House Arrest

“There are a lot of things I know

that I shouldn’t know

about why things are the way they are.

About Dad driving away and never coming back.

About his job he never went back to.

About Mom working nights for extra money.

About food coming from the church on the corner.

About Levi’s medicine costing as much

as a pet space shuttle.

I know.”

Timothy recognizes that his father’s abandonment, Levi’s illness, and his family’s financial insecurity have forced him to grow up too soon. He knows things that a child should not have to know. The repetition of “know” and “about” hammers home his point, using the poetic form to illustrate this point at the language level.

“I made it one and a half days before they caught me.

One and a half days of feeling like I could breathe.

One and a half days of trying to figure out how to tell Mom.

Then the police came.

They took me away.

But even worse?

They took the medicine away, too.

Man. I was really stupid then.” 

Timothy understands that his attempt to help his family by stealing further exacerbated their problems. Yet he cannot forget the fleeting feeling of being relieved of his worries for his brother and mother. Timothy also makes clear in this passage that protecting Levi is more important to Timothy than anything else. He is more upset that the police took away the medicine than that they took him to juvenile detention. This foreshadows events later in the book when Timothy again breaks the law by stealing the Jimenez’s car to get Levi to the hospital. In that case, his decision saves his brother’s life, though it results in him being committed to juvenile detention indefinitely.

“A whole different dimension.

It’s just three houses down.

And the only real thing we share

between the two places

is this one lousy math book

that I can’t even concentrate on.” 

Timothy has gone to his friend José’s house to borrow his math book. Timothy reflects on how different his and José’s lives are, despite their homes’ exteriors being exactly the same. Though he expresses melancholy, Timothy is not resentful. Ultimately, his love for his brother overshadows the hardships his medical condition cause. 

“She never wants to ask for help.

But I could call José’s mom.

She could bring clothes.

Mom’s shoes.

And maybe snacks.

Don’t you think it’s OK

to cry uncle sometimes?

To ask for help?

Otherwise you’re just crying.

And how does that help anyone?

I’m going to call José’s mom.

I’m going to do it.

We need help.

I don’t care what Mom says.”

At the end of Winter, Levi catches Timothy’s cold and is checked into intensive care. Seeing his mother weeping and his brother fighting for his life, Timothy becomes overwhelmed and scared. Annie does not want to ask anyone for help but is also paralyzed and unable to help herself and Timothy. Recognizing that they cannot cope, Timothy reaches out to his friend’s mother against his own mother’s wishes. This begins a process that leads him to open up and make productive choices (finding a doctor who specializes in Levi’s condition and applying for the Carnival of Giving), though he continues to struggle with his frustration and anger at anyone who he perceives to be hurting his family.

“I am in José’s family’s giant van.

Heading to see Mrs. B.

It is just as crazy as the house.

Soccer bag, dance bag, music stand, books.

Yelling, talking, laughing, shoving.

Every corner of the van

has something or someone stuffed into it.

José’s mom is singing loud and proud

to some song with a thumping beat.

Everyone is acting like her voice is a weapon

killing them, ears first.

She is laughing and singing,

The van driving through a storm.

I just hold on tight,

fingers gripping my seat belt.

It’s like the world is swallowing me

one laugh at a time.

Isa cracks José on the head with a book.

Can I laugh while Levi is so sick?

Can I be happy with Mom so scared?

The rain streaks across the windows.” 

While Levi is in the hospital, José’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Jimenez, are approved to keep Timothy at their home. With five children of her own, Mrs. Jimenez adds Timothy’s schedule to her rotation and, in this passage, is driving the children to their various lessons and appointments. The raucous environment in the car is infectious for Timothy, and he feels guilty for being able to enjoy himself when his own family is in danger. It illustrates the emotional pressure he puts on himself to fulfill a paternal role in his family unit. 

“And then he’ll be home.

And I’ll be home.

No more IV tubes.

No more doctors and pokes.

No more hospital.

No more fancy home-cooked dinners.

No more José and Theresa and Sofia and Alé.

No more Isa.

How should I feel about that?

I don’t know how to feel about that.” 

Timothy reflects on what will change when Levi is well enough to come home from the hospital. At the Jimenez house, Timothy has enough to eat. He can sleep uninterrupted through the night. He is taken care of rather than being the caretaker, but he also does not have his family with him. He struggles with his conflicted feelings of wanting to be taken care of when his brother’s needs are so much direr. 

“Feeling nothing doesn’t earn me time on the computer.

You know how that makes me feel?

Sad

Mad

Tired

Grouchy

Frustrated

Those are not dwarves.

They are feelings, OK?

They are like nickels and quarters

jangling, jangling, jangling

buying me time on Mrs. B’s computer.” 

Several times in his journal entries, Timothy associates his feelings with dwarves, a reference to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. In the fairy tale, the dwarves are named for their identifying characteristics. Timothy borrows the concept to mask his feelings, but Mrs. Bainbridge wants him to acknowledge and confront them. She offers Timothy a bargain: If he writes about his feelings, she will allow him to use her computer to research Levi’s medical condition. In this passage, he effectively admits that he has been hiding behind the dwarves analogy and acknowledges how not being allowed to use the computer makes him feel. The words grow in size (three letters in “sad” to ten letters in “frustrated”), providing a visual image of opening up, which is what he is doing by admitting these are feelings, not dwarves.

“This is all my fault.

Something that seemed so good.

Has turned out terrible

Yet again.

[...]

Does she hate me?

Does she know this is my fault?

Marisol signs brother.

She sniffs. She smiles.

Keep teaching him, OK?

I sign OK

because now it’s my throat that’s too tight to talk.”

Throughout their time together, Mrs. Bainbridge asks Timothy if he needs anything that she can help him with. In Spring, Timothy breaks down and asks if she can arrange for his family to receive a full-time nurse. Because Marisol cannot work full time, she is replaced, and Timothy is devastated. Marisol has been gentle and kind and had been teaching Levi and Timothy sign language. Timothy feels that by asking for help, he made his family’s situation worse. This causes a conflict in him because the outcome of asking for help reinforces his mother’s preference for not seeking help. At the same time, Timothy often feels overwhelmed, trapped, and lost and needs help.

“Feeling words can be strong.

They can have muscles

and meat on their bones.

They can express your spinning guts,

they can shout your insides to the outside

(but different than throwing up

which you can call shouting groceries

if you want

because I read it somewhere

so that’s a thing I am not making up).

But feeling words should also be meaningful.

That’s what Mrs. B says.

Hate is not meaningful.

Hate is not productive.

Hate shouts groceries all over more complex emotions.” 

Timothy writes in his journal that he hates Mary, Levi’s new nurse, who he perceives as being disgusted by Levi. James and Mrs. Bainbridge object to his use of the word “hate,” as it fuels Timothy’s anger and prompts him to be destructive. Mrs. Bainbridge has been working with Timothy so he can not only express his feelings, but also understand and channel them so that he can make better choices when his emotions overwhelm him, as they do throughout the book.

“I can’t tell Mom about Cincinnati.

Not until everything is perfect.

This won’t be one of those things,

the things that Timothy screws up.

This won’t be one of those things,

the things that Timothy thinks are helpful

until they aren’t.

This will be the thing.

The thing that makes up for everything.” 

Timothy’s online research leads him to find Dr. Sawyer, who specializes in Levi’s condition. Timothy knows his family does not have enough money to travel to Cincinnati, where Dr. Sawyer is located, or to pay him for his services. He also knows that his attempts to help his family have led to additional burdens and worries (his being placed on house arrest and losing Marisol). Yet Timothy does not give up hope and is determined that this will be the solution that makes up for the previous problems he created. This demonstrates both his devotion and the impossible position he is in, attempting to solve adult problems despite being a child.

“I’m sorry I threw your plant.

I’m sorry it crashed against the wall

making that loud KAPOW sound

that, for just a millisecond,

settled my bones,

a big deep satisfying settling

that said

yes

that is exactly the noise I need to hear

right at this moment,

that KAPOW really hits the spot

so to speak.

I’m sorry if it scared you

or bothered you

or made you think less of me

as a human being.

I will do better.” 

When an agent from Child Protective Services (CPS) shows up at Timothy’s house, he assumes Mrs. Bainbridge notified them. At his next meeting with her, he yells at her and throws her plant across the room. This passage is the apology he writes to her after realizing that she is not the one who called CPS. Though he is sorry and does not want to lose Mrs. Bainbridge’s respect, he also acknowledges the pleasure he felt in destroying the plant when he thought she was the one who called CPS. It is this kind of destruction—attempting to make the outside world mirror the wreckage he feels inside—that Mrs. Bainbridge has been trying to help Timothy manage.

“Mary, Mary, quite contrary

how does your garden grow?

With squinty eyes

and big loud sighs

and nursing notes all in a row.” 

Timothy adapts the traditional English nursery rhyme to express his feelings about Mary. Various interpretations exist to explain who the “Mary” in the original nursery rhyme is, but most of the versions are intended to be sly references to problematic aspects of the Mary in question. Similarly, Timothy channels his resentment toward Mary into a tidy and traditional rhyming poem. Reverting to a traditional poetic form here suggests formal restraint that reflects what Timothy is trying to do with his feelings: express them without losing control of them.

“The kitchen table is like a weird, flat tree

only instead of growing leaves

it grows paper.

Mom will move a stack

but it’s replaced by another stack.” 

This passage takes place during Summer, when nature is most alive. Timothy sees his family’s problems expand during this time, as they lose Marisol, CPS investigates them, and Annie considers moving Levi to a facility. Like a tree, his family’s problems are a living, growing thing with a life cycle of their own.

“You think this is what I want?

Her teeth were together so tight

the words were like quiet growls.

You think ANY of this is part of a plan?

Every day is a lava-riddled path, Timothy.

Every day I have to choose a step

and decide what hurts less—

which, of a million terrible choices,

is the least terrible.” 

During Summer, Annie feels pressure to commit Levi to a facility. The pressure is both internal and external, brought on by the recommendations of Mary and CPS as well as by her own anxiety that Levi is not receiving the best care possible for his condition. Timothy repeatedly entreats her not to send Levi away, and her despair explodes out of her. Like Timothy and Levi, Annie lives day by day, attempting to make the best decisions she can despite having no desirable options. 

“She blinked a lot.

You know, you are very brave, Timothy.

She said the last part

as I walked to the door

and I didn’t have the heart to tell her

she’s mistaking bravery

for flat-out

desperation.” 

Timothy visits his middle school’s guidance counselor to ask if his family can be included in the Carnival of Giving. Timothy’s response underscores how dire his family’s circumstances are and how little control he feels. Desperation fuels his choices, but his response also demonstrates how harshly Timothy judges himself. He is not able to solve problems that adults also have not solved, yet he does not fully see his own admirable qualities. 

“If I stare at the wall,

this particular wall

with the spot

that’s whiter than the rest,

and covered with goopy white stuff

and smoothed out with the edge of a ruler.

This spot,

if I stare at it,

reminds me of me

a little bit.

Not quite all put together

but sort of.” 

During Fall, Annie is forced to sell the family home as she can no longer afford the payments. As they prepare for the move, Annie repairs holes in the wall. In this passage, Timothy is looking at one of the holes that she fixed. That the spot that has been repaired is visible, but just barely. For Timothy, this almost-but-not-quite-perfect repair serves as a symbol of how he feels about himself. Three–quarters of the way through his year of house arrest, he has learned many lessons, but he knows that he still has more to learn.

“Things were going so well.

That’s when you know to watch out.

That’s when you know Timothy

is going to do something

stupid

stupid

stupid.

But in my defense

you can’t just call people retards.

That’s offensive to everyone

with a brain

and a heart.

And if you’re going to be the kind of person

who is offensive to everyone

with a brain

and a heart,

maybe your mouth deserves

a Carnival of Giving

from my fist.”

After Timothy’s family is approved to be the recipients of the Carnival of Giving, one of his classmates asks Timothy if his brother is a “retard” (220). Timothy is so furious that he punches his classmate. His journal entry reflects how hard he is on himself by repeatedly calling himself stupid and being totalizing in his self-assessment (e.g., “That’s when you know Timothy/is going to do something/stupid” (220)). At the same time, his driving force is clearly his devotion to his brother, and he feels justified in standing up for him, even if his method was not ultimately productive. 

“He says that if Levi is as tenacious as I am,

if Levi is as spirited as I am,

if Levi has half of my determination,

half of my guts,

he has a fine chance of passing all the medical tests,

of becoming a candidate for surgery,

of getting his trachea fixed.

He says, I look forward to meeting Levi.

I look forward to meeting you, sun.

And I can’t believe he spelled son wrong

but I kind of love that he did.

I really kind of love it.” 

After sending numerous emails, Timothy finally hears back from Dr. Sawyer. The doctor has agreed to investigate whether Levi is a candidate for the surgery he performs and has recommended Timothy’s family for possible funding from a charitable organization. Dr. Sawyer also praises Timothy, calling him “sun,” which fills Timothy with a sense of possibility and hope. The use of “sun” in this passage also foreshadows the final passage in the book, in which Timothy recalls several yellow things in his life that hold positive associations. 

“Mom is holding the check.

The PTA lady is at the door.

Look at this! Look at what you’ve done, Timothy!

Mom says it with a huge smile

with tears in her eyes

and she means it in a good way this time.

Look at what I’ve done.

Look at what I’ve done!!!” 

The Carnival of Giving raises $15,248.72 for Timothy’s family. Annie receives the check from the PTA representative and praises Timothy for making it happen. Left to her own devices, Annie would not have sought help, but Timothy’s efforts have provided financial relief for his struggling single mother. After his many failures, Timothy enjoys a moment of having done something to make his mother cry from joy rather than desperation and despair.

“I think about that crumpled flyer

a rolled-up ball on my desk for so many months.

How I thought the Carnival of Giving

was so, so stupid and then crazy and then impossible

and now I want to frame that crumpled thing

and put it on the wall

and dedicate it to the dwarves in my head

the ones that wouldn’t give up

the ones named

Scared and Determined

Angry and Stubborn.

Thank you, dwarves,

for not screwing this up.” 

Timothy reflects on the flyer for the Carnival of Giving that Mrs. Bainbridge first showed him months earlier. He had feared his mother’s objection to the idea but moved forward anyway, and the result leads to a positive outcome: the Carnival of Giving raising more than $15,000 for his family. The emotions he names his “dwarves” represent both qualities he has been working to manage (“Scared” and “Angry”) as well as qualities that have served his family well (“Determined” and “Stubborn”) (242). These are the qualities Timothy drew on to protect his family, and he recognizes the positive outcome that he has achieved. 

“Five counts of leaving the scene of an accident.

Five counts of vehicular negligence.

One count of driving without a license.

One count of driving underage.

One count of grand theft auto.

One probation: violated.

I’m reading the charges

while I wait for the judge.

These khaki scrubs scratching me,

These white slippers not fitting right.

They left one thing off this sheet:

one count of saving Levi’s life.

Which counts for everything

don’t you think?” 

When Levi suffers a life-threatening blockage, Timothy calls an ambulance, but it does not arrive. He panics and steals Mr. Jimenez’s car to transport Levi to the hospital. On the way, he hits five cars and commits several violations, including violating his probation. Yet Timothy cannot regret breaking the law, since it saved Levi’s life. Earlier in the book, he said he would risk returning to juvenile detention if it meant saving his brother, and at the end of the book, that very thing happens.

“I looked at the paper.

Everything I’d worked for

typed out neatly

in rows

on a white sheet

just like any old regular paper.

So simple

So not simple

Regular words.

But not regular words.

I looked up at Mom.

You’ll have to tell him hi for me, OK?

Dr. Sawyer, I mean.

You’ll have to tell him thank you.” 

Annie brings Levi to visit Timothy in juvenile detention and to show him the paperwork for her and Levi’s upcoming trip to Cincinnati. Everything Timothy has worked toward and scarified for has come to pass. Though he will remain in juvenile detention indefinitely, Timothy is at peace with the outcome, since it means that his brother may receive the medical care he needs.

“One year ago.

Like one of those machines

where the ball falls in a bucket

and knocks over a bottle

that lights a match

that pops a balloon

that scares a chicken

who lays an egg

that cracks in a pan

and makes your breakfast for you.

One year ago it all started.

One year ago I made this crazy meal.

that I am still eating.” 

Timothy takes responsibility for his good and bad choices. He has broken the law, punched a classmate, punched a wall, broken a plant, stolen a car, but he has also saved his brother’s life and created the possibility that his brother can have a better quality of life. The machine involves a chain reaction—objects acting on one another and leading to an outcome far removed from the inciting object. This suggests that Timothy is both agent and receiver: He has had to make impossible choices, and he accepts where that has led him. Like the repaired hole and Isa’s freckle, his outcome is not perfect, but it has aspects of beauty regardless.