50 pages • 1 hour read
Christie TateGroup: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life
Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2020A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
The Importance and Difficulty of Forming Connections
Because most of Christie’s therapy is focused on improving her dating life, a significant portion of the text explores the importance and difficulty of forming connections. Early on, Tate shares an experience of being ostracized from a friend group at 11: “By then, I knew something was off in the connection between me and other people. I sensed in my gut that I didn’t know how to stay connected, how not to be cast aside” (11). She internalizes that difficulty forming connections is specific to her. She knows others can form and maintain relationships, but she struggles to do so herself, and this leads to self-blame.
The importance of connection is reflected in the choices Christie makes as she forms relationships and seeks out therapy. One of the reasons Christie decides to try therapy in the first place is remembering the experience of an ex-boyfriend, Blake, who saw Dr. Rosen in a group-therapy setting. In general, Christie doesn’t like or want Blake, but she does want the “tight bonds” (15) he formed with his group members for herself. She has the challenging task of bonding with people in groups that have already been together for some time, even years in the case of her third group. This poses the additional challenge of her being the only outsider in a group in which others have already bonded and formed their own relationships. Though this mirrors the experience of feeling ostracized Christie had as a child, the difference is that group is a controlled setting that helps people work through these feelings even when conflicts arise. Instead of reverting to old patterns of self-loathing and isolation, Christie finds encouragement in the group-therapy setting.
As Christie works to form closer connections throughout the text, it is clear that they only come from her ability to be vulnerable and share important aspects of her life. This is illustrated on her second date with Alex, when she tells him that she wouldn’t consider moving away from Chicago because of Dr. Rosen’s group therapy. He shares his own stories, and Tate realizes that connection requires taking emotional risks. This is the growth that Christie has experienced through therapy. It took courage for her and Alex to share these vulnerable aspects of their lives, but the benefit of doing so is the deeper connection they now enjoy. What works to draw her closer to her group members also helps her form connections with romantic partners, friends, and coworkers. It is difficult for her to form these connections, but it is vitally important to the growth and happiness that Christie is seeking.
Agency and Fulfillment in Sex
Before meeting Dr. Rosen, Christie had a complicated relationship with sex. It was a complex mix of what she wanted, what others wanted, and value judgments about her choices. For example, upon realizing that Dr. Rosen once treated her ex, she pictures saying, “Remember the girl who had anal sex last fall with Blake to cure his depression? Well, that was me!” (14). The explicit nature and sarcastic tone of this quote includes a telling judgment of herself. It’s not just sex; it’s anal sex. Due to sexual taboos, this position may be considered more shocking or shameful than others. Furthermore, Christie says she did it “to cure his depression” (14), instead of to seek pleasure or as an expression of romantic interest. This demonstrates that Christie is willing to do things she might not be comfortable with to meet her partner’s needs. Since sex is more about her partner’s needs and desires than about her own, it is difficult for her to act as an agent or be fulfilled by sex in a relationship.
In contrast, Christie’s experiences with masturbation are filled with agency and satisfaction. She began masturbating in the fourth grade thanks to instruction from Dr. Ruth, a popular 1990s sexologist with a radio program. The language Tate uses to describe this sexual experience is much more positive:
I slid my hand between my legs and touched the delicate pearl that sometimes hurt when I rode my bike for too long. Slowly, I circled it with my finger until I felt something happening—a warm wave building, making my legs go stiff. […] I rubbed myself harder. The extra pressure didn't hurt. My body climbed toward its first glorious sexual release. Then my whole body shuddered with pleasure just as Dr. Ruth promised. For the first time in my life, I thought: My body is exquisite and powerful (34).
Here, her clitoris is “a delicate pearl,” something precious to be cared for. Words like “glorious” and “exquisite” convey the deep satisfaction of her experience with no shame attached. This defines an orgasm for her, and the positive, empowered language is in stark contrast to her descriptions of anal sex with Blake and other sexual encounters and scripts with men throughout the book. In many ways, her experience with therapy is a process of finding a situation where she can enjoy sex with a partner as much as she enjoys sex with herself.
Silence and Secret-Keeping Leading to Shame and Self-Loathing
Throughout the text, there is a conflict between the open sharing inherent in Dr. Rosen’s groups and the secret-keeping Christie has learned in other contexts. These other contexts revolve around her family and her past romantic relationships, but the greatest source of secret-keeping is the tragedy she experiences in Hawaii involving her friend’s father’s death.
Upon returning from Hawaii, Christie exhibits classic signs of grief and trauma, but her parents implore her to act normal: “Just try it. For us” (78), they say, implying that her emotional response to witnessing a traumatic death is problematic. This is a clear instance of Christie being asked to suppress her responses and emotions. Her parents saying “for us” puts extra pressure on Christie because it implies that their emotional well-being depends on her display of normalcy. If she fails, she would be causing them pain and embarrassment.
They also tell her not to talk or think about the accident so as not to get upset. This implies that if Christie does think about the accident and get upset, it is her fault. She follows their demands, and this shows that Christie absolutely internalizes her parents’ advice as the importance of prioritizing their comfort over her own emotional needs. As a result, she doesn’t get upset about anything. If she experiences that feeling, her duty is to bury it, no matter the cost to herself.
As Christie begins group therapy, Dr. Rosen helps her let go of the shame, self-loathing, and emotional suppression she learned from her parents. Even the confidentiality of her 12-step meetings has reinforced her secretiveness. On speaking about her eating disorder, Tate reflects: “Having my ritual revealed at last, in detail, was like having a layer of skin removed” (39). Revealing this secret was so difficult because it has been a key aspect of Christie’s everyday life since childhood. Confronting this secret and being forced to share it pushes Christie into embracing the sharing necessary to make progress in group and to let go of the shame of her eating habits and other traumas.
Finally, Brandon’s request that Christie not discuss him in group therapy illustrates another example of how secret-keeping leads to self-loathing. She needs to process the fact that he made Thanksgiving plans without her after she canceled plans with her own family, but keeping his secret means she has no outlet for expression. When asked about Brandon, Christie just yells “No!” (236). Dr. Rosen asks her to expand, and she thinks, “No to flipping and having no voice and sitting through group, isolated, lonely, and stuffed with secrets” (236). This shows the emotional toll of being unable to process her feelings. It’s antithetical to everything group has given her: openness, connection, release, and progress. Because she hasn’t been able to process her feelings in a healthy way, she takes a drastic step: public self-harm in the form of pulling out fistfuls of her hair.
This extreme reaction demonstrates how her silence has affected her. She is physically punishing herself as a release. It is key that she is not mad at Brandon. She is upset that she doesn’t have a family with whom she can spend Thanksgiving. Had she been able to process these feelings in group as usual, she would not have reached this level of self-harm (which also includes smashing a flowerpot over her head). Throughout the text, as she shares with group, she is able to process her traumas and embrace healthier patterns.
