Find Me

In Part 3, the reader is introduced to Oliver’s first-person point of view. Oliver’s narration is motivated by two powerful forces: his sexual energy and his nostalgia. Oliver creates a sexually charged environment in his apartment when he invites two people who are basically strangers to him but to whom he is attracted. Oliver is with his wife, and both Erica and Paul are with their significant others, so the charge of their sexual desire is compounded by the risk of flirting in front of partners. There is an implication here that the danger of being caught desiring another helps emphasize that desire. This is because Oliver’s desires are an inherent part of himself, a part that he often has to repress to mirror what society expects of him. Unlike the relationships Aciman explores in Parts 1 and 2, Part 3 depicts how the individual struggles against relationships that no longer serve a larger, deeper purpose. Oliver loves his wife, but their partnership is characterized as a team, which doesn’t necessarily connote intimacy. The permanence of his marriage juxtaposes the nostalgia he has for a life that is without boundaries. Oliver and his wife have built a good life together, but that life crowds in on Oliver and keeps him away from what he truly wants. Oliver’s life as a career academic, a husband, and a father is a life he appreciates and one he chose, not one that chose him. This is a notable difference between Oliver and the other characters in the novel because characters like Samuel, Michel, Miranda, and Elio embrace the flow of their lives and loves. In doing so, they free themselves from societal constraints and live more fulfilling, if less stable, lives. Those four also don’t consider the sustainability of their relationships; they simply live in the moment. In contrast, Oliver’s attraction to Paul and Erica is emphasized by its impermanence; he will never see Paul or Erica again. Their unattainability therefore feeds his fantasy, whereas in the relationships of Parts 1 and 2, fantasy makes space for attainable relationships.

In Part 3, Aciman revisits the mesmerizing power of music. The human capacity to be moved by music is universal, and, in this novel, it connects lovers between decades and continents. Paul plays a song on a piano that evokes a profound memory of Elio. The depth of Oliver’s connection to this song makes him feel seen by Paul, as though Paul knows all about Elio and is using the music to speak directly to Oliver. Music prompts Oliver to transcend his physical space and revisit magical places of love and passion. This reveals two important characteristics of Oliver. The first is his capacity to be moved, highlighting his artistic sentiment and his ability to get in touch with his emotions. This in turn highlights that Oliver may have a conventional life, but his interiority combats the boredom of that conventionality. That music makes Oliver think about Elio also emphasizes how well Oliver understands Elio. As a musician, Elio is intimately tied to his music. Identifying Elio with music demonstrates a true connection with Elio’s core self. The mesmerizing power of music is highlighted when Oliver has an imaginary conversation with Bach about music. Oliver doesn’t believe that music changes him, but he believes that music reminds him of the life he should have had. In this context, the music is a symbol for Elio; therefore, the life Oliver should have had is a life with Elio.

Two decades after his summer of love with Elio, Oliver still thinks about him. Here, Aciman uses dramatic irony to emphasize Oliver and Elio’s romance. The reader knows that Elio also still thinks about Oliver. They don’t think of one another occasionally; rather, they both live with the specter of the other haunting them. That this love can last decades without communication is evidence that their bond is rare, special, and boundless.

Notably, Oliver believes that he is disloyal to himself. He has not pursued the life that would have made him happiest, which is a type of self-destruction. The title of the novel, Find Me, parallels this idea. Oliver needs to find himself, but he can’t without finding Elio. Elio’s specter and music call across the decades to Oliver. Thus, the imperative “find me” is a call from Elio. This also parallels Call Me by Your Name, a novel that centralizes the story of Oliver and Elio falling in love. Both titles are an intimate call between Oliver and Elio.

Part 3 is titled “Capriccio,” another musical term. A “capriccio” is a short, lively piece of free-form music. The term symbolizes Oliver’s personality: like a capriccio, Oliver is lively—he loves to socialize and meet new people—and embodies a free-form style in that he doesn’t regulate himself by the strict rules and norms of his heteronormative society. “Capriccio” is etymologically connected to the English term “capricious,” which means impulsive or unpredictable. Oliver is the definition of capricious. He has a vivid imagination, an active fantasy life, and an impetuous, daring nature.

But Oliver is in the wrong place at the right time. His capriciousness is less appreciated in a more repressed culture like that of the United States. Unlike the European cultures of France and Italy, where Samuel and Elio can experiment and explore with sexuality and age without too much judgment, Oliver would risk his respected status if all his proclivities were to be revealed. Thus, he is forced to hide his independent-minded impetuousness. Aciman contrasts the culture of the United States with the culture of Europe to provide a critique of the ways in which society oppresses what is most beautifully natural about the individual. Had Oliver met Erica in a yoga class in Rome, or had he met Paul in a university in Paris, he might feel freer to pursue them. But because they are in New York, Oliver can only desire them from afar.