Kokoro

In Kokoro’s final chapters, Sensei’s personality is brought into focus. For the narrator, Sensei’s acerbic view of the world was a novelty to be interrogated. As he reads on, however, he realizes that Sensei’s Cynicism and Antipathy were motivated by a loathing for both the world and himself. In these chapters, Sensei outlines what he believes to be his failures and betrayals. He betrays K by insulting him intellectually and then going to Okusan behind his back to ask for permission to marry Ojosan. After K’s death, he betrays his memory by lying about his possible motivations to K’s family and by hiding the secret for so long. He betrays the woman that he supposedly loves by refusing to share his pain with her and using alcohol to numb his pain to the detriment of her happiness.

Sensei portrays himself as a man without pity; he does not feel pity for himself, and he does not want pity from others. For years, however, his fear of being blamed has prevented him from telling the truth, and this has made him feel even more like a coward. Writing the letter has become an exercise in catharsis, providing Sensei with a way to unleash the painful emotions that have been metastasizing inside him for many years.

Among these painful emotions, perhaps the most painful is Sensei’s reaction to K’s suicide note. For a long time, Sensei has genuinely admired and envied K. He envies K’s personality, intellect, drive, and ability to be honest about his emotions. Sensei envies K, but he knows that he can never replicate his friend’s behavior. Instead, he describes what he believes to be his own dishonest behavior, which stands in stark contrast to K’s honorable actions. When Sensei reads the suicide note, he is torn because it offers only a hollow explanation. The letter does not go into detail, providing only vague allusions to disillusionment and depression. Reading the letter, Sensei knows that his friend committed one final enviable act that he will never be able to replicate: K refuses to mention his love for Ojosan or blame Sensei.

Even though the letter absolves Sensei from any actual repercussions, Sensei cannot help but read between the lines. He blames himself, and K’s Unspoken Words are even more damning in this respect. By mentioning nothing specific, Sensei knows the real motivation for his scholarly, sincere, emotionally honest friend’s suicide. Sensei feels the letter is a final blow, a demonstration that—in death—K continued to act in a way that Sensei never could; he gracefully gives Sensei the chance to continue with his future, providing him with a clear and useful excuse to ameliorate his guilt. This is a favor that Sensei can never repay, even if he wanted to. This letter is so painful to Sensei because it reminds him of what he did to such an interesting, innocent, and intelligent friend.

Sensei’s reaction is to repress everything. He drinks heavily and mourns, cutting himself off from society but never explaining to anyone why he feels so alienated and alone. Ojosan—or Shizu, as she is later known—has driven his obsession for so long, but now that he is married to her, he feels nothing. His marriage to Shizu is the hollowest of victories; he gets everything he wants, only to discover that he is incapable of feeling anything. For decades, this alienation and pain fester within Sensei. Only through his conversations and his letters with the narrator has he finally discovered a way to take back control of his fate and the narrative of his life. Sensei decides to attempt suicide, and he explains that he will likely be dead by the time the narrator reads the letter.

This admission alters the letter’s tone. Rather than a piece of autobiography shared between friends, the letter is an elaborate suicide note that places the narrator in a similar position to the one Sensei found himself in many years before. When he discovered his friend’s body, Sensei was given the choice of whether to tell people the truth about why K died by suicide. He chose not to do so. Armed with Sensei’s letter, the narrator is given the option of explaining Sensei’s pain and grief to the world. Though the narrator’s decision is not made explicit, the existence of the novel and the tone in the early chapters hint at his choice. He waits many years, respecting Sensei’s desire that Shizu should never learn the truth; then, he publishes the story to honor Sensei’s memory while obscuring enough of the names that his true identity is not revealed. In this sense, the narrator is able to honor the emotional reality of Sensei’s life and the value of their friendship while still respecting the man’s wishes.