Scrawl

“The ribbon says ‘Congratulations,’ but who the hell knows why? Congratulations, you finally got a low-paying teaching job. Congratulations, you just got tenure in a school full of mouth-breathers who can’t spell ‘TV.’ Congratulations, you retired and didn’t die of boredom teaching the same idiocy to idiots who care less about what’s in your mind than what’s in your car. Congratulations, you just put your new plant on a baking-hot radiator in a room that overlooks a brick wall in a crappy part of town. Congratulations, we’re entrusting you with the mascot of our school. It’s a dead stick.”

Tod describes the detention classroom in an extremely negative way, revealing how he feels about school in general. He believes that it’s all a cheap farce that only he can see through. This characterizes his pessimism and also provides exposition for his low socioeconomic status, since he goes to a school with few resources in a deprived area.

“So, please let me explain here and now that today I am absolutely going to fill up the number of words I write upon these pages by using a lot of synonyms. That trick is exactly the same one that is used by rich people like lawyers and advertising people when they want to charge more for their advice. If I use a lot of short synonyms and adjectives and strings of similar words then I can be out of this delightful, beautiful, pleasant, joyful, garden-like room before the sun goes down on this lousy, gray, cold, depressing, crappy, terrible, ugly, meaningless, rotten, hurtful, lousy, miserable cold day.”

Once again Tod is showing how observant and intelligent he is while attempting to be petulant. Despite his skepticism about his own talent, he proves that he is a writer. Thus, this passage reads like an exercise in creativity, in addition to being an exercise in rebellion.

“Why waste money in vending machines when stores leave the candy out in the open, where you can pick the piece you want. And when you’re last in line in the cafeteria, maybe you get a bigger serving of what’s left. Nobody’s watching them punch your free-lunch card either.”

Tod reveals some of the strategies he’s learned to survive in and out of school. He is not above stealing when he’s hungry or planning how to get more from his free lunch. This passage also shows how ashamed Tod is for having a free lunch card: it advertises his poverty.

“And Mom certainly didn’t need Carnegie to tell her that I’m a thug and a delinquent and have no right to be among the civilized elite. She knows it. But what’s the point of getting her all riled up before she comes on the bus to get me? What’s she going to do, show up and put a leash and muzzle on me in the principal’s office to show that she’s in control or something?”

By describing how he believes that the principal and his own mother view him, Tod is actually revealing how he views himself: as an uncivilized monster. The reference to the muzzle signals that he sees himself as an animal out of control.

“Anyway, Ben Franklin was a pretty smart guy and his family didn’t have any money when he was growing up.

If you would not be forgotten,

As soon as you are dead and rotten,

Either write things worth reading,

Or do things worth the writing.”

The quote on the door is a reference to Tod’s passion for reading and his growing interest in writing. It captures The Power of Self-Expression. He doesn’t see his story as worthy of being heard yet, but the act of writing it down in his journal shows that he is on his way to accepting his role as a writer.

“I asked Phister why I got a D, and he said something about perspective and shading. I said I was expressing myself freely using the medium of ink. He said I doodled bad comic book garbage with a ballpoint pen and I shouldn’t have used the good paper. I asked him if he meant the paper for the good students and he actually said yes, that was exactly what he meant, there wasn’t enough to waste.”

The art teacher, Mr. Phister, shows that he is just another teacher who sees Tod as a stereotype. To Mr. Phister, Tod is incapable of self-expression and not worthy of the “good” paper. His favoritism for other students shows how stereotypes can be damaging and self-fulfilling.

“At least Mrs. Lent treats me like I can read without my lips moving. Right after I transferred here, maybe it was the first day I came up to the library, I saw her name on the little sign and asked her if she married Mr. Lent so she could get a good librarian name. She gave me a nice smile and she calls me Tod and not Mr. Munn like that’s some kind of insult. Lots of people think she’s pretty strict but I think she’s just misunderstood. And who wants to clean up after a bunch of losers who can’t even put the books back where they belong?”

In contrast to Mr. Phister, Mrs. Lent the librarian sees Tod as more than a stereotype. To her, Tod is a funny, intelligent, misunderstood kid. Tod identifies with her because she too must deal with her own inaccurate reputation.

“I’m a loser, okay? I was born a loser and I’ll live a loser and I’ll die a loser. And nothing you do here is going to ever change that. I’m so sick of this crap. I’m done.

Goodbye.”

The repetition of the word “loser” demonstrates the ongoing internal struggle with low self-esteem that Tod faces every day. He has let others’ perception of him cloud who he is inside. His feelings about his status at school also represent the difficulty of social mobility within this economic system.

“It’s not like life makes any sense. You wake up, you eat, you learn something useful, and you go back to bed. If it’s a good day, you take more than you lose. If it’s a bad day, try to cut your losses. Make your own rules, and don’t break them. Don’t let people piss you off, but if they do, make them sorry. And walk away telling yourself that you’ve still got your pride, even if you’ve got to fool yourself to keep it. I won’t let anybody hurt my pride. Nobody but me.”

Tod’s philosophy for life reflects the hardships he has had to experience daily: poverty, hunger, bullying, stereotyping, and isolation. He holds onto his anger like a weapon to protect him from disappointment. This passage reads like a manifesto, reflecting Tod’s misguided certainty while indirectly suggesting his undiscovered skill as a persuasive writer.

“Good grades are like motor oil. They keep out the friction. Teachers don’t bug you, and neither do parents. The parents who care, anyway.

Good grades are like insurance. One day they’ll save your butt. If you get in trouble or want to check out for a while, they’ll buy you some slack time. Earn ’em when you can.

Good grades are a shield. They prove you actually learned something, somehow, and nobody can take that away from you.”

Shulman once again highlights Tod’s writing skills by using similes and metaphors to express how someone’s outward appearance doesn’t necessarily reflect their reality. According to Tod, getting good grades doesn’t always signal intelligence, but he enjoys the satisfaction of doing well in school even though he hides his good grades from most people.

“Me in a play? I wouldn’t do it. Not in a million years. Too bad the flyer said one of the characters is a criminal. Somebody with flair could pull it off. Somebody with life experience. I understand what makes these guys tick. I’d be a natural. Maybe I wouldn’t have to act. I could be myself and that’d put fear into the audience.”

Tod sees himself as a criminal up to no good, which he feels would be perfect for the play. This moment shows that Tod’s words don’t always reflect his feelings; he is often an unreliable narrator. He claims not to want to be in the play but is later disappointed when he isn’t asked to audition.

“Criminals always get caught going back to the scene of the crime. They can’t get enough of the thrill, I guess. Me, I don’t get any excitement making trouble, and I sure don’t get any relief getting caught.”

In a direct contrast to the previous quotation, here Tod shows that he isn’t a typical criminal, further demonstrating Tod’s unreliability as a narrator. Before, he identified with being a criminal, but now he claims that he’s different because he doesn’t enjoy committing crimes. This foreshadows Tod’s confession that he only steals money from rich kids to survive.

“My chest got tight and my throat did, too. I tried to think of some words, but I looked in her nice old smiling wrinkly face and the lies just wouldn’t come. My eyes started to water up. I don’t know why. I wasn’t about to let that happen, but I couldn’t move, either. Her hand squeezed my arm under the coat and that was even worse. Her eyes were so friendly. I needed to run out of there.”

Tod is overcome with emotion when an older woman shows him kindness by asking if he’s okay. So far, he has been overwhelmed with stealing clothes for the play, feeding himself, staying warm, and facing the hatred of others. He typically redirects these feelings into aggression and anger, but compassion from a stranger almost makes him fall apart. This humanizes Tod and shows that he is not just an emotionless bully.

“You know this shirt I’m wearing, Rob? I know you know it, because you’ve seen this crappy green shirt with the stitched-up collar and the stupid little horse logo every other day for a year. I know you know it, Rob, because you hear all the same stupid jokes I hear. They say, ‘The horse’s head is in front and the butt is behind it.’ They say, ‘Munn’s practicing for his career cleaning up behind horses.’ They say a lot of crap, but they don’t say, ‘Hey, that shirt is dirty.’ You know why, Rob? Did you ever wonder why I wear this shirt every other day, Rob? Because when I’m wearing the blue denim shirt, Rob, this lovely green horsey shirt is drying on the clothesline.”

Tod finally verbally expresses the resentment he has for Rob, who has grown up wealthier than Tod. His repetition of Rob’s name punctuates each statement and adds to the gravity of the moment. Shulman combines direct quotations and questions in Tod’s speech to provoke thought in the reader and suggest that stereotyping results from a lack of critical engagement.

“There is one huge difference between Rex and me. He can’t see that he’s going to be in this slum his whole life. He’s blind that way, pushing up against the system like a rat who doesn’t know the maze is rigged.”

Another simile helps Tod express his pessimistic view of life in comparison to Rex’s, since Tod compares Rex’s hope with a negative image of a rat. Rex is chaotic and violent with the goal of being a mechanic like his father, but Tod doesn’t see this as a realistic dream. Putting Rex down reflects Tod’s bitterness for his own seemingly sealed fate; he has no hope of escaping poverty.

“Who cares? For the rest of the week they’d be the In Crowd. They’d get their costumes, their dress rehearsal, their show, their applause. After that they’d hand in reports, take their exams, and break for Christmas like the rest of us. Come January, no one will remember. They’ll be just the same old bunch of losers in the worst school in town.”

Although Tod claims that he doesn’t care about the students involved in the play, his actions suggest otherwise. Shulman follows the bitter question of “[w]ho cares” with a longer discussion of the actors to suggest that Tod does, in fact, care. He helps with the costumes, is disappointed that he didn’t get an audition, and later saves it from sabotage from Rex and Rob.

“As you can probably guess, I ended up sitting cross-legged like a third grader on my bed with my mother, explaining just about everything that had been going on in school. We took turns surprising the hell out of each other.”

Since his mother is always so busy, Tod rarely spends time with her. Sewing costumes brings them together, and Shulman depicts an intimate domestic image since they sit on the bed and Tod mimics a more youthful version of himself by “sitting cross-legged.” More stereotypes are deconstructed here: His mother isn’t exactly the absentee parent, and Tod’s “secret” is sewing, not drugs.

“Have I learned my lesson? Yes. Will I do anything so foolish again to myself, my reputation, and my school? Gosh, no. Never. Never, ever. Will I let myself be misled by the treachery of others? I swear on my life that I will not. Am I telling you the truth?

Why not?”

This quote is a microcosm for the entire novel, which features an unreliable narrator and the potential for redemption. In a tongue-in-cheek manner, Tod writes what he thinks his reader wants to hear but never openly admits to lying.

“It was the combination of ‘please’ and ‘buddy’ from Mom that disarmed me completely. She and my father used to call me buddy all the time, until maybe second grade, when poof! He was gone and I made sure I wasn’t anyone’s buddy anymore. Sometimes Mom leaks out a ‘buddy’ when she’s scared or worried about me, but that’s pretty rare nowadays.”

In a rare mention of his father, Tod reveals why no one is allowed to call him “buddy.” The word is a reminder of his father’s likely abandonment, which helped set Tod on the path of violence. Instead, Tod chooses his own nickname, “Pops,” to assert control.

“My expert knowledge of smoke signals and Morse code won’t help me order a pizza. I don’t have any money for stamps. Or anyone to write to. So I’m stuck here with you. Good thing you’re a jumbo! With 300 pages! College ruled! And most of your yellow pages are still blank. December is going to suck.”

Instead of Mrs. Woodrow, Tod’s new audience is the yellow writing pad itself. He personifies the pad, signaling how valuable writing and self-expression has become for him. Writing in the pad is a choice, not a punishment.

“Back at the start of detention, Mrs W. made me promise that I wouldn’t make up anything, and I kept my word the whole time. I just left stuff out if it could get someone in trouble. (Like me.) Sometimes for fun I dropped little hints.”

Shulman characterizes Tod as clever again: He doesn’t admit to outright lies, just strategic omissions and inclusions that show how he has evolved as a storyteller. Writing has helped him process emotions and grapple with his reality.

“What is anger?

It’s what happens when good intentions go bad.

What are the causes of teen anger?

See above.

What are the symptoms of teen anger?

Anger.

What is within the teen’s control?

Nothing.

What is out of the teen’s control?

The teen.”

Tod borrows these questions from an anger management pamphlet and answers them himself. The dark humor of his answers illustrates the irony in trying to use words in a pamphlet to combat anger: The actual words that help Tod combat anger are the ones he writes himself.

“‘I keep [Bernie] under control. Fire is stupid. He knows I’ll give him a pop if he messes up, like that morning we went to the dry cleaner’s.’

You smiled here. ‘A pop. That’s why you’re called Pops.’

‘Yeah, I used to pop anyone. The name doesn’t really fit me anymore.’”

The moment Mrs. Woodrow finally discovers what Tod’s nickname means is also the moment that he openly admits that it doesn’t suit him anymore. He is actively trying to distance himself from his violent past because he has learned another way to deal with his anger. This highlights Tod’s character development.