Lola in the Mirror

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of substance use, graphic violence, death by suicide, and sexual violence and harassment.

Adolescent development involves grappling with identity, but Dalton shows that this process is more complex when trauma is involved. Lola demonstrates this via her quest to understand her past while surviving adversity in the present. Lola’s internal struggle is rooted in a past she knows little about. Lola does not know her name and plays the “‘Hey, Mum, What’s My Real Name’ game” (32). This conversation occurs often enough that it has its own title. In it, Lola calls out a name and its meaning. The girl also often asks other people who they are and contemplates her place amid the eight billion people on the planet. However, Lola seeks more from her past than just her name. When she believes she is Elizabeth Finlay, she turns to her magic mirror for help. The reflection advises, “All the answers are staring you right in the face […]. You know exactly who you are” (114). The woman in the mirror represents the girl’s conflict. Lola believes knowing her name and past will reveal who she is, but her reflection insists that she look inside herself. Lola does not know this yet, but the woman in the mirror, an older, wiser Lola, knows it and tries to impart her wisdom. Magical realism fuels this theme, for the woman in the mirror is the girl herself, revealing Lola’s identity in plain sight.

In addition to her past, Lola’s current reality contributes to her identity crisis. In a harsh world, it is not just her name that Lola seeks but also its meaning. This demonstrates that she is also trying to determine what she values and what traits are essential. The adversity she faces helps her parse out what defines her. When talking about labels others give her, she notes that “I ain’t homeless, I’m just houseless” and that “I’d love it if you called me ‘the artist’” (17). Repeatedly, Lola emphasizes that she is not without a home because she feels loved and “at home” with certain people and in certain places. Her lack of housing does not define her; instead, it is a circumstance with which she must contend. Additionally, her desire to be called an artist connotes her need to break free from labels that restrict her. Despite her situation, Lola knows she is an artist. However, she feels conflicted about herself in different ways, which is captured in the name given to a group of her sketches: “Beleaguered Girl Balances on the Edge of Good and Evil Period” (262). This label highlights how torn she is between her values, which drive her to be a good person, and her situation, which forces her to participate in criminal activities, like dealing drugs. Because Lola cannot rectify this dichotomy, she still searches for answers to her identity. Overall, her continual reference to her life as a mistake highlights how Lola’s circumstances complicate her quest for identity.

Ultimately, Lola learns that identity is more than a name or what happens to a person. After first seeing Danny’s sketchbook, she follows him each day. She notices that he is a good observer and thinks, “We artists see things others can’t see. We artists infer. We artists intuit” (282). Despite calling herself an artist in the past, this is the first time that she groups herself with others with the collective “we.” This subtle shift in language indicates that Lola is starting to accept who she is. Although she still struggles with her mistakes and the things she must do to survive, she is finally pinpointing the essence of who she is, not just as an artist but also as an observant, intuitive person. The author highlights this understanding of herself when she rejects her given name, Iris Gould. Keeping this name would tether her to the past, and she finally grasps that she is more than the things that happen to her. When she chooses her name, it mixes past, present, and future: Lola Inthemirror.