52 pages • 1 hour read
Dolly AldertonGhosts
Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2020A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Gender Roles in Relationships
Ghosts addresses the pressure people face to conform to societal norms in their relationships, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt if one does not fit neatly into prescribed gender roles. Through Nina, the novel explores the unique struggles of women, who must reconcile their desires with external expectations. Though she is self-assured in her career and personal life, seeing all her friends partnering off and starting families challenges Nina’s commitment to being single. Moreover, their constant commentary on her relationship status feels like an assault on her character and a chance for them to assert that they are doing it right. She explains, “I’d noticed this was a thing that people did when they got into their thirties: they saw every personal decision you made as a direct judgment on their life” (9). Nina resents that women who want to have children are in a race against time, while men can enjoy more excitement and freedom in dating life without the worry of waning fertility. Compounding the shorter window of fertility is the gendered double standard of age gaps in relationships, something Nina is reminded of when Max dates a woman 14 years younger than him while they are apart.
Ghosts also explores the way traditional gender roles dictate how people are expected to behave in romantic relationships. These roles often include assumptions about who should take the lead and make decisions, and who is allowed to display emotional vulnerability. While Nina initially sees online dating as a liberation from outdated gender norms, she comes to see apps like Linx as merely perpetuating traditional gender roles by disempowering women and empowering men.
When Nina finds herself shouldering the weight of Max and Joe’s awkward meeting, she resents the societal assumption that women should be responsible for emotional labor in heterosexual relationships. Similarly, when Max ghosts her and Nina reaches out repeatedly, concerned for his well-being, Max’s responses gaslight her into thinking she is emotionally out of control. This feeds into the gendered stereotype of the overly emotional or “crazed” girlfriend, when in truth, Nina’s feelings are legitimate. Max also toys with Nina’s emotions when he hints about marrying her and starting a family. Nina explains, “His joking words awoke an insatiable craving—deeply embedded desires that were placed inside me without my approval” (277). The novel prompts reflection on the imbalance of emotional labor in heteronormative relationships and its impact on women’s mental health. As Nina says, “Being a heterosexual woman who loved men meant being a translator for their emotions, a palliative nurse for their pride and a hostage negotiator for their egos” (108).
Though Lola holds a more traditional view of romance and marriage, she still longs for her friends and society to respect her choices and her path toward connection. She states, “I also would just like some of our friends to appreciate that while their search is over, mine is still on” (58). Nina, on the other hand, resents her friends’ assumption that she isn’t growing as an individual simply because she isn’t yet married: “Tradition dictates that metamorphoses belong to the married—the rest of us exist in a static state” (106). Nina and Lola may be unfulfilled in their romantic pursuits, but they want others to see that they are no less human for their lack of husbands and children. Moreover, their strong friendship proves that family doesn’t always come through marriage or procreation. Ultimately, Nina realizes that she is searching for genuine connection in all of her relationships—hence her disillusionment with the parody of humanity she finds on Linx. Nina’s quest for authenticity in all areas of her life reminds her to let go of the expectations of others and endeavor only to satisfy her deepest longings.
How Relationships Change and Evolve
In Ghosts, the passing of time has a profound effect on relationships and demonstrates how shifts in priorities, values, and life circumstances can affect the dynamics between individuals. Birthdays are traditionally seen as an opportunity to take stock of one’s life and evaluate the past year, and the novel opens on Nina’s 32nd birthday as she considers her relationships and identifies how the ebb and flow of life is testing some of her bonds. In particular, Nina and Katherine’s storyline plots the evolution of a friendship from adolescence through young adulthood. Having once shared the bond of coming of age together, they grow apart as they choose different paths through life. Smug and defensive about her choice to marry young and start a family, Katherine often makes Nina feel judged for her single life. Nina explains how she thinks Katherine views her untethered existence: “Why couldn’t I let her think my childless life allowed me to rise at noon and lie in a warm bath of milk and honey all day while being fanned with dodo feathers?” (44). After a falling out, Nina and Katherine reconcile and realize that they must reconfigure their relationship to accommodate the ways they’ve both changed. Through their conflict and its resolution, the novel highlights the complexities of female friendship, especially when each person has chosen a different life path.
As Nina fights to salvage her friendship with Katherine, she must also consider the failure of her relationship with Joe. Nina’s thoughts reveal that throughout their seven-year relationship, she and Joe didn’t grow apart but instead grew too close and became more friends than lovers. Joe tells her on his wedding day that they didn’t make a mistake; they were just growing up together. Being able to maintain her friendship with Joe gives Nina perspective on their former relationship, and she learns to have compassion for her younger self as Joe teaches her that people change with each new relationship. He says in his wedding speech that “love is being the guardian of another person’s solitude” (221). Just as relationships must evolve through seasons in life, Nina learns that relationships can also alter one’s personality and desires. Similarly, Nina emerges from her relationship with Max a different person. Her first experience with online dating, the pain she endures from ghosting, and the ensuing mental anguish push Nina to reevaluate what she is looking for in a partnership.
Nina’s relationships with her parents also change over the course of the novel. Nina has always defined herself as “daddy’s girl,” struggling to find common ground with her mother. Nina’s choice to remain single has further distanced her from her mother, who married young and doesn’t understand Nina’s choices. Meanwhile, Bill’s illness changes his relationship with his daughter as she must shift from being his child to his caregiver. This reversal of roles puts further strain on Nina and Nancy’s relationship, as both women grieve in their own ways. Bill’s fall creates an opportunity for both Nina and Nancy to release their pent-up emotions and tell each other what they need. Nina shifts from being a daughter to being Nancy’s friend and advocate as they work together to make care decisions for Bill.
As Nina states early in the story, “Resetting the factory setting of a friendship is such a difficult thing to do” (51); however, her experiences underscore the importance of nurturing treasured relationships through life’s changes.
Being a Caregiver for Someone in Cognitive Decline
Ghosts portrays the heartbreak and emotional turmoil that comes with witnessing a loved one’s cognitive decline. While at first Nina’s father functions fairly normally, each time she visits him, his condition becomes more apparent. Trips home are fraught and emotionally draining because she never knows which version of Bill will greet her. As Nina witnesses her father’s gradual disintegration, she wonders if he is becoming a mere specter of his former self. Her internal monologue reveals the immensity of her grief: “[W]hat loved ones of sufferers experience is a sense of living grief—that the person you knew fades into an unrecognizable state” (118-19). The novel also highlights the confounding role reversal that occurs when caring for a parent with dementia. Nina becomes a caregiver and decision-maker for her father, which challenges her sense of identity and her relationship with both of her parents.
Nina still longs for connection with her father, and her attempts to engage him and evoke moments of recognition reveal her deep desire to go back to the way things were. As dementia presents differently in each person, Nina must learn to manage Bill’s particular experience of cognitive decline. The more she learns, the more Nina understands that she must love each new version of Bill just as he is. At the same time, she must accept and grieve the death of each new version of her father. She compares his mind to a deconstructed work of art: “[S]ometimes it looked like everything he understood had been cut into pieces and he was trying to configure them into a collage that made sense” (19). As a caregiver, Nina also experiences the complex emotions of grief and anticipatory mourning. As Nina witnesses her father’s decline, she must grapple with the inevitability of his passing while still tending to his immediate needs. Nina holds it together around her parents, but when alone, she deeply laments her father’s illness: “I had never known a feeling as unbearable—as sour, wrenching and unshakably sad—as pity for a parent” (95).
Through both Nina and Nancy, the novel confronts the emotional toll that caregiving can take on caregivers. The constant vigilance, the frustrating moments of confusion, and the overwhelming sense of loss all contribute to the exhaustion and distress that both characters experience. Fortunately, they have each other to lean on when things are hard. Despite her erratic behavior, Nancy does her best to care for Bill, but Nina helps her see the need for managing his confusion in a different way, explaining: “[H]e gets muddled with details and timelines, you need to make things as clear as possible, he isn’t being difficult” (93). Nancy and Nina’s experience underscores the importance of caregivers having a support system, whether that be family, friends, or professionals. Gwen helps both women see the need for more structure in Bill’s care, and she helps them recognize some of the details they overlooked in maintaining his safety. The novel illustrates the benefits of asking for help in caring for someone with dementia. Nancy and Nina’s support system not only helps them provide Bill with better care but also helps them maintain their physical and mental well-being.
Related Titles
By Dolly Alderton
