How To Talk To Anyone

“Carrier Pigeon Kudos” suggests that when hearing a compliment about someone, one should pass it along to the person being complimented. This technique creates goodwill rather than cultivating an environment for gossip. Sharing relevant news is also an effective way to create connections.

“Implied Magnificence” advocates for implying positive qualities about someone instead of offering overt compliments. For example, asking a stranger if they know any “fine dining restaurants nearby” implies that the stranger is of good taste. However, these compliments can be a double-edged sword; they must be carefully crafted to avoid negative implications. For example, complimenting a woman for looking like a former model implies that she is no longer as beautiful as she used to be.

“Accidental Adulation” comprises subtly incorporating praise into casual conversation to endear oneself to a conversational partner. This method is powerful because it appears unintentional, thus increasing one’s credibility. One of the potential pitfalls is the receiver being so pleased that they miss the primary point of a conversation.

Giving a “Killer Compliment” makes a lasting impression. Unlike generic compliments, this type of compliment is specific, targeting a person’s unique traits; for example, “What exquisite eyes you have” is specific (212). The compliment should be private, credible, and delivered only once every six months to avoid appearing manipulative.

“Little Strokes” advocate for the use of brief compliments in daily interactions to show appreciation. These are unlike “Killer Compliments,” which are lengthier and specific. Phrases like “Nice job, John!” and “Well done, Kyoto!” are simple yet meaningful ways to acknowledge effort (214). The idea is rooted in the psychological need for recognition and validation (first mentioned in Part 1, Chapter 5).

Timing compliments is important, necessitating the “Knee-Jerk ‘Wow!’” This approach recommends offering immediate praise the moment someone accomplishes something. Immediate reinforcement is crucial because people are most receptive to positive feedback after they’ve completed something. However, sensitivity should sometimes take precedence over truth, as the “Knee-Jerk ‘Wow!’” is about recognizing the courage behind any endeavor.

Knowing how to receive a compliment plays a crucial role in relationships. A clumsy or dismissive response to a compliment can discourage the giver from offering further praise, leading to a negative cycle. For example, if someone is complimented on their attire and responds with “Oh, this old thing?” it discourages future praise and may even make the giver question their taste (220). To break this cycle, “Boomeranging” is suggested—which involves acknowledging the giver’s kindness. Instead of a simple “Thank you,” either “I appreciate your positive feedback” or “Oh, you remembered I went to Hawaii! It was great, thanks” would be a more engaging response (222). This approach not only accepts the compliment but redirects the giver’s positivity.

Concluding Part 6’s exploration of compliments, the “Tombstone Game,” is designed to enhance relationships through tailored compliments. This method involves engaging people in discussions about the traits they wish to be remembered for—the traits they would want engraved on their tombstones. This information is then retained for future use, enabling the delivery of tailored compliments later on. The technique’s effectiveness lies in connecting compliments to what individuals hold dear about themselves.