be proactive. While there is no guarantee that our actions will lead to an incredible breakthrough, every opportunity missed is a guaranteed failure. Robbins concludes her book by collecting several uplifting stories of people who have used the #5SecondRule to find their everyday courage, live to the fullest of their capacity, and reveal their inner greatness—five seconds at a time.
Part 5, Chapters 15-17 Analysis
In the final section of the book, Robbins explores the various ways in which the #5SecondRule can help people lead more fulfilling lives. She observes how the Rule makes it easier for people to gain confidence, which in turn helps them pursue their passions and enrich their interpersonal relationships. Robbins defines fulfillment in life, which she judges to be a personal endeavor rather than an extrinsic goal set by society. In other words, everybody has the potential to discover their own passion and what fulfillment means to them; they simply need to listen to their instincts, find their inner sense of curiosity, explore beyond their comfort zones, and gather the courage to pursue their passions seriously.
Thus, Robbins argues that every individual is capable of living up to their own potential. Although it is a long-term endeavor, it can be achieved by building everyday courage until it turns into long-lasting confidence.
Robbins offers various ideas to help people achieve their long-term goals. She postulates that three elements are required for building a big-picture goal: real confidence, a passion, and solid interpersonal relationships. Chapters 15 and 16 discuss using the #5SecondRule as the initial push to help people more easily achieve their goals. More specifically, Robbins aims to help readers who are lost or do not know how to set proper goals by providing them with different methods to set relevant personal goals—for example, finding a passion and then searching for a way to make it lucrative.
In the final chapter, Robbins observes the importance of having trusted friends and family. She aims to help readers find ways to build sold interpersonal relationships, which is another aspect of leading a fulfilling life, especially in the long term. She touches upon how Everyday Courage Is the Key to Gaining Long-Term Confidence through the lens of building a reliable, sustainable, and healthy social circle.
Robbins ends the book by reminding readers that interpersonal relationships are crucial to self-growth. As individuals challenge themselves to be more forthcoming with others, what they are ultimately doing is helping themselves: As people build a network of trusting friends and family, they are the ones that become empowered.
