Girl, Interrupted

Kaysen and her friends from the ward, Georgina, Lisa, and Lisa Cody lamented how difficult it was to maintain a romantic relationship as patients at McLean. Kaysen remembers her embarrassment at having a nurse interrupt her with her boyfriend, which caused him to stop visiting her at the hospital. While some patients were allowed to visit the hospital cafeteria, where they could mingle with male patients, Kaysen felt ambivalent about pursuing a “crazy” boyfriend (67). The women agreed that it was impossible to have enough privacy and independence to have sex or foster a relationship while at the hospital.

Kaysen examines the discrepancies between McLean Hospitals' different records. While her doctor’s note claims he interviewed her for three hours before sending her to the hospital, she felt that it was merely 20 minutes. She reveals that one piece of admissions paperwork from the hospital, the Nurse’s Report of Patient on Admission, says she entered the hospital at 1:30 p.m., which would corroborate her doctor’s claim. Another piece of evidence, however, is the Admission Note from McLean’s own doctor which states that she first entered the hospital at 11:30 a.m. She admits that understanding whose claim was correct is very important to her, and she concludes by triumphantly stating, “Now you believe me” (70).

Kaysen reflects on the way mental illness can manifest itself, and how it feels to involuntarily have intrusive and anxious thoughts. She argues that while people will receive a variety of diagnoses such as mania, depression, or anxiety, mental illness, people experience it in either “fast” or “slow” forms (72). She describes the “slow form” as having a kind of “viscosity” and creating mental fog and “sluggish” responses in the person’s mind (72). Kaysen compares this type of mental illness to a kind of “cellular coma” that affects every part of a person’s bodily functions (72).

She contrasts this experience to that of a kind of “velocity” and the “plethora of perceptions” that accompany it (42). To demonstrate the anxious rumination that this mindset produces, Kaysen produces pages of hypothetical thoughts that overanalyze meanings and bodily reactions which only produce more questions and more anxiety. These intrusive thoughts culminate in the “I’m-no-good” thought and other demeaning thoughts about oneself. She feels that once one of these thoughts has begun, it prompts the thinker to experience the whole thought process again and again. She expresses that she has endured both types of mental illness, and wonders whether her experiences were prompted by internal or external factors. She concludes by noting that the questions of nature and nurture are part of the “great mystery of mental illness” (75).

Lisa demanded that she go outside for some fresh air, which the nurses did not allow because she was restricted to the ward. Lisa claimed she would sue the hospital for confining her inside, threats which Kaysen explains were a frequent occurrence. After much complaining, the head nurse agreed to take the screen off Lisa’s window and open it, which took some time. Once the window was open, Lisa ignored it and did not go to her room, saying that she only harangued the nursing staff to “pass the time” (78).