64 pages • 2 hours read
Meg MasonSorrow and Bliss
Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2020A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
The Isolating Nature of Mental Illness
Sorrow and Bliss follows Martha’s journey with mental illness. A major impact this has on her life is how it changes her relationships with the people around her, especially in her marriage to Patrick and its eventual breakdown. Thus, one of the central themes of the book is the isolating nature of mental illness.
Martha experiences her first mental health crisis when she is 17, and finds herself unable to write an exam, taking shelter underneath the desk in her room for weeks. From this very first instance, Martha begins to push people away. When Martha begins taking antidepressants later that year, the side-effects see her lacking the energy or desire to spend Christmas at Belgravia as usual. Even when she is forced to attend, she spends the holiday alone in a room away from the others.
As Martha continues to deal with her mental health throughout her twenties and thirties, the picture that emerges is of someone not especially inclined to make new friendships or maintain existing relationships. Martha’s relationship with Patrick appears more hopeful than the previous one she had with Jonathan, as Patrick has been around for longer than Martha’s illness, and he has even seen her on her “bad days.” However, once they are married, Martha’s self-isolating tendencies reemerge. Arguably, these behaviors are both exacerbated by, and in turn compound, her psychological anguish. She has fits of anger and is physically and verbally abusive toward Patrick, even throwing things at him, but neither one of them addresses this behavior. Patrick becomes the target for all of Martha’s anger and frustration, indicating that she has not stopped to consider his feelings, or how their shared life may have impacted him as well.
This self-centeredness is a tendency she shares with her mother. Celia, too, has the same illness as Martha, but Martha and the reader only learn about this much later, indicating that Celia has similarly not been open about her condition with other people. Celia’s self-centeredness manifests in the parties she throws when the girls are younger where she is the star, and later in her increased drinking as a way to cope with Martha’s illness, which she views as her own tragedy. Martha, too, views herself as special, as exhibited in her refusal to let people in and her tendency to push away those who support and help her by being inconsiderate.
This is the perspective that Celia eventually brings to Martha—that her experience has not been just her “personal tragedy.” Simultaneously, Martha realizes that part of the deep loneliness she feels is perhaps her own doing, as she has always had a community of people present to support and help her through her struggles: Fergus, Ingrid, Winsome, Patrick, and eventually, even Celia. It is when Martha recognizes this, and the value that the people in her life bring, that she is finally able to break out of her self-isolating patterns. Although this does not magically fix all her problems, it nevertheless sets her down a path of healing.
The Importance of Communication in Relationships
As much as Martha’s mental health is the focus of the narrative, so, too, are the relationships in her life. Martha’s relationship with Patrick is especially important, but there are other relationships in Martha’s life that change over time, owing to her illness and her subsequent behavior. A number of these changes are brought about by a lack of open and honest communication.
Ingrid is a constant fixture in Martha’s life, the person Martha most often turns to when she is struggling. Even with Ingrid, however, Martha is not completely honest. Only as adults does Martha reveal the truth of how intense her episodes of depression are, and even Ingrid is not privy to Martha’s diagnosis initially, or the details of Martha’s marital problems. Martha doesn’t even tell Ingrid about how she does in fact want children. Martha’s tendency to expect support and sympathy without offering honest communication is what ultimately puts a strain on her relationship with Ingrid. It is not an apology alone that helps them reconcile, but Martha’s decision to be completely open with Ingrid about everything that has happened.
This is also the root issue in Martha and Patrick’s relationship. In some sense, dishonesty predates their relationship: The first time Martha asks Patrick about his feelings, he outright lies and denies them. Weak communication continues to plague their relationship even after they get together, even when things are going well. Martha is unable to adequately communicate the loneliness she feels when Patrick gets busier with work; instead, she vents her frustration in abusive ways like throwing things at him. Patrick, in turn, doesn’t address these incidents. Later, when Martha miscarries, the couple doesn’t talk about what happened, either.
This tendency to avoid addressing difficult things ultimately leads to a breakdown in their relationship, Martha’s refusal to communicate comes from a place of anger, stubbornness, and insensitivity, in that she doesn’t think Patrick deserves to know about her diagnosis or her desire for children. Patrick is worn out from Martha’s illness and its effects in silence for so long. By the time these things come out into the open, it is too late—everything is communicated the wrong way, from a place of pain and a desire to hurt, rather than with the intention to fix things.
Interestingly, when Patrick and Martha begin to reconcile, similar things are brought up. Patrick admits that living with Martha was difficult. He also calls out her tendency to view herself as special and the isolating effect that this self-concept has had. However, in this scenario, the intent is to clear the air and work at a reconciliation. Thus, the book not only explores the importance of communication in relationships, but also posits that the most important things about communicating in relationships are context, intent, and affection.
The Complex Interaction Between Motherhood and Identity
Martha’s observations and reactions to children and other mothers in her life, including her own, offer ideas and perceptions Martha holds about motherhood. Throughout the novel, Martha grapples with the relationship between motherhood and identity.
Martha begins grappling with the idea of motherhood from the age of 17, when she is first told that she must not get pregnant on her medication, as it will be harmful to the fetus. Over the years, this assertion, which Martha eventually learns is inaccurate, nevertheless informs her view of herself and her illness, solidifying what Martha claims to be a fear of motherhood. Martha’s fear of motherhood stems from her belief that who she is, in light of her illness, renders her incapable of being a mother. She even admits to thinking of herself as “a monster,” and Ingrid astutely wonders if this is the real reason why Martha doesn’t want children.
Despite Martha’s insistence that she doesn’t want children, there are clear indications throughout the book that she desires them—she is extremely fond of Ingrid’s children, and the narrative is peppered with seemingly disjointed but tender memories and observations about each of the children. On multiple occasions, Martha’s actions also stand contrary to what she claims to feel about mothers and babies. She finds news of each of Ingrid’s pregnancies difficult to bear, yet is present and helpful with the kids, by volition, on multiple occasions. When she miscarries, Martha’s reaction is not only one of grief, but also of relief that she didn’t have to be the one to let go.
Martha’s diagnosis is a turning point, as it brings about multiple revelations: first, that her mother has the same illness as her; second, that neither the illness nor the medication disqualify her from motherhood. The latter revelation finally allows Martha to accept that she has wanted a child all her life. Her subsequent behavior leads to a breakdown of her marriage, but it also leads to a reconnection with her mother. Celia’s conversations with Martha help Martha deal with the heartbreak of Patrick’s departure. She gains perspective on her illness and how it affects the people in her life, and this puts her, too, on a better path. The book ends with Martha now hopeful of having a child someday. In this manner, Sorrow and Bliss explores the complexities of motherhood and how it interacts with different aspects of a person’s life and identity.
