Lawn Boy

Mike and Andrew protest outside a pet store that gets its dogs from a puppy mill. Andrew is disappointed when no other protesters show up for the event. Andrew tells the gruesome story of puppy mills to a little girl that they see: “Some puppy mills,” he explained, “are littered with piles of dead, partially eaten dogs, stuffed in corners and hanging from rafters. And in some puppy mills, starving adult dogs eat their newborn puppies” (255). The little girl screams hysterically after hearing this information.

Andrew becomes depressed and tells Mike: “I’m a phony. All my lists are bullshit. All my talk, all my posturing, all my big ideals” (257). He feels guilty about traumatizing the little girl and about eating a hot dog at the Walmart protest: “I’m a complete hypocrite! Look at me: I wear leather shoes. I bank at Wells Fargo” (257). Mike responds: “Dude, that’s not true. You’re an inspiration” (257). He compliments Andrew for working as a librarian, noting that a “librarian is a public treasure” (257).

Mike runs into Goble, who is not angry at Mike for outing him. He tells Mike that his deal to sell the property to the Black football player fell through. Goble offers him work, but Mike declines. The same day, Nick calls to offer him a job that he lined up for him at Les Schwab, a car place. Mike tells Nick that he doesn’t want to work on tires.

Mike runs into his old boss Chaz, who has been released from jail. Chaz describes his experience as “a few bumps in the road” (266). He is living out of his car and attending AA meetings. He tells Mike he is planning to start an e-commerce company called Fried Chicken. Mike lets Chaz sleep in his mom’s driveway.

Tino, Mike’s former coworker, drops by. Tino tells Mike he is starting his own landscaping business, and he wants Mike to be his partner: “T&M Landscaping—you know, for Tino and Miguel” (272). He wants to make Mike the “face of the business” because Mike is whiter than he is (272). Tino explains that clients lowball him because he’s Mexican. Tino offers Mike 50% of the company, but Mike agrees to only 45%. He tells Tino he agreed to less because Tino had already lined up some accounts. Mike is “over the moon” after accepting Tino’s offer and suggests the slogan: T&M Landscaping: Saving the World, One Lawn at a Time” (274, 275).

Andrew enthusiastically congratulates Mike about his new business partnership. He suggests some of the clients may want topiary: “You’ve got talent, Michael—I wish I had your talent. Your merman is sublime” (277).

They go out to eat at the Loft, where Mike runs into Remy. Andrew notices Remy looking at Mike and encourages him to talk to her. Mike goes up to talk Remy for a while but then returns to Andrew.

After eating, they go to American Legion Park. Mike tells Andrew the story of how he made the merman. They both laugh, and Mike notices Andrew’s lip is bleeding because it has become snagged on his braces. As he leans forward to wipe the blood off Andrew’s lip, Andrew leans into him, and Mike kisses him. Andrew asks if he’s sure, and Mike uncertainly says “yes.”

Andrew makes breakfast at two in the morning and then suggests they make a list of things Mike needs to do for the business. The list includes “Get Bonded. Get Licensed. Move Out” (284). Then, they make another list of places they want to go: “New Zealand. Disneyland. Dentist.” (284).

After acting on his affections for Andrew, Mike experiences some panic and doubt about the unknown future ahead of him: “My old life seemed irretrievable. What was I supposed to do now? Who would I be disappointing? Who would I be walking away from? Where was I going? Would I be with other men, or was this something specific to Andrew? What were the moral implications of changing my identity, of making my loved ones uncomfortable, of forcing them to accept me?” (285).

After Andrew goes to work, Mike stays in his apartment flipping through books and imagining the topiary artwork he could create.

Mike comes out to Freddy. Freddy slaps him on the shoulder and says: “Look at the bright side: at least you ain’t black” (289). When he tells his mother he’s gay, she looks relieved and says, “Oh, thank God. I thought you had a tumor” (289). When Mike asks her if she knew he was gay, she replies: “Well, I am your mother” (290).

When Mike tells Nick that he’s gay, “he didn’t look repulsed, just confused, like his nose was bleeding and he didn’t know why” (292). Mike tells him it’s no big deal and doesn’t change anything between them. Nick responds that it is a big deal since they have been friends for years and he is just now finding out that Mike is gay. Mike explains that he is just figuring it out himself.

Nick says: “Ugh. Okay. Fuck. Can we just play some darts and not talk about this?” (293). He finishes the dart game and then leaves.

Mike is not sure there is still room for Nick in his life.

Mike goes to the Loft to apologize to Remy for sending her mixed signals and not texting her. He tells her, “[…] it’s not you, it’s me” (295). She responds: “Look, Mike, you’re giving yourself way too much credit” (295).

He is just about to tell her he’s gay when she cuts him off, says, “No, really” and walks out the door.

Nick calls Mike and invites him to watch the Hawks football game with him at the casino. Andrew drops Mike off at the casino and offers to give him and Nick a ride home if they’re drinking. At halftime, Nick apologizes to Mike in his own way: “Look, bro. I got to thinking about it. And as much as it grosses me out, you sucking dick and the rest of it, I gotta admit you’re pretty fucking brave. It takes guts to be a fag—I couldn’t do it” (298).

Nick tells Mike that he hopes he gets what he wants with his new business, his novel, and his sculptures. He then says: “Promise me you won’t get a sex change, Michael” (299).

Mike responds: “I’m gay, Nick, not transgender” (299).

A client named Russ, who is himself an artist, hires Mike to “sculpt his bushes into knights and gladiators” (301). Russ watches Mike work through a picture window and gives him a thumbs up.

Mike takes inventory of all the people who have helped him achieve his dream. Andrew, his “knight in shining armor, or shining braces,” (303) helped him and Tino navigate the bureaucracy of business licensing, bonding, and insurance. Tino gave him “the greatest opportunity” of his professional life (303). Mike is also thankful to Chaz for teaching him “the imperative of thinking big, even when you couldn’t afford to—especially when you couldn’t afford to. And even Doug Goble imparted some wisdom to me, if only in a cautionary way, about the trappings of ambition and the vacuum of the tireless pursuit” (304).

Mike concludes that based on his experience: “No man is an island, even if Bainbridge is” (305).

Mike enjoys Thanksgiving dinner with his mother, Andrew, Freddy, Nick and “a clean-shaven Chaz, who is really close to getting back on his feet” (307). As Mike says: “Tino and his roommates are swinging by later with a case of Tecate. Goble might even drop by for a little dessert, but I’m not holding my breath” (307).

Mike and his tribe drive to Anaheim. Years after his father’s cruel trick, Mike finally makes it to Disneyland: “I can see the castle spire stretching skyward in the distance, and just beyond the gates of the Happiest Place on Earth, an outpouring of floral promise, red and white, and blue and yellow, in the thick of a great green expanse of new-mown grass” (310).