Goodbye Days

“Where are you guys? Text me back.” 

This is the text that Carver sent Mars and that Mars was presumably responding to when the accident occurred. This text haunts Carver, and he even sees himself as having written his friends out of existence by sending it. Carver’s messages are set off from the rest of the text in bold, a choice by the author that adds emphasis to these few words and parallels the massive impact they had.

“You don’t let people see how someone looks after something like the Accident.” 

This is one of the many instances in which Carver refers to the accident with capital letters: the “Accident.” This choice shows how he views the event as pivotal, a turning point in his life. It’s a personal historical event, and he therefore capitalizes like one would a historical event (like World War II). This quote also hints at just how gruesome the accident was. The reader is spared details but knows that the car slammed into a semi-trailer and the top of the vehicle was sliced off. Subtly highlighting how gruesome and violent the accident was makes it more horrifying.

“[Texting] is just something we do. It’s not supposed to kill your three best friends.” 

Carver thinks this at Blake’s funeral. He is clearly still in a state of shock. The words also seem to be a sort of cautionary message to the reader, however. Goodbye Days is a young adult novel, targeting teenagers. While the narrative doesn’t come across as pedantic, it may be seen as a cautionary tale of the dangers of texting and driving. Carver’s comment that this is “just something we do” makes it clear how shocking and unexpected the results of this small act are.

“I wonder if somewhere in the universe, there’s still a ripple that’s Blake and I sitting in this living room, laughing ourselves silly. Maybe it’ll break on some bank somewhere in the vast sky beyond our sight. Maybe it’ll disappear. Or maybe it’ll keep traveling on for eternity.” 

One of the major themes of the book is the ripple effect—the idea that one small action can have far-reaching consequences. This quote subtly points to the theme. As Carver ponders the nature of the ripple effect, he imagines these ripples extending into an alternate reality in which his friends are still alive.

“Maybe my muse was in the car with Sauce Crew.” 

Carver says this as he reflects on his inability to concentrate on his writing. Carver’s inability to tell stories after the accident doesn’t just show how grief- and guilt-stricken he is. It also serves to demonstrate his character’s evolution. After the accident, Carver can’t write. Even when Dr. Mendez asks him to tell stories, he struggles. It’s only at the end, when Carver has told the true story of Sauce Crew’s accident, that his “writer’s block” is lifted. The issue was not that his muse was in the car with Sauce Crew but that he was unable to start a new story until he had closure on his story with Sauce Crew.

“I sure hope I don’t go to jail even though part of me is convinced I deserve to. I’m sorry I killed my friends. I’m sorry.” 

This is one of the many points in the book when Carver apologizes, repeatedly, for the deaths of his friends as if he caused them. These apologies reiterate how guilt-ridden he is. This quote also marks a turning point in the plot, when it turns out that Carver might actually be labeled “guilty” in a court of law. 

“What if we have one last day with Blake? You and I […] we get together and have the last day that Blake and I never got to have; the one that you and Blake never got to have. We put our pieces of Blake together and let him live another day with us.” 

Although the name isn’t coined here, this is the moment when Nana Betsy introduces the idea of the goodbye day to Carver. It’s a pivotal moment in the plot because the goodbye days will essentially frame the entire narrative and Carver’s emotional evolution.

“Light blinks out here, one replaces it there. Always dying. Always living. We survive until we don’t. All of this ending and beginning is the only thing that’s infinite.” 

These words show how Carver has come to terms with the inevitably of mortality. Most 17-year-olds growing up in environments like his aren’t confronted with as much death as Carver has seen. These words show the maturity that he has gained from the tragedy, which has forced him to confront human frailty.

“I’ll do the goodbye day. I’m strong enough to handle it.” 

This is the moment when Carver coins the term “goodbye day,” from which the book gets its title. Nana Betsy originally comes up with the concept in Chapter 9. The moniker the fact that Eli, Mars, and Blake died in an unexpected accident. Nobody, from Carver to their parents, got to say goodbye. The goodbye days thus offer an opportunity for closure that all the characters can use. The fact that the final chapter also has Carver saying goodbye to his friends after telling them he loves them further attests to the importance of such closure. Every relationship needs a goodbye day.

“Because I’m of Asian descent and therefore it’s funny that I enjoy Southern food? I’m from Jackson, Tennessee, dude. Racist.” 

Jesmyn says this to Carver. It’s one of multiple moments in which she calls out an instance of him being casually racist (a subtle form of racism that often goes unnoticed). Jesmyn’s character serves to introduce the topic of race and touch on it periodically. It’s only when Carver has his goodbye day for Mars with Judge Edwards that the book more concretely explicates the issue of racism. This quote also epitomizes Jesmyn’s character’s development from being just “Eli’s ex” to becoming a well-rounded character in her own right.

“I hope you go to jail. I really do. I hope you die there.”

Adair says this to Carver, whom she blames for her twin brother’s death. These words evidence just how angry the young woman is. Her rage is illogical, however. When Eli asks her why she doesn’t blame Mars, who was driving the car, she tells him that Mars is dead, insinuating that she can’t blame a dead man but she can blame Carver. Her rage is similar to Mitzi’s hysteria (see quote number 15) and shows how ludicrous the search for causality can be.

“I guess these miniature deaths are just part of my new landscape.” 

Carver says this after experiencing a small panic attack. The statement shows how hopeless he feels and conveys a sense of despair. While he resigns himself to a lifetime of panic attacks, this won’t be his fate. By the book’s end, Carver seems to have conquered this issue. This quote attests to the common argument that “it gets better,” something people are often told when they are experiencing mental health issues like depression. Carver’s character’s evolution is a testament to this idea.

 “I love you more than I love God himself. So if he's got a problem with anything, he can talk to me.” 

This is Nana Betsy’s response to “Blake” (Carver playing the role of Blake) telling her he’s gay. It’s a heart-wrenching moment and exemplifies one of the narrative’s calls for more openness and authenticity in personal relationships. Blake was afraid to tell his religious grandmother about his sexual orientation. Instead, he told his friend Carver. Had Blake known that this was how his grandmother would react, he probably would have told her.

“Put her back on. It’s her fault for taking him.” 

These words are spoken by Blake’s birth mother, Mitzi, after Carver tells her over the phone that Blake is dead. Her words exhibit yet another example of a character seeking causality, wanting to assign blame for a tragic event rather than accept that the universe is often random and bad things happen for no discernible reasons. Mitzi’s hysterical claim makes this argument clearer. The reader knows that Mitzi was a neglectful mother and a drug addict with abusive partners. If Nana Betsy had left Blake with her, he may well have died even earlier.

“Our minds seek causality because it suggests an order to the universe that may not actually exist […]. Many people would prefer to accept an undue share of blame for a tragic event than concede that there’s no order to things. Chaos is frightening. A capricious existence where bad things happen to good people for no discernible reason is frightening.” 

Dr. Mendez is a voice of reason for Carver but also within the narrative as a whole. While other characters are reeling from grief and looking for reasons for the accident, Dr. Mendez reminds Carver—and the reader—that this search is pointless. He also offers an explanation for why people are so eager to find a cause for every event. 

“In 2001, Hiro Takasagawa was a safety engineer at Nissan.” 

This is the first line of the story that Carver tells Dr. Mendez depicting an alternate reality in which another cause can be pinpointed for the accident. The fact that this story that ends in a diverted suicide attempt highlights Carver’s continued sense of hope. While he remains guilt ridden about his friends’ deaths, this anecdote suggests that he might one day soar like Hiro, away from the bad feelings and thoughts, to a brighter future.

“I can’t help but contemplate the singular moments—the proverbial butterfly flapping its wings—leading to unforeseen consequences.” 

Eli’s father, Pierce Bauer, says this during Eli’s goodbye day. He’s one of the many characters seeking a cause for the accident. These words reiterate how universal this search for causality is. Many of the book’s characters are shown looking for a reason for the accident (many of them blame Carver), but ironically the book argues against this line of thought, suggesting that it’s futile and damaging.

“Eli wasn’t that great.” 

Carver says this to Jesmyn when lashing out after the Dearly concert. His words again speak to complex emotions that grief brings with it, a central theme in the book. Carver misses his friend but loves his friend’s ex-girlfriend, the one person whom he’s found solace in while mourning. He also feels guilty about this love—but then, when it’s not reciprocated, he feels angry at his dead friend, a feeling that in turn adds to more guilt. This quote encapsulates the complex connection between guilt and grief, which is epitomized by Carver’s love for Jesmyn.

“I feel ungrateful to the gods of fate that I’m not happier about the blade of prosecution not dangling over my neck anymore.” 

Carver thinks this after the district attorney announces that no charges will be brought in the accident. It highlights the complexity of guilt. Just because the legal system isn’t finding him guilty doesn’t mean that the guilt about the accident is gone. Added to that, Carver now has the guilt of not feeling happier about the district attorney’s announcement.

“MURDERER.” 

This is what’s written on the card that is slipped into Carver’s locker the day after the district attorney announces no charges will be brought. It’s from Adair. Adair is the one character who fails to change or evolve in any way. Even Judge Edwards comes to listen to Carver about Mars. Adair clings to her rage, however, as epitomized by the all-caps “MURDERER” card. Compared to Carver, Adair remains stagnant. It’s a stark comparison. While Carver seeks mental help and is able to overcome his guilt and pain, or at least live with it in a more manageable way, Adair seems unable to overcome her anger and pain, letting these feelings guide her everyday life.

“Be honest. Be humble. Listen more than you talk.” 

This is the advice Dr. Mendez gives to Carver when it comes to healing his rift with Jesmyn and tackling the goodbye day with Mars. Dr. Mendez’s advice is noteworthy because it encapsulates a simple formula of how to connect with people emotionally. It’s a formula that many of the book’s characters could have used. Each of the dead boys had secrets their family didn’t know about because they were afraid of a lack of acceptance (for example, Blake being gay or Eli maybe believing in God). If the parents had followed Dr. Mendez’s advice, they might have gotten to know these parts of their boys’ lives.

“I didn’t want my son put on trial for his own death. And that’s what would have happened.”

Judge Edwards says this to Carver when explaining why he asked the district attorney not to pursue charges. It’s a pivotal moment in the book that addresses race head-on. Carver learns something new about Mars and his daily life that he never seemed to think of previously—the way that Mars being Black impacted his interactions with the world. It takes the goodbye day with Judge Edwards for Carver to recognize this.

“It was only by engaging with other stories—stories that removed me from the equations—that I was able to close this wound so I could heal. The universe—fate—is cruel and random. Things happen for many reasons. Things happen for no reason. To shoulder the burden of the universe’s caprice is too much for anyone.” 

Throughout the book, many characters have sought to find a cause for death. Mitzi blames Blake’s death on Nana Betsy. Adair blames Eli’s death on Carver. Mr. Bauer seems to blame himself in some way for allowing Eli to attend Nashville Arts Academy. Carver blames himself. Dr. Mendez, a professional who is removed from the situation emotionally but who is familiar with loss, is the voice of reason here. He encapsulates the book’s argument against seeking causality.