Reasons to Stay Alive

“As people who kill themselves are, more often than not, depressives, depression is one of the deadliest diseases on the planet. It kills more people than most other forms of violence—warfare, terrorism, domestic abuse, assault, gun crime—put together.”

Haig offers statistics to illustrate the subversive danger of depression, anxiety, and mental illness. In this chapter, he shows the gravity of depression and sets the tone for the rest of the memoir.

“But depression is a kind of quantum physics of thought and emotion. It reveals what is normally hidden.”

While depression is a deadly disease, Haig argues that it also allows for heightened sensitivity, creativity, and awareness. Here, Haig begins exploring the complexity, duality, and limitless potential of the human mind.

“But it only takes a doubt. A drop of ink falls into a clear glass of water and clouds the whole thing. So the moment after I realised I wasn’t perfectly well was the moment I realised I was still very ill indeed.”

Here, Haig uses a metaphor, where something is compared to something else without “like” or “as.” In this case, he compares doubt to “ink fall[ing] into a clear glass of water […]” He describes the struggle people with depression face; rather than being a clear and linear battle, there are often backslides. Ink may be a double-sided symbol, representing both doubt as well as the healing power of writing and language.

“Depression didn’t used to be depression. It used to be melancholia, and far fewer people suffered from that than they do from current depression. But did they really? Or are people more open about such things?”

Rather than phrasing his hypothesis as a statement, Haig offers it as a question. This encourages the reader to consider their own relationship with mental health and their perceptions of it in the world around them, and illustrates the importance of Language, Communication, and Community when addressing these issues in the wider world.

“The common answer is that men, traditionally, see mental illness as a sign of weakness and are reluctant to seek help.”

The book explores the stigmatization of mental illness, and in particular the stigma against men with mental illness. Haig recounts trying to talk with his father about his struggles, and the unwritten code of masculinity that existed between them. Haig highlights the importance of communication among all genders and the need to destigmatize mental illness.

“It is not you. It is simply something that happens to you. And something that can often be eased by talking. Words. Comfort. Support. It took me more than a decade to be able to talk openly, properly, to everyone, about my experience. I soon discovered the act of talking is in itself a therapy. Where talk exists, so does hope.”

Here, Haig directly addresses the reader as “you,” establishing intimacy. In many ways, the memoir serves as an extended call to action for more communication within society. By drawing from personal experience, Haig is able to speak from a place of both authority and encouragement. This quote highlights both The Healing Power of Time and the need for Language, Communication, and Community.

“Maybe looking at a specific part or chemical in the brain is only ever going to give us a partial answer. Maybe we should be looking at how we live, and how our minds weren’t made for the lives we lead.”

Haig presents a new perspective on The Relationship Between Society and Mental Health—that society is partly to blame for mental illness. There is a cyclical nature when it comes to depression and anxiety, with the world exacerbating mental illness. Haig suggests that mental illness isn’t a natural state because the societal stimuli that create it is not a natural way of living.

“People say ‘take it one day at a time’. But, I used to think to myself, that is all right for them to say. Days were mountains. A week was a trek across the Himalayas. You see, people say that time is relative, but it really bloody is.”

In the thick of his depression, Haig saw the days ahead as unbending and infinite. He uses metaphors, comparing days to “mountains” and a week to “the Himalayas.”

Haig acknowledges that time, and in particular the process of healing, can look different for everyone: There are numerous paths toward healing and no consistent treatment for everyone, an essential step toward destigmatizing mental illness.

“‘Monsters are real,’ Stephen King said. ‘And ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.’”

This is one of many literary references that Haig includes, creating numerous points of reference for the reader to understand both the universality of depression and its link to literature and art. Here Haig suggests that depression and mental illness are the “monsters” and “ghosts” that American writer Stephen King alludes to. Haig acknowledges the struggles others are going through. This quote also highlights the power of storytelling and language against mental illness.

“That’s the odd thing about depression and anxiety. It acts like an intense fear of happiness, even as you yourself consciously want that happiness more than anything.”

Haig illustrates the complex duality of mental illness, and one of the most common challenges people with depression face. Depression and anxiety, he says, seem counterintuitive; while those with depression and anxiety want happiness, they also fear it.

“Nothing lasts for ever. This pain won’t last. The pain tells you it will last. Pain lies. Ignore it. Pain is a debt paid off with time.”

Haig encourages the reader to see past their present anguish, evoking The Healing Power of Time. He uses short, declarative sentences and repetition— “pain”—for emphasis. Haig personifies pain, giving it the human ability to lie.

The idea that mental illness and disability lie is a prevalent motif throughout the book; here, Haig reiterates that it’s important to recognize these lies and see a way forward.

“There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.”

Here, Haig alludes to The Relationship Between Society and Mental Health, and some of the misunderstandings that often arise around mental illness. Even though Haig presents objective facts about depression, suicide, and stigmatization, he also acknowledges that there is no one truth that applies to every single person with anxiety or depression. Instead, mental illness and potential treatments should be understood on an individual level. Haig repeats “normal” for emphasis, suggesting that there is not a binary between “normal” and “abnormal.”

“Depression might be a hell of a price to pay for waking up to life, and while it is on top of you it is one that could never seem worth paying. Clouds with silver linings are still clouds. But it is quite therapeutic to know that pleasure doesn’t just help compensate for pain, it can actually grow out of it.”

A recurring idea within the memoir is that depression can contribute to creative fertility and a heightened awareness of the wider world. This not only explores another side to mental illness, but it also contributes to the core thematic thread of reasons to stay alive. By conveying the idea that surviving depression can make life even more fulfilling, Haig offers something to look toward in one’s own journey toward healing.

“There is this idea that you either read to escape or you read to find yourself. I don’t really see the difference. We find ourselves through the process of escaping.”

Haig’s love for literature comes through the memoir numerous times as he references beloved authors and novels. Here, he communicates the power of reading and engaging with storytelling as a way to not only put distance between oneself and depression, but also to achieve a level of self-knowledge that contributes to fighting mental illness in the longer term.

“The best way to beat a monster is to find a scarier one.”

This echoes Stephen King’s quote, referenced above: The concept of depression as a personified antagonist is woven throughout the memoir and through dialogue surrounding mental illness as a whole. Here, Haig explores a technique that has worked for him; personifying depression with sentient qualities, those of a monster, fits in with the themes of storytelling and community. 

“I believe that the term ‘mental illness’ is misleading, as it implies all the problems that happen, happen above the neck. With depression, and with anxiety in particular, a lot of the problems may be generated by the mind, and aggravate the mind, but have physical effects.”

Haig continues addressing the stigma around mental illness as well as the limitations of language when discussing its effects. He argues that people who don’t have depression overlook the physical manifestations of depression, and that this oversight largely contributes to the stigma and misconceptions that those with depression face. Haig opens a discussion about healthcare and its attitudes toward depression.

“There is a lot of cynicism about depressed celebrities, as if after a certain amount of success and money a human being becomes immune to mental illnesses. It is only mental illnesses that people seem to say this about. They don’t say it about the flu, for instance.”

Haig addresses The Relationship Between Society and Mental Health through the lens of celebrity and media. This relates to attitudes toward mental health within the healthcare industry, stigmas surrounding mental illness, and community within the mental health landscape. Here, Haig argues that depression is an illness like any other, such as the flu.

“People often use the word ‘despite’ in the context of mental illness. So-and-so did such-and-such despite having depression/anxiety/OCD/agoraphobia/whatever. But sometimes that ‘despite’ should be a ‘because.’”

Throughout the book, Haig argues that there is a correlation between mental illness and creative inspiration. He explores how depression and anxiety heighten awareness and sensations within the world, which can be channeled toward creativity. Haig himself has done this on his journey to recovery.

“To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.”

Haig takes a different look at The Relationship Between Society and Mental Health, proposing that societal expectation is at the root of many mental health issues. He discusses the effects of the media and advertising on people’s mental health and acknowledges one of the ways in which those with mental illness can push back against these negative stimuli.

“But, as time grew on, I knew something I hadn’t known earlier. I knew that down wasn’t the only direction. If you hung in there, if you stuck it out, then things got better. They get better and then they get worse and then they get better.”

Here, Haig acknowledges The Healing Power of Time and the way it shaped his journey. He doesn’t deny the complex struggle that people with depression face, as characterized by the chapter title “Peaks and troughs,” acknowledging that healing isn’t linear. Haig came to understand that, in spite of this, there is a way forward.

“I want a book to hug me or grab me by the scruff of my neck. I don’t even mind if it punches me in the gut. Because we are here to feel.”

Haig emphasizes his relationship with literature, and the importance of embracing the human condition. He personifies books with human qualities—they can “hug” “or grab” or “gut-punch” him. This illustrates how powerful books are for him.

Throughout the memoir, Haig presents a side to depression that he argues can open up new pathways of understanding and sensitivity to life. Here he details that heightened state of being and the sense that life should not be denied, even when it is painful.

“Imagine all the time we had was bottled up, like wine, and handed over to us. How would we make that bottle last? By sipping slowly, appreciating the taste, or by gulping?”

Haig presents the tool of living through one moment at a time, acknowledging and celebrating small victories—for instance, when he walks to a corner shop and back on his own. Here, toward the end of the memoir, he presents the idea that living through one moment at a time can be rewarding, encouraging the reader to look for beauty in the everyday as well as opportunities to grow.

“Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person. You can walk through a storm and feel the wind but know you are not the wind.”

Haig addresses the internalized stigma that many people with depression have, and the language that has until very recently been used to communicate ideas around mental illness. Haig emphasizes that mental illness exists outside of a person’s core being, which coincides with his idea that depression, as a separate entity, can speak to someone. He argues that awareness is essential to overcoming depression.