47 pages • 1 hour read
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Greg returns to school in late October. He catalogs his very boring days through a series of sarcastic newspaper headlines, wondering if when you die, you’ll find a room full of similar headlines about your life. Given that it’s the fall semester of his senior year, Greg’s parents encourage him to think about colleges. Greg believes that since high school has been so difficult to navigate, college will be even harder, which causes him intense anxiety. In response to his parents’ urging him to submit his films as an extracurricular, Greg hates the idea so much that he pretends to be dead until they leave the room. He brings up the subject of college with Rachel, who immediately sides with his parents. Greg deflects by making his belly talk in a Southern accent, but Rachel refuses to let go of the subject. She questions Greg about his choice of school and his choice of major, and when Greg fails to distract her with his talking-stomach routine, he turns the questioning around on her: to what college is she applying? This accomplishes his goal of stopping the conversation, but not until after he realizes he’s been a colossal jerk in asking a dying girl about her plans for the future. Rachel turns away, then says she’ll wait to apply to colleges until she feels better. Greg attempts to cheer her up, giving her a book of colleges to look at, but Rachel remains low. She tells Greg he can stop visiting if he wants to. This comment troubles him because she is so sick now that he finds it difficult to cheer her up, and that was his only job. He assures her that he wants to visit her because Rachel is his friend and he likes her. She hopes to be in a better mood for his next visit.
Greg explains what leukemia is (cancer of the blood and bone marrow) and how it works. Surgery can extract localized cancer, but leukemia spreads throughout your entire body, so it’s not as easy to battle. Chemotherapy attacks cancer, but it also destabilizes a lot of other bodily functions, causing patients to lose their hair, their skin to appear sallow, and to lose a lot of weight due to gastrointestinal problems. Greg cites typical cancer stories as showing patients with leukemia sharing heartfelt thoughts as they die, but his reality is much different. Rachel doesn’t talk much at all and is rarely in a good mood because of the pain she’s experiencing. Instead of trying to make her laugh or talk, Greg sits with Rachel, and they watch his films together. As they do, Greg starts to see the films the way Rachel might see them – as an “uncritical fan” (197). Rachel’s mood continues to darken, and she confesses to Greg that she knows she’s dying.
Greg’s time with Rachel affects his schoolwork, and Mr. McCarthy pulls Greg into his office for a chat. He’s concerned about Greg and tells him so. He doesn’t want him to fail out of his senior year. Even though Greg has “the best excuse in the world right now,” he “can’t use it” and must refocus his efforts on his homework so he can graduate on time (204). Tensions rise in all areas of Greg’s life: Greg’s dad pretends to be a cannibal at the dinner table and offends his sister, Gretchen, and he and Earl are not making any movies, so there’s little to distract Greg from what’s going on with Rachel. He convinces himself he’s exhausted and not sad about her. Greg feels guilty whether he’s at the hospital or not, and this guilt depletes his energy. Transitioning into script format, Greg illustrates a scene between him and Earl on his back porch, as they discuss the boundaries and conventions of sexuality, after which Earl offers Greg an ill-advised come-on line he could use on Madison.
Not only do the abrupt shifts in narrative style reflect Greg’s desire to remain in control of his life, they also illustrate Greg’s aversion to dealing with reality. Rachel’s health deteriorates daily and at an alarming pace, but Greg still asks her about applying to college, something he immediately identifies as the wrong move, but something he doesn’t realize as the wrong move until the mistake is made,predominantly because he hasn’t truly accepted that Rachel is going to die.
When Greg tries to understand what the cancer is doing to Rachel, his mom equates it to a city being under attack, but Rachel refocuses him on the reality of it: she has cancer, and she’s getting chemotherapy. When his schoolwork suffers, Greg’s teacher understands the sadness he must feel. But Greg believes he’s just exhausted, not sad. It makes sense that if Greg cannot be honest about what is happening to Rachel, he also would struggle with being honest about his own feelings.