Pay It Forward

Arlene reflects on how Ricky, her ex, never came home, but the Ford truck came back broken. She had to pick up a second job at the Laser Lounge to keep up on its payments, even though she couldn’t drive it anywhere. She wonders if Ricky is still alive, and, if so, if he’s trying to sweet talk a new girl. This thinking keeps her awake at night. She blames it on the presence of the truck.

She tries to get money for the door of the Ford truck, but the guy, who reminds her of Ricky, tries to bargain with her. She feels attracted to him, knowing that he’s probably had a troubled past, like Ricky, but is frustrated at and tired by this attraction. Ricky’s ex-wife, Cheryl, pulls into the driveway “to thank [Arlene] for being a two-faced slut” (25).

From Those Who Knew Trevor Speak by Chris Chandler (1999)

Arlene reflects on how she came to be pregnant with Trevor, and that it wasn’t planned, but since Cheryl and Ricky had been trying for a while, she didn’t take precautions and accidentally got pregnant. Cheryl and Ricky were still married, and things grew complicated. Arlene remembers wishing that they lived in a big city so she and Ricky could go out dancing without people gossiping about them, but Atascadero is so small they had to keep their relationship a secret. She remembers Ricky driving her up to the lights overlooking the town, so they could dance in private, and when they danced she knew she was in love with him: “It was like there always was a me and Ricky, and I was sure there always would be” (27). They had sex, and she became pregnant with Trevor.

In Arlene’s living room, Cheryl asks for a drink, and Arlene drinks with her, even though she is supposed to be recovering from alcoholism. Arlene reflects on the sayings of her sponsor, Bonnie, who says that Arlene has to make amends. Arlene is trying to make amends with Cheryl for her affair with Ricky. Cheryl believes that Arlene knows where Ricky is and won’t tell her, but Arlene says that if she knew where Ricky was, she would have him deal with the loans on his truck. Cheryl says that Arlene has gotten what she deserves for cosigning on the truck. Arlene drinks more, and then tries to apologize, but Cheryl refuses to accept her apology. Cheryl says she came over to see if Ricky was at Arlene’s home. Arlene wonders how Ricky makes women care about him so much.

Trevor comes in looking like a mess. Arlene asks him where he’s been, and then scolds him for not asking permission. Trevor is silent, wondering why Cheryl is there. At Arlene’s request, Trevor leaves. Cheryl says Trevor looks just like Ricky. Arlene lies and says he’s not Ricky’s. Cheryl maintains that he looks just like him, which Arlene again refutes, knowing that Cheryl wanted a child but never got one.

Bonnie comes over, thinking that Arlene wants to talk, and Arlene cries. They pour all the alcohol in the house down the sink. When they’re finished, Arlene stares at the truck through her bedroom window, saying that the trees sing Ricky songs at night. Bonnie tells her it’s just the wind. Bonnie tells her she’ll come back tomorrow to check on her and leaves. Arlene goes into Trevor’s room, and tells him he’s “‘the one good thing I ever did’” (32).

From The Diary of Trevor

Trevor doubts that his father ever went to Vietnam because his friend Joe’s father went and has a lot of stories about it, although he doesn’t tell this to his mother. Trevor thinks Reuben is cool and wants to do really well on the assignment. 

Jerry spends the night in a dumpster, waiting for 9 a.m. to answer the newspaper ad that Trevor has left advertising free money to someone down on their luck. Even though Jerry doesn’t want to attribute the ad to proof in divinity, he feels like it’s a sign, although he is so down he feels like his life has no meaning other than getting money to fuel his addiction. He goes to the corner early to wait, but sees that he is already eighteenth in line. Jerry gets angry that it is so cold at night in California, and looks at the other people in line. He almost leaves, but the promise of free money keeps him.

Forty-nine people are waiting in line when Trevor shows up on his bike. He is surprised at the number of people. A large, tough homeless guy asks if he’s responsible for the ad, and Trevor says he is, and the guy leaves. Many other people follow him, grumbling as they depart. Jerry asks if the ad is a joke, and Trevor explains that he has a paper route which makes him $35/week, and he wants to give it to someone for new clothes and food so they can get a job and then not need it. Someone else asks who Trevor will give it to and Trevor tells them to write down why they should get the money. Trevor wonders why people leave, following this request; a lady asks why he thinks they can all write, which surprises Trevor.

Jerry writes that he does not deserve the money any more than anyone else. He says that other people might lie, but he will be honest, and that luck has nothing to do with the situations these people are in, himself included. Jerry admits that he has a heroin problem, but that he has been clean for a few weeks, and that he has experience as a mechanic. He used to be able to work and nobody cared about how dirty he was, but because times have been hard, more people showed up to interviews for mechanic jobs that had higher qualifications and nicer appearances. Jerry also states that people don’t want to hire someone who is homeless. He promises not to screw it up, because he is not okay with living on the street. He thanks Trevor. After Jerry finishes writing his note, he sees it is only him and Trevor left. 

Arlene wakes up early to Trevor asking if Jerry can take a shower. Confused by who Jerry is and still half-asleep, Arlene tells Trevor to use his own judgment. When she fully wakes up later, she is angry at Ricky and the truck. She gives Trevor hot cereal and Jerry joins them, much to Arlene’s surprise. She unkindly asks who he is, and Trevor reminds her of their earlier conversation, which Arlene does not entirely remember. Jerry creeps towards the door and thanks Arlene. Trevor asks Jerry if he needs money for the bus, but Jerry says he has enough saved from his clothes money. Trevor wishes Jerry luck with finding a job and Jerry leaves. Arlene angrily asks Trevor about Jerry and questions his judgment, then tells him Jerry is not allowed back in the house. She sanitizes every surface in the bathroom that Jerry might have touched.

A few days later, Arlene comes back from the bar late at night to find Jerry tinkering with the truck. She doesn’t realize it’s him at first and thinking someone has come to steal parts off it, she gets Ricky’s shotgun from her closet. She loads it will nonlethal bird shot and confronts Jerry. She realizes who it is, but does not lower her weapon. Jerry explains that he’s been taking the truck apart so Arlene can sell it for parts, as she would make much more money off of it that way. Arlene is suspicious, but Jerry explains that he has a day job now and can only help at night. He has labeled all of the parts in the garage.

Arlene asks why he’s helping her, and Jerry explains that Trevor helped him by giving him money. Arlene asks if he’s going to pay Trevor back, and Jerry responds that he has to pay it forward, which Arlene doesn’t understand. Jerry vaguely alludes to Trevor’s social studies assignment, but says that Arlene should talk to Trevor. Arlene says she doesn’t want Jerry in the house, and Jerry says that he’s not in the house. Arlene goes to talk to Trevor, who is asleep, but finds she cannot be angry with him.

The next day, Arlene goes to have a talk with Reuben, because she still can’t find the nerve to be angry at Trevor. When she gets to his classroom, she “misplaced all that good steam she had built up” (45) after she realizes that Reuben is black. Arlene always tries to go out of her way to be nice to black people and doesn’t want her anger to be misinterpreted as racism. Then she sees his face, and she is speechless “because she had never seen a man with only half a face” (46). She asks what paying forward is, but Reuben thinks she is asking rhetorically, as he also doesn’t know. She misinterprets his curiosity and amusement as condescension. Reuben asks who she is, and Arlene introduces herself. Reuben speaks fondly of Trevor, saying he is “very honest and direct” (46). Arlene seems confused as to why Reuben thinks these are good qualities.

Reuben asks Arlene about paying forward, and Arlene again feels as though he is being condescending, but she explains that it has to do with an assignment. Reuben tells her the assignment: “Think of an idea for world change, and put it into action” (47). Arlene finds the assignment ridiculous, but Reuben argues that it is voluntary for extra credit, and that he only offers it as a civic exercise. Arlene still finds this ridiculous, arguing that Jerry living in the garage is Reuben’s fault. Reuben says she should talk to Trevor, which angers Arlene. Deciding she does not like Reuben, Arlene goes to leave but Reuben asks if Ricky is dead. Arlene says he is not, and Reuben says he thought Trevor was being “euphemistic” (48), which Arlene does not understand but believes to be an insult.

From The Diary of Trevor

Trevor worries whether his idea will be a success: “It’s really hard to know what’s a good idea when you’re growing and these ideas don’t hold still and neither do you” (49). Trevor thinks that the only difference between his father and Jerry is that Jerry is cleaner.

Pausing from taking apart the truck, Jerry takes a nap in the garage, but Arlene comes in to wake him. She asks him where he’s been staying, and he says on a couch at his new job. She says she’ll take him there so he can sleep. Even though Jerry is upset that she treats him “like vermin” (51), he can’t fault her because he knows he is, and, also, she’s very pretty. In the car, he reflects that they’re not very different. He tells her that her Dodge Dart is a good car, and she thinks he’s being sarcastic. He says he knows she doesn’t like him, but she maintains that her concern is for Trevor’s safety. They have a heated conversation about her not treating him like a person.

A comet lights up the sky. Jerry says that when he was a kid, he thought meteors made wishes come true. Arlene reflects on the commonality of mankind. Jerry says that when he gets his paycheck later today, he’ll get a room and “be out of your hair” (53). Arlene asks Jerry to explain Pay It Forward.

From Those Who Knew Trevor Speak

Jerry explains Pay It Forward to Arlene by drawing circles with a stick in the dark. He draws three circles, meant to represent himself and the other two people Trevor will help, then draws three more circles underneath all of those circles, and on and on, until he runs out of dirt. He thinks about how good it could be, even though he and Arlene both know it won’t be because people are no good. Another shooting star lights up the night. Arlene explains how difficult it is to talk to Trevor because he reminds her of Ricky. Jerry explains that he’s going to turn his life around, and Arlene says he can have her car. They talk for a while, and then Arlene goes home.

Jerry gets his paycheck and intends to buy work boots but goes to a bar instead. He buys himself and two friends beers; they play pool, and he lies and tells them he’s been in San Francisco, instead of living on the streets. One of the guys calls Tito, a drug dealer, who comes over with heroin and convinces Jerry to buy a little. Before Jerry knows it, he is broke, hungry, and in a Denny’s one day later.