Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depended on It

In contrast with prevailing perspectives of the past, Voss suggests that negotiation is best understood as a primarily emotional process rather than a dry, rational exchange. To him, negotiation is just human nature. This realization spurred him and his colleagues at the FBI to develop a distinct and practical format for negotiation, grounded in experience and psychology. Most of the techniques he discusses throughout Never Split the Difference are methods to uncover, modify, or simply take advantage of a counterpart’s emotional state. Mirroring, for instance, exploits a biological tendency to elaborate, while labeling emotions drains them of their urgency. Allowing counterparts to say “no” and getting them to say “that’s right” are both touted as methods to facilitate emotional security and understanding on a deeper level. The goal is not just to bring emotions out into the open, but also to move your counterpart in a direction that advances your interests in the negotiation. Sometimes this entails calming down a stressed or anxious counterpart. It can also involve coaxing a shy counterpart to speak up, a pushy counterpart to slow down and reconsider, or whatever else the situation requires.

That’s not to say that every negotiation involves extreme emotions and deep, empathetic connection. Even in relatively low-key negotiations, knowledge of the ways in which human behavior is predictably irrational can be instrumental. For instance, a negotiator who understands loss aversion can generate stronger leverage than one who relies only on positive leverage. Similarly, using a range of numbers to anchor a counterpart can shift perceptions of fairness to favor a desired outcome. Although some readers may consider such tactics manipulative, Voss implies that ignoring human nature when negotiating is simply irrational.

The text also warns negotiators to be aware of their own human limitations. Even the most skilled negotiators are susceptible to their own emotions, which can sometimes urge them toward counterproductive behaviors. Negotiators who are insufficiently open to and curious about new developments—including black swans—may miss out on significant opportunities.