Quicksand

As spring approaches, Helga experiences another mood shift and feels restless and discontent. She feels that “the glow began to fade from her conception of life” (47), but a medical doctor rules out any physical illness. An alarming epiphany comes upon the young woman, who essentially perceives the world as gray and without interest, and realizes that “…for some unknown reason, it was of herself she was afraid” (47). She withdraws from her local social contacts and begins to find herself repulsed by other Harlem residents.

Even Anne, previously deemed “perfect” by Helga, has come to upset her. She dislikes a certain hypocrisy that is evident in her hostess’ behavior. Specifically, Anne perceives herself to be an activist regarding race issues, preaching “equal opportunity for all” (48). Conversely, Anne is intolerant of the “lusty churches…picturesque parades, and…native clowning in the streets” that characterized the Harlem population (48). Helga notes a conflict in Anne’s racial attitudes; while she “hated white people with a deep and burning hatred”, she “aped their clothes…manners…and gracious ways of living” (48). 

Helga attends a health meeting at a Harlem church, and happens upon Dr. Robert Anderson again. She experiences the same attraction and repulsion toward him that characterized their last meeting, and leaves him alone with Anne when he calls upon her a few days later. Helga has had “a thousand indefinite longings toward him” (51), but is unable to spend time with him. When she arrives home, Anne is not home. The following day, she advises Helga that Naxos has found Anderson to be “too liberal” for Naxos (52). 

Helga’s mood deteriorates with the onset of fall. The residents of Harlem who had previously energized her now strike her as “Stupid fools!” (53). Additionally, she dreads Anne Grey’s return from her holiday.

She receives a letter from her maternal uncle, Peter, pertaining to the unfortunate outcome of Helga’s unannounced visit to his home. He encloses money that he was saving for Helga’s inheritance, and suggests that she visit her maternal aunt, Katrina, in Copenhagen, Denmark. Uncle Peter also notes that “she always wanted you” (54). 

Helga’s emotional response to the letter is initially one of unreality, followed by a sense of contempt for her black co-workers, and an ensuing sense of guilt. However, she rejoices in her ability to leave her current situation. Her feeling is that she did not belong to her race of “dark segregated people” (55). She recalls having visited Katrina in Copenhagen with her mother as a young child, and wonders why her mother did not allow Katrina to keep her there when she asked to do so. In a characteristic mood swing, she rejoices at the expectation of freedom, yet dreads the dinner party planned to honor Anne’s homecoming that evening. She picks a black net dress accented with orange that Anne had criticized as giving Helga “the air of something about to fly” (56), as it symbolizes her imminent freedom. While making domestic preparations for Anne’s return, she realizes that her hostess has treated her with great kindness, yet Helga remains firm in her intention to leave New York immediately. Helga’s mood is lifted as she anticipates a wonderful future in unknown places surrounded by people who will love and understand her.

The evening of the dinner party is hot and humid, and the guests decide to visit a Harlem cabaret when the meal is over. Helga enjoys the “sudden streaming rhythm” (59) of the music and is transported; however, she then reminds herself that she is not “a jungle creature” (59). Once again, she fixates on the variations in color around her, in the hair, skin and eyes of the other people in the cabaret.

Helga sees Dr. Robert Anderson of Naxos at a table with a light-skinned, young black woman named Audrey Denney. Anne Gray violently disapproves of Audrey due to her association with white people and the integrated guest list at the parties that she hosts. Anne opines that excessive drinking occurred there and that “white men danced with colored women” (61). Helga is angry at this response and resists the impulse to leave immediately. Her own sense is that Audrey is to be admired for ignoring all racial barriers.

Helga watches Dr. Anderson dance with Audrey and feels “envious admiration” for her (62). She is discomfited by the longing she experiences for her former principal, and climbs the stairs to escape the basement in which the club is located. She enters a taxi, once again feeling “unhappy, misunderstood and forlorn” (62).