Stupid Fast

Felton’s Schwinn-Varsity bike is one of Steven’s only physical possessions that survives Jerri’s bonfire, and initially it represents Felton’s positive connection to the dad he thought he knew. Additionally, the bike represents Felton’s freedom and his new sense of self. The bike provides a release for Felton’s pent-up energy. It allows him to travel to the Mound. It enables him to do Gus’s paper route and even helps his relationship with Aleah progress when the two cozily, if unsteadily, ride it together.

The bike also gives Felton—and readers—a clue that Jerri is not telling her family the truth. Cody recalls Felton riding the bike when it was much too large for him and speculates that Felton’s dad must have been tall. Felton dismisses Cody’s observation because it differs from what Jerri told him. Felton emotionally, angrily destroys the bike, and thus the false memory of his dad, when he learns the truth about Steven and Jerri from Grandma Berba. The bike comes to represent betrayal by both his parents: Jerri’s lies about Steven, and Steven’s rejection of his family. Felton’s destructive act and powerful emotions catalyze Jerri’s apology. Felton feels regret for destroying the Schwinn-Varsity, in part because he hamstrung his own freedom of movement and independence.

Felton appreciates the expensive new road bike he gets for his birthday because it is “super fast and thus matches [him]” (283). Felton’s new bike reflects his new sense of self, and has no emotional baggage attached. While Felton admits that he loved the Varsity, he is “glad [it] is gone” (283). The new bike symbolizes a fresh start, and Felton can use it to create new memories from a happier place in his life.

Felton’s narration is self-aware. Felton often describes events for the reader as funny—or not funny. He considers the nature of comedy, and why things are humorous. Comedy is a motif that informs the theme of identity building. Felton’s understanding of humor reveals his growing self-understanding.

Although Felton tells the reader that he does not like “dark tales,” he characterizes his story as one. Gus, however, “says that funny stuff is always dark” (171). Felton uses humor as a way of talking about events and feelings that are otherwise hard for him to express. Dark humor, such as the way Felton describes his dad’s ghost “hanging around,” is designed to make others laugh at things that are tragic or sad. It is also used as a coping mechanism by those going through, or looking back on, difficult situations. Felton incorporates dark humor and self-deprecating humor throughout the novel. He is conscious of these inclusions and uses them purposefully, which gives him control over an otherwise upsetting memory.

Felton wanted to be a stand-up comic, yet throughout his school career, no one finds him funny—until he tries new things, engages with others, and expands his circle of friends. Felton thinks his newfound popularity proves that “[p]eople who don’t like you don’t find you funny, and chances are you don’t find them funny either” (163). This comment shows that he is observant of the changes in individual perceptions, especially regarding social status. Felton’s use of comedy, and his understanding of it, shows Felton’s self-reflection and helps the reader connect with him emotionally.

Like the Schwinn-Varsity bike, the Mound represents a positive connection to Felton’s dad but is also an outlet for Felton’s own nervous energy and a way for him to cope with emotional turmoil. One of Felton’s only childhood memories of Steven is the day they drove out to the Mound and his dad ran up and down it while Felton played in the dirt. Felton recalls his dad whispering to him, “That’s better. That’s better” (13), when he was finished. The Mound offers both Felton and his dad a release; a way to satisfy their need for movement. Steven’s words suggest that he, like Felton, needed physical activity to help deal with his emotions.

As Felton runs up and down the Mound, he achieves a kind of nirvana. He can distance himself from family issues and troubled thoughts. There, typically alone up high amidst the blue skies and clouds, Felton experiences absence of thought. After running the Mound, Felton feels peaceful and calm. The Mound also gives Felton a sense of freedom and accomplishment. Few people can hike it, let alone run all the way up. The Mound helps Felton grow physically and helps ground him emotionally. Like his new bike, Felton makes the Mound his own, creating new happy memories there with his friends. He will always have the memory of being at the Mound with his father, but once Felton’s support system helps him finds confidence and inner peace, he can transform the Mound into a positive symbol free from his tumultuous past.

Andrew, Aleah, and Felton each have a unique ability that allows them to authentically express themselves. For Andrew and Aleah, it is piano. The piano comes to represent self-expression and self-knowledge, supporting the novel’s theme of identity discovery. The piano also reveals how those characteristics can be found in other abilities.

Andrew’s piano playing connects him socially to his chamber music group and emotionally to Jerri. He would play for her to make her happy. When she no longer allows him to play and criticizes his playing, Andrew is crushed. Jerri takes away something integral to his sense of self and damages his self-esteem. While Felton admires Andrew’s musical skill, he feels it illuminates his own lack of skills. Initially, Felton feels that he is not good at anything, and his reaction to Andrew’s piano playing reveals his low self-esteem.

Aleah and Andrew both play the piano with passion and intensity. When Aleah plays, she feels a sense of clarity. Felton discovers the same feeling when he runs on the Mound, saying, “Everything makes sense” (184). Felton discovers that his skill is movement, like his dad. Just as Aleah is a consummate pianist, Felton is a gifted athlete. Both hone their innate skills with practice, control, and passion. Jerri notices that Felton’s running has the same kind of beauty as Aleah’s piano playing, tying the two together with their different but equivalent passions. Both Aleah and Felton’s talents inspire emotion and appreciation in others. Aleah moves her audiences to “light up” and Felton inspires his football crowd to explode “like Chinese New Year” (311).

Jerri’s drum circle friend, Tito, gave young Felton a pouch of rocks and crystals when Felton did not want to play the drums because the reverberating beats made him anxious. The stones reflect young Felton’s need for emotional support in coping with his anxiety. Felton carries the stones for years, hoping they have protective powers, much as he hopes the ghost of his father is looking out for him.

Felton’s need to believe in both the crystals and a protective spirit reveals his feelings of abandonment from his dad’s suicide. After kids make fun of him, Felton keeps the stones secret, taking them out privately when he is anxious or frightened. He comes to view them as a source of shame, further proof that there is something wrong with him and his family. The bag of crystals becomes directly intertwined with his “Squirrel Nuts” identity: “My shiny, secret rocks and crystals were squirreled away in my leather pouch in my pocket, and I was so wary of the dangers present—ready to hop and hightail it” (92). In Chapter 12, shortly after Jerri frightens him by swearing at him, he actively resists the urge to reach for them for comfort, symbolizing his rejection of Jerri herself.

Felton ultimately finds the stones an ineffective emotional crutch and throws them from the Mound. Felton discovers the self-confidence and self-understanding that he needs when he runs, not from the “hippy crystals” (184).