Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape

Compulsory carelessness was coined by Lisa Wade, a sociology professor at Occidental College. It refers to hookup culture’s dependency on drinking alcohol. “Alcohol, according to Wade, is how students signal to one another that the sex they’re having is meaningless” (117). Between 75 and 89% of college students get drunk before hooking up, averaging four or more drinks each time. Drunk hookups are more likely to include some form of penetration and are also most likely to lead to regret.

Young women tend to think of sober sex as more serious. They avoid sober, hookup sex because they don’t want their sexual partners to think they want relationships. In other words, being fully emotionally, physically, and mentally present during sexual encounters can be too uncomfortable.

Genderqueer is a term encompassing all nonbinary genders. It includes those living between genders, beyond genders, or as a combination of genders. Orenstein discusses the conversation among teens today regarding gender identity. For many, the possibility of being genderqueer is liberating. For others, it is confusing.

Orenstein finds that many aren’t comfortable with the stereotypical qualities assigned to binary genders. Orenstein writes, “When we’ve defined femininity for their generation so narrowly, in such a sexualized, commercialized, heteroeroticized way, where is the space, the vision, the celebration of other ways to be a girl?” (165). She suggests that this generation’s emphasis on gender identity calls for redesigning genders themselves rather than creating new ones.

Hookup culture is defined by noncommittal, no strings attached, emotionless sex. Sex is a replacement for intimacy. Hookup culture is common in colleges, where 72% of college seniors report hooking up at least once, with an average of seven hookup partners. Hookup culture both benefits and disadvantages girls. Young women feel encouraged to focus on other aspects of their lives, such as academics and personal growth. This differs from the past when many women aimed to find their husbands in college.

Orenstein speaks to many young women who felt empowered by hookups. However, she finds that while girls still care about their partners’ satisfaction and pleasure during hookups, boys are much less concerned about their partners’ pleasure. Girls rarely climax during hookups. Additionally, young people are less likely to learn about who they are through serious relationships, and they’re less likely to try out intimacy and love with a partner. Many girls participating in hookup culture are concerned with not “getting played,” which suggests they perceive relationships as a loss of self.

Sarah McClelland, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan, researches what she calls intimate justice, the idea that all genders have the right to equality regarding their most personal relationships. This includes issues of violence, bodily integrity, physical and mental health, self-efficacy, and power dynamics. Orenstein acknowledges that McClelland’s idea of intimate justice inspired her research questions in Girls & Sex. These questions include: “Who has the right to engage in sexual behavior? Who has the right to enjoy it? Who is the primary beneficiary of the experience? Who feels deserving? How does each partner define ‘good enough’?” (6).

Where earlier generations saw women’s objectification as something to protest, girls today see it as a personal choice and an opportunity for self-expression. Orenstein calls this sort of expression self-objectification. Girls continue to experience pressure to define themselves in terms of their appearances. Their senses of worth are reliant on whether they’re desirable, and they present themselves, in terms of what they wear and how they act, based on those terms. Self-objectification is associated with many negative consequences, including depression, body monitoring, negative body image, risky sexual behavior, and reduced sexual pleasure.

Young women feel empowered when they feel hot. Orenstein writes, “[I]t’s presented to them over and over as a precondition for success in any realm. But the truth is that ‘hot’ refracts sexuality through a dehumanized prism regardless of who is ‘in control.’” (43). While it provides the illusion of empowerment, self-objectification doesn’t change the culture’s harmful focus on women’s bodies over all else.