Real Friends

“Wendy and Laura were close in age. So were Cynthia and Joseph. I felt kind of alone in the middle.”

Shannon often feels like the odd one out in her family. She does not have a sibling close to her in age who can be a friend, and this contributes to her feelings of isolation and loneliness.

“Later I felt bad that I didn’t hug Tammy or anything. But I was way too excited. My wish had come true.”

In hindsight, Shannon realizes that she may not have been the best friend to Tammy, as she spent much of their friendship missing Adrienne and wishing she would come back. The medium of memoir allows Shannon Hale to reflect on her actions as a child with the benefit of being able to think differently about them as an adult.

“One good friend. My mom says that’s all anyone really needs.”

Shannon repeats this mantra often throughout her time in elementary school. As she struggles with Forming Genuine Friendships, she puts a lot of time and effort into her friendship with Adrienne because she believes that she only needs one good friend.

“​​Jen and Adrienne had a lot in common. I could see why Adrienne might want Jen as a best friend instead of me.”

Shannon’s primary worry is that her only friend will decide that she wants a different best friend. Rather than seeing Jen as a new friend for Adrienne and for herself, Shannon worries that Adrienne will leave her for Jen.

“My family didn’t exactly line up like Jen had her friends do at school…But I was used to feeling in last place.”

When Jen makes all the members of The Group line up in order of her preference, Shannon is reminded of her position at home, where she feels like the odd one out. Both at school and at home, Shannon feels left out.

“I wanted to sit by Jen too…but I had to count the bricks in the wall. If I didn’t recount them every time I walked by, I just felt yucky.”

As Shannon continues to struggle with Forming Genuine Friendships, she begins to exhibit symptoms of OCD. Counting the bricks on the wall allows her to feel like she has control over something. It is a self-soothing technique that she uses whenever she feels anxious.

“No matter how Wendy treated me…I was determined to be righteous, just like the prophets. I didn’t get why that made her madder.”

Wendy is often angry with Shannon, and Shannon cannot understand why. She tries to behave righteously, as she has been taught, and she does not understand that Wendy interprets her behavior as obnoxious and self-righteous.

“I was sure the school year couldn’t change our new friendship.”

This sentence foreshadows the events of Shannon’s fourth-grade year. She is certain of the solidity of her friendship with Jen and cannot imagine a future where that will change. She does not yet know that the fourth grade will be a tumultuous time for her.

“Jenny and I had a lot in common. We were both sorta popular because of our more popular best friends. Though her way more than me.”

There are similarities between Jen and Adrienne and between Jenny and Shannon. Unlike Jen and Adrienne, the similarities between Shannon and Jenny do not make them good friends. They feel like they have to compete for Jen and Adrienne’s friendship.

“Besides, when people said ‘carrot top,’ it sounded like they were really saying ‘weirdo.’”

Shannon experiences bullying about her hair and glasses. She recognizes that the bullying is not really about her appearance: The bullies want to have power over others by making their victims feel insecure.

“I felt trapped on a stormy sea…Up, down…At home too. Up, down…up, down…”

Shannon uses the metaphor of the stormy sea to convey her emotional turmoil. This metaphor embodies the unpredictable nature of her relationship with her friends and sister.

“The group was my world, and Jen was our Queen. If I told on Jenny, would Jen believe me? Or would I be out for good?”

Shannon likens her friend group to a royal court, with Jen as the queen. She worries that if she upsets Jen in any way, she will be banished, like a queen might banish disloyal subjects.

“The boys never ratings called us. I guess they didn’t care what we thought about them.”

Shannon has not spent very much time thinking about boys in her life. She does not understand why the other girls in The Group spend so much time thinking about what the boys think. This moment helps her realize that she does not have to care so much about what other people think of her.

“When I stand up for you, she just gets madder. From now on, I’m staying out of it.”

Shannon’s mother abdicates the responsibility of helping her two daughters work out their differences. She sees their conflict as something that they should resolve by themselves without the mediation of an adult. Shannon’s mother fails her because the young girl could benefit from her mother’s help in navigating the relationship with Wendy.

“I tried to turn this daydream into a story…but it stayed in my head. I couldn’t seem to write stories alone.”

Without friends to play pretend with, Shannon struggles to write down her story ideas. Her friends were a creative outlet for her creativity, and playing with them allowed her to work through her ideas.

“I wasn’t sure if leaving The Group was the right choice. At least I’d had friends. Now sometimes I was so sad I could barely breathe.”

Shannon struggles to know whether or not she made the right decision to leave The Group. Her sadness manifests as profound anxiety, often taking her breath away. She has made the difficult decision to be alone instead of letting Jenny bully her, a reflection of how Shannon is Setting Personal Boundaries.

“I felt less brave than ever, not nearly brave enough to work on my own stories. But I could imagine them.”

While Shannon has not yet become confident enough to work on her stories by herself, she uses her imagination to think about them. Imagining what should happen in a story replaces her playing pretend with her friends. This progression is part of her Coming of Age and Gaining Confidence.

“Sounds like anxiety. Lots of kids grow out of it. Shannon, try not to worry so much.”

The doctor provides very little useful advice for how Shannon should manage her anxiety, demonstrating a societal lack of awareness of children’s mental health. This is another example of the adults in Shannon’s life failing to provide her with the support and guidance she needs to get through what she is experiencing.

“They were nice to everyone. It was a new kind of popular.”

Shannon is overjoyed to find new friends in Zara and Veronica. They demonstrate to her a new way to be popular: Being kind rather than vying for the attention of a group leader and putting others down in order to do so.

“I’d promised I’d never call people names…But I felt that maybe this one time at least, Jesus would understand.”

Shannon often imagines talking to Jesus, who gives her comfort when she has no one to talk to. She imagines that Jesus understands her actions and thought processes and would forgive her for calling Kayla’s bullies a mean name in order to cheer her up.

“We just walked around, practiced being sixth graders. I wanted to try out Zara and Veronica’s kind of popular, the nice kind.”

Zara and Veronica are positive role models for Shannon. When Shannon begins to emulate them, she is able to move more toward Forming Genuine Friendships that are based on kindness.

“Wendy did always seem too much for our house, for our neighborhood. Maybe Los Angeles would be big enough.”

Throughout the book, Wendy is one of Shannon’s primary antagonists. Shannon realizes that Wendy was going through her own struggles and also never really fit in. For her, the solution is to make a new life in a place where she feels more comfortable.

“Friends, can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. Sometimes I just wanna go ARGH!”

Wendy and Shannon finally bond over their difficulties making friends. Shannon realizes that she and Wendy had more in common than she thought. She recognizes some of Wendy’s anger and frustration in herself.