Swallowing Stones

“In the end, though, Jenna vacuumed not only every rug in the house but all the upholstered furniture and all the bedspreads and drapes. The work kept her busy, and she didn’t have to think, which, much as she hated to admit it, might have been just what her mother had in mind.”

Jenna realizes why her mother decided to clean the day after her father’s death. Both Meredith and Jenna seek ways to distract themselves from the shock of what has happened. This quote relates to the theme of Grief and Denial by showing how Jenna and Meredith avoid thinking about the tragedy that has befallen them.

“That was the thing about finding a stone in your throat when it was too late to spit it out. If you panicked and tried to take a deep breath, it would cut off your air and you’d die. You had to make yourself swallow it. The stone would probably tear your gut apart, but you’d survive.”

After Michael recalls the story of the girl who drowned because of a stone in her throat, he thinks about what she should’ve done and what should always be done when someone finds themselves in that position. This quote presents the titular motif of swallowing stones, which develops the theme of The Consequences of Impulsive Action by showing the difficult ways one must deal with said consequences.

“In that single moment he realized that Amy was perfectly aware of what the other kids thought of her, although he was beginning to wonder just how true those stories were.”

After Michael spends the night at Amy’s house, Amy assures him that she’ll keep his visit between them, causing Michael to realize that Amy is aware of her reputation. This quote relates to the theme of The Influence of Reputation by showing how one’s reputation can impact how one perceives oneself and one’s company. Amy’s awareness of her unsavory reputation motivates her to believe that people would want to keep interactions with her a secret.

“On the hot July evenings that followed, while bees hovered lazily over the borders of pink impatiens, Jenna lay in the hammock by the pool waiting for her father to come home from work. She would find herself doing this and then realize that it was not going to happen.”

This quote highlights the way that Jenna has yet to wrap her mind around the idea that her father is really gone. Jenna’s expectation that her father will return home from work develops the theme of Grief and Denial by showing how grief can sometimes manifest in the form of denial. Jenna’s expectation that her father will eventually return is an important indicator of her state of grief as the novel progresses.

“Meredith had stopped crying. She grabbed a handful of tissues and blew her nose. ‘It’s strange, isn’t it? That list has been there for weeks. I’ve been in and out of the refrigerator a hundred times since that day, but I never even noticed. Then, suddenly, there it is, staring me in the face.’”

Jenna’s mother recovers from sobbing after being set off by the “Honey Do” list on the fridge. This quote highlights the contrast between Jenna and her mother, as Jenna has yet to cry real tears over her father. This quote also develops the theme of Grief and Denial by showing how Meredith is handling her grieving with the constant reminders of her late husband around the house.

“Amy Ruggerio was two years ahead of her in school. Jenna didn’t know her personally but, like everyone else, knew her reputation.”

Jenna observes Amy alone at the movie theater and considers what she knows about Amy. This quote occurs shortly before Amy helps Jenna recover from her anxiety attack in the movie theater bathroom. Jenna’s awareness of Amy’s reputation develops the theme of The Influence of Reputation by showing how one does not need to be close to a person to know the person’s reputation.

“She was supposed to be mourning, right? Only so far that hadn’t happened. It had been three weeks, and she hadn’t once cried. She didn’t count the sneaky little tears that sometimes came while she slept.”

Jenna observes that she hasn’t been able to mourn yet and has still not shed tears over her father. This quote develops the theme of Grief and Denial by showing how Jenna’s struggle to accept her father’s death as reality is hindering her ability to grieve properly.

“It was all true then. The nightmare was real. Michael could no longer pretend, as he sometimes did, that there was a chance he hadn’t fired that fatal shot.”

Here, Michael loses some of his ability to feel denial over his part in Charlie Ward’s death after learning the news that the police have narrowed the search area to his neighborhood. Michael’s denial develops the theme of Grief and Denial by showing how Michael avoids coming to terms with his grave situation by attempting to find ways to deny his involvement.

“‘Amy Ruggerio is one of the most decent human beings I know,’ he said, clenching his teeth. ‘She’s been a good friend to me. A friend, period. You can believe whatever the hell you want. But nobody calls a friend of mine—any friend of mine—a pig.’”

Michael defends Amy to Darcy after Darcy calls Amy unsavory names and implies Michael is cheating with Amy. This quote shows how Michael’s opinions have changed about Amy since he’s taken the time to get to know her. This quote develops the theme of The Influence of Reputation by showing how Michael has learned that Amy is a deeper and better person than her reputation suggests.

“Maybe it was something about the way his father said this, but in that single moment Michael realized with horror that his father had at least considered the possibility that the shot had come from his own house.”

After Michael’s father tells Michael to fetch the Winchester for the police investigation, Michael realizes that his father has considered the possibility that Michael fired the shot. This quote relates to the theme of The Consequences of Impulsive Actions by showing how Michael realizes his impulsive action has affected his family, too.

“Overhead the bats performed their nightly maneuvers, filling their bellies with mosquitos while negotiating sharp turns and somehow never colliding with each other. Humans, he thought, would probably never learn the art of avoiding collision. Somehow, when people came together, there was always wreckage of some kind left behind.”

Michael contrasts the way bats gracefully avoid one another with how human lives frequently become tangled and messy. Here, collision is a metaphor for how the entanglement of human lives leads to pain and conflict. Michael makes these observations immediately after discovering Amy crying and upset with him.

“Maybe that was why she had come: to remember. Because, although six weeks had passed since his death, Jenna still could not make herself believe that he wouldn’t be coming home. Some stubborn part of her continued to think her father was on one of his business trips, and all the logic in the world could not make Jenna stop holding on to this fantasy.”

Jenna acknowledges that she is being illogical by continuing to engage with the fantasy that her father will eventually come home. However, she struggles to break through this shield of denial and grieve properly. Jenna feels she’s gone to the beach to try to bring up memories that will help her begin to mourn her father. This quote relates to the theme of Grief and Denial.

“For weeks I didn’t even let myself cry, because that would be admitting my mom and dad weren’t going to come back.”

In Amy’s letter to Jenna, Amy explains how she went through a phase of grief where she couldn’t cry, which parallels Jenna’s state of grieving. This quote highlights how Amy used denial as a form of protection against the pain that came with her grief, much like Jenna is presently doing. This quote develops the theme of Grief and Denial by drawing attention to the relationship between the two.

“Amy was guiding her right toward the Ghost Tree, and Jenna wasn’t doing anything to stop her.”

This quote takes place during one of Jenna’s dream sequences. Dreams become an important source of symbolism for Jenna, and Amy’s appearance in Jenna’s dream shortly after Amy’s letter helped Jenna begin to grieve symbolizes how Amy is helping Jenna move toward a place of acceptance. In Jenna’s dream, the Ghost Tree symbolizes this acceptance.

“Thinking about that now, she felt a deep shame, not just for herself but for the way things were. It was all part of the code. No one would even dare change the rules. If they so much as tried, they’d find themselves on the outside, alone. Like Amy Ruggerio.”

As Jenna considers her own bias toward Amy because of Amy’s reputation, she thinks about how unfair it is that society can alienate someone due to their reputation, which may or may not be a true representation of the person. Jenna feels ashamed that she took part in society’s built-in biases rather than getting to know Amy for who she is before judging her. This quote develops the theme of The Influence of Reputation.

“All this time Michael had been living with a false hope, believing that he had gotten the cops off his back after the first round of questions three weeks ago. And all this time they had suspected him.”

Michael realizes that the hope he’s clung to regarding his personal status within the police investigation has been false. He never convinced the cops that it wasn’t him. This comes shortly after Michael learns that the police searched his family’s house for the gun, indicating that they never believed the story that it was stolen. This quote relates to the theme of Grief and Denial by showing how Michael clings to denial until it’s no longer an option so he can avoid the feelings of grief about what he’s done.

“Michael swallowed hard. Everything was falling apart, shattering as surely as the windshield of the Tercel. And all he could do in that moment was sit helplessly by, surveying the wreckage, while strangers frantically tried to clean up the mess.”

As Michael watches the fallout of Joe’s meltdown over Amy’s vehicle, he realizes he’s responsible for the events that have led them here. The simile in this quote shows that Michael understands the mess he’s made by not facing the consequences of his actions, and he knows that now many other people are paying for it. This quote relates to the theme of The Consequences of Impulsive Actions.

“With each shirt she folded, with each sweater, with every pair of jeans, she found herself saying goodbye. Over and over, the silent goodbyes echoed in her heart, a goodbye to each and every thing, because she had never gotten the chance to say it on that fateful morning in July.”

Jenna helps her mother fold and pack away her father’s things for donation. Throughout the novel, Jenna struggles with acknowledging her father is gone for good, so the act of folding his clothing for donation is cathartic, as she finally gets a chance to say goodbye in some form. This quote relates to the theme of Grief and Denial.

“This person, this boy across the street from her, was real. She knew now that no matter how much pain he had caused her, no matter how much she hated him, she would never be able to pull the trigger.”

Jenna gazes upon the face of Joe Sadowski, who, at the time, she believes is the man who killed her father. For the first time, Jenna humanizes the person who fired the gun, and she admits her previous fantasy of shooting the murderer in court is not who she really is. This moment is an important step in Jenna’s journey toward healing and acceptance.

“‘Seems I got quite a reputation with the local powers that be. First they pick me up from the scene of a car accident, drunk. Then they charge me with being drunk and disorderly and with assault for stomping on that stupid bitch’s windshield.’ He flicked more ashes over the side. ‘Let’s face it, man, I ain’t exactly their candidate for mayor.’”

Joe explains to Michael why the police chose to bring him into the station for questioning when they brought no one else in. Joe’s explanation that the police already have a bias toward him because of his reputation develops the theme of The Influence of Reputation by showing how Joe’s reputation creates more trouble for him. Joe’s reputation plays an important role in the police choosing to pursue him as their lead suspect over Michael.

“He did not expect to feel Amy’s arms around him. Not ever again. But when she slipped her hands under his arms and began to stroke the back of his neck, all he could do was press his face into her hair and cry.”

Shortly before this quote, Michael learns that Amy has known for a while that he shot the bullet that killed Charlie Ward, and she’s been patient and accepting of him regardless. Amy’s affection helps Michael accept the reality of his guilt and what he must do to make things right. As he breaks through his denial, he begins to grieve for both the people whom he’s hurt and his own future. This parallels how Amy helped Jenna break through her denial and begin to grieve.

“‘But it is my fault,’ she insisted. ‘If I’d done what I was told, he would have been sitting at the kitchen table, eating his sandwich, when that bullet landed.’ Suddenly Amy’s voice echoed in Jenna’s ears: ‘I think the hardest part for me was the guilt.’”

Jenna realizes that she’s been subconsciously carrying guilt over not getting her father inside for lunch sooner, thus avoiding the tragedy. Jenna’s guilt surrounding her father’s death is one of her final hurdles in the novel, and this realization helps her mend her relationship with Jason, as he was on the phone with her when she should’ve been calling her father down for lunch.

“He understands now that he has been carrying the stone in his throat all this time. He hasn’t swallowed it at all, and he is drowning.”

This quote returns to the titular motif of swallowing stones to demonstrate Michael’s understanding that he must face the consequences of his actions. Michael has, for most of the novel, believed that all the things he’s done to protect himself, like lying to his family and the police, are the stones he’s swallowed, but here, he realizes these actions have only caused further damage. Michael now must swallow the stone in his throat to prevent himself from drowning further. This quote establishes that Michael is ready to come clean.