Red, White, and Whole

“So I’m caught between the life I want to lead and the one she thinks I should.”

One of the major conflicts in the book is Reha’s struggle to live her own life instead of the life she feels that her parents want her to live. In this way, she is caught between Familial Expectations and the life she lives as an American teenager. She does not feel as though she can authentically be herself in either place.

“My supervisor asked me to stop wearing my bindi

so my coworkers and our patients

aren’t uncomfortable.

Does that make you sad?

Yes, kanna.

Amma sighs

takes a tissue

wipes off the dot.”

With this quotation, it becomes apparent that Reha is not the only one who must struggle to fit into American cultural norms. Amma also has to hide the Indian parts of herself—specifically the evidence of her Hindu beliefs, while at work. Like Reha, Amma has to separate her life into different arenas: work and home. Her work life requires her to hide a part of herself that is very important to her. Even at a young age, Reha recognizes that this sacrifice makes her mother sad. Both characters therefore experience alienation because of their identities.

“He explains how the scrape will heal from the inside out,

how the oozing blood helps to clean the wound,

how it brings oxygen and white blood cells to fight germs,

how my skin will grow and cover everything again,

and I will be just fine.

And I know in that moment what I want to be when I grow up.”

Reha’s experience at the hospital is her first insight into the world of medicine and the first time she considers becoming a doctor when she grows up. Despite being unable to stand the sight of blood, Reha learns how integral blood is to the process of healing; all the different elements of blood come together as a whole to heal her. This foreshadows how Reha’s identity must come together as a whole, improving her sense of belonging.

“You are smart, Reha, kanna, he says.

But most important, you work hard. That is valued in this country.

You will be anything you want to be.”

Reha’s parents first came to America in search of opportunities for themselves and for their future children. Because of their many sacrifices, Reha feels like she has to live up to her parents’ Familial Expectations, even though her father tells her that she can be anything she wants. Only at the end of the novel does Reha finally understand that her parents want her to choose a good life that pleases her, whatever it turns out to be.

“Cells and plasma together are called whole blood,

which is what flows inside us.

Red, white, and whole,

the precious river in our arteries, our veins,

our hearts.”

The motif of red and white recurs often. Here, the colors refer to red and white blood cells. They symbolize how Reha, and indeed everyone, is made up of different parts that come together to make them whole. This passage also foreshadows Amma’s diagnosis with leukemia, a cancer of the blood.

“I am not expected to like boys.

I am not expected to date.

But all day long on the radio, people sing about falling in love,

about hearts breaking and mending

and breaking again.

And I wonder what it would be like

to follow mine.”

Reha is clearly torn between two worlds. She knows what is expected of her by her parents as an Indian child, but she struggles to simultaneously conform to the cultural expectations of her American life. She is influenced by her friends at school and the music she listens to in ways that she thinks her parents would not approve of, but nevertheless, she dreams of following her own desires, rather than always conforming to Familial Expectations.

“But does being the king’s son mean you will be the best leader? Pete asks.

Everyone stares at him.

That’s a good question, says Ms. Schultz.

I want to ask

Why can’t women be heroes?

But I don’t.

I just stay quiet and take notes.”

Thinking about heroism influences Reha’s personal development. Although Pete is able to voice this question boldly to the class, Reha is too shy to ask her own question. At this point in the novel, she is too preoccupied with conforming to society’s norms to fully realize that women can also be heroes.

“But outside my family’s smiles and hugs and shy questions,

their chatter and laughter and so so much food,

the rest of the city is full of people who stare

who know I’m different,

not just because of how I dress,

but because of how I talk, and walk,

and breathe.

No matter where I go,

America or India,

I don’t quite fit.”

As the child of immigrants, Reha never really fits in, and this holds true no matter which country she happens to be in: India or the United States. When she goes to India to visit, she feels a confusing mixture of both Alienation and Belonging. Having been fully immersed in American culture all her life, she feels as if there is an intrinsic difference that people in India notice about her, despite the fact that she looks Indian.

“But I am always halfway,

caught between

the life my parents want

and the one I have to live.

I take a breath, enter the room,

ask my parents

about the dance.”

As Reha grows older, it becomes harder and harder for her to keep the two halves of herself separate. This internal conflict comes to a head when she desperately wants to go to the upcoming school dance, despite knowing that it is something her parents, especially her mother, will not approve. Her decision to ask for permission to go to the dance despite the tension and conflict that she knows her request will cause highlights the deep importance the event holds in her mind.

“A mother gives you life,

nourishes you,

protects you,

helps you when you’re hurt.

But sometimes

it feels like too much.”

Amma is the most important figure in Reha’s life. She and Reha are close, but when Reha voices her desire to go to the school dance, her mother becomes visibly upset and withdrawn. Reha feels overwhelmed by her mother’s reaction and the burden of Familial Expectations and reflects that sometimes, the relationship between mother and child can be very complicated. There is love, compassion, and care, but there is also expectation, anxiety, and guilt.

“All my life, I have listened to adults.

All my life, I have done what they wanted.

But I am changing.

And so,

Quietly

Respectfully

I demand to go to the hospital.

And she listens.”

When Amma is hospitalized, Reha reaches a turning point. She is not willing to always do what the adults in her life tell her to do. Her love for her mother and the fear she feels not knowing what has happened to her makes her speak up and assert herself. It is the first time that Reha is able to embrace the ways in which she is changing and actively advocate for her own desires.

“Pete pats my shoulder,

and all the other girls,

the ones who seem too caught up with their clothes and hair and nails

reach out to squeeze my arm

pull me into hugs

murmur words of encouragement.

And it turns out I have yet another family,

one I never thought to call my own.”

When Reha’s classmates learn about her mother’s illness, Reha is surprised by the love and care that they show her. Family is deeply important to Reha, and for much of the book, Reha has only thought of other Indian people as being family. This moment is the start of her journey toward reconciling Alienation and Belonging by accepting herself as a whole person and realizing that every aspect of her life has yielded people who are part of her chosen family, even if they come from different cultural backgrounds.

“Amma held so much together in our home,

especially Daddy.”

He is lost without her.

How did I ever doubt they loved each other?”

Reha sees how deeply her mother’s hospitalization has affected her father. Observing how truly lost her father seems in Amma’s absence, she realizes that although the way her parents love each other might be different to her American peers, it is no less real.

“I am done living in two worlds.

I will be the daughter

my parents want me to be.”

Reha feels intense guilt when her mother is hospitalized. She believes that she should have noticed sooner that Amma was ill and that by paying too much attention to the American aspects of her world, she jeopardized the world that includes her mother and is therefore somehow directly at fault for the devastating leukemia diagnosis. She therefore resolves to fulfill all Familial Expectations and become the daughter her parents want her to be.

“Please, I whisper every morning

Please, I say as I light the lamps

Please, I whisper into my pillow at night

Please let me be virtuous enough.”

As Amma gets sicker and the treatments fail, Reha feels the burden of Familial Expectations more and more, though she is really imposing that burden on herself. By comparing herself to the hero Savitri, who saved her husband from death by being courageous and virtuous, Reha draws a direct line of causation between her own efforts and her mother’s survival.

“He reaches for my hand,

and I take it.

My arm doesn’t tingle,

because it doesn’t feel strange.

And I realize

we are friends,

both

living two lives,

both

rushing over rapids

in separate boats.”

In this scene, Pete and Reha become closer as she learns more about him. Reha realizes that while they are separate people from very different backgrounds, they are both going through similarly tumultuous events that cause their families pain. Both Amma’s illness and the divorce of Pete’s parents are events that would unnerve any adolescent, and therefore Reha and Pete have more in common than she thought. They truly are friends, despite their differences.

“Maybe if she hadn’t come here,

she wouldn’t be sick like this, I say.

That we do not know, says Prema Auntie. What we do know is

if she hadn’t married your father,

hadn’t come to America,

she wouldn’t have you.

And that would have been the greatest loss of all.”

Reha still feels her guilt over Amma’s illness keenly, and wonders if her life would have been better if Amma and her father had stayed in India. Here, she imagines an alternate reality that does not include her, and her aunt reassures her by asserting that a life without Reha would be a tragedy. In this way, the members of Reha’s family seek to absolve her from her misplaced sense of guilt over Amma’s illness.

“All of us have marrows filled with cells,

cells that will become red cells, white cells, platelets,

and some cells that can become any of them,

called stem cells.

They’re like you, Dr. Andrews says to me.

You can be anything you want to be. You haven’t yet decided.”

Stem cells are undifferentiated and can become any other kind of cell, just as Reha can choose to become any type of person. With this quote, Dr. Andrews finds a clever way to relate the complexities of biology to Reha’s own life. Because Reha has not yet grown up and decided what she wants to be, her future, like her mother’s, is still in flux.

“Pete counts off on his fingers:

A hero is brave, but not without fear.

Says what they believe is right.

Works to make the world better.

Acts out of love for others.

You check all the boxes, Reha.”

Reha has made the decision to try to be the bone marrow donor for her mother, if she is a match. She is scared, but brave, and is doing what she thinks is right to help her mother because she loves her so much. Pete assures her that because of these qualities, she is a hero.

“A mother is like life’s blood

Nourishing you

Protecting you

Helping you stop hurting

Until

she

is

gone.

I am still here,

but she cannot stay.”

This quote references the first chapter, which is titled “Always Something There to Remind Me.” In that chapter, Reha describes how a mother “gives you life, nourishes you, protects you, helps you when you’re hurt” (106). Both passages compare a mother to white blood cells, which protect the body from infection. Amma is Reha’s protector and in many ways, she represents one half of Reha’s life.

“And all the pieces of my life,

the streams that seemed so separate,

have flowed together.

In our house are gathered

Sunny and Rupa Auntie and all our Indian friends,

Rachel and the kids from school,

Pete, Penelope, and Mrs. Brown,

Amma’s colleagues from work,

Daddy’s group of engineers,

and even Dr. Andrews.”

After Amma’s death, Reha and her father hold a celebration for her. At this point in her tumultuous journey, Reha feels her Grief and Loss deeply, but through this celebration of her mother, she brings together all the important people from both halves of her life and realizes that she has always been a part of a rich and varied community.

“And know this: you belong. You belong to this country, where you are growing up. And you belong to India, where your blood is from. You belong to both, and they both belong to you. You will find your way in making those two streams one. You will write your own story, and it will be beautiful, because it is yours.”

The aerogramme that Amma leaves for Reha contains the most important thing that she wanted to tell her daughter while she was still alive. She assures Reha that she belongs both to America and to India, and she does not have to keep these two parts of herself separate. With this final permission from beyond the grave to embrace every part of herself fully, Reha is finally able to heal and grow.

“I’ve been watching Amma all my life.

It turns out she was watching me, too.

And she always understood.

She believed I didn’t need to be split in two,

that I could be whole.

And now, I start

to believe it, too.”

For most of the book, Reha feels that her mother does not truly understand her because she is growing up half American and half Indian. After reading the aerogramme, Reha realizes that her mother understood her more than she knew.