51 pages • 1 hour read
Goodman Sara ConfinoDon't Forget to Write: A Novel
Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2021A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Family and Duty
Content Warning: This section mentions miscarriage.
In Don’t Forget to Write, Marilyn Kleinman comes from a traditional family that adheres to strict gender roles and expectations. Marilyn has grown up with the understanding that it is up to women to get married, have children, and be housewives. She has seen few other options for women’s life paths and none that confer as much respect and stability as a good marriage. Although Marilyn knows that she is expected to marry, she also knows from the beginning of the story that she wants to live her life first. She does not want to be tied down by tradition, but she has not yet questioned her options to see how her life might play out. At one point, Ada asks her what she wants for her future, and she has no answer.
Ada is the first woman Marilyn meets who runs her own business and shirks some traditions. However, as a Jewish matchmaker, Ada is invested in upholding traditional understandings of family and duty. She is personally responsible for many marriages, and she has gained great respect in her community. Ada’s profession and the straight marriages she assists with contrast with the longstanding, secret relationship she has with Lillian. As Marilyn spends time with Ada, she learns just how serious the consequences can be for people, especially women, who do not do their duty and become housewives. Freddy’s fiancée, for instance, only barely manages to save her reputation when Freddy reluctantly agrees to marry her; Ada is certain that the match will not be a happy one. Marilyn learns that her mother chose the safety of duty and family after she got pregnant and had a miscarriage, even though becoming a housewife meant giving up on some of her dreams.
For Marilyn, failing to adhere to her family’s values almost gets her permanently disowned. At the end of the story, although she does succeed in building a more independent life for herself, Marilyn chooses a partner who aligns with her parents’ expectations. Marilyn and Daniel are not necessarily going to get married, but their parents grudgingly accept that their relationship is otherwise appropriate, as they are both Jewish and come from respectable families. Dan’s place in Marilyn’s life is unconventional, but he is part of the reason that she can at least partially reconcile with her parents by the end of the story. Marilyn strikes an unconventional but ultimately more or less acceptable balance between familial duties and her desires.
Romance and Making Matches
Romantic connections and compatible matches might seem like the same thing, but in Don’t Forget to Write, they function differently. Romance is not necessarily present within or sufficient for a marriage between two characters. Marilyn and Freddy, for instance, have romantic feelings for each other, but they would make a bad marriage match because Freddy wants a wife who will adhere to traditional gender roles, while Marilyn wants to be more independent. Ada notices this incompatibility right away. There was a similar problem in Ada’s relationship with John: They loved each other, but they knew that a marriage would be too challenging because of the political situation in America. They chose not to stay together despite their romantic connection, and they both ultimately made peace with that choice.
On the other hand, this story also describes non-romantic marriage matches. Marilyn comes to suspect that her parents do not have a romantic connection, as they are never affectionate, and Rose seems unhappy. Rose insists that she is happy, but she never says whether she has romantic feelings for her husband. Ada was briefly engaged when she was Marilyn’s age to a young man with whom she shared no romantic connection. Despite that, she says that the two of them liked each other and were willing to get married because they felt that they would be compatible companions. When Ada makes matches now, she often focuses on people’s practical compatibility, which can go a long way toward creating a good marriage. Whether the people she matches up with fall in love is up to them.
Ideally, a match should include both compatibility and romance. Marilyn and Daniel ultimately learn that they are a good match, which is something that Ada intuits immediately. They might never marry, but they respect, love, and uplift each other, so they are likely to be able to sustain a mutually beneficial partnership. Marilyn and Daniel’s unconventional approach to their relationship is not dissimilar to the connection between Ada and Lillian. They cannot legally marry, and in fact, they cannot even be open about their relationship, but they have a romantic relationship and are also compatible on a practical level, which they have demonstrated by living together for the past 15 years. Even before she knows the truth about their relationship, Marilyn takes cues from Ada and Lillian when deciding how she wants to live her own life and how she wants her partner to treat her.
Living a Nontraditional Life
From the beginning of Don’t Forget to Write, Marilyn knows that she is not interested in obeying her parents and becoming a dutiful housewife. She wants something different for herself, but she does not yet know exactly what would make her happy. When she meets Ada, she sees a woman who is about as nontraditional as possible while still maintaining a good reputation within her community. Ada is unmarried, runs her own business, and is fashionable in her seventies. She is brash, strict, and secretive about her personal life for reasons that Marilyn cannot initially understand. Ada knows that if she wants something to happen, she will have to do it herself. She tries to teach Marilyn this lesson when she convinces the guard to let them both see the Liberty Bell.
Ada recognizes that if Marilyn wants to be independent as a woman in 1960, she will need to be tough and prepared for the risks that await her. Ada pushes Marilyn to become the kind of person who can live a nontraditional life by giving her both work and independence. She is strict with her in part because she wants to see if Marilyn is strong enough to defy her and be her own person. Ada encourages Marilyn’s writing because she knows that an independent woman needs a craft or career. She will need to believe in herself, which means that she must take her writing seriously. Ada ultimately signals to Marilyn that she now respects her and considers her fully independent when she finally lets her wear red lipstick on her date with Daniel.
Marilyn is initially flippant about most things in her life, and she does not understand Ada’s methods. She gradually grows to respect and love Ada throughout the summer, becoming more grown up and mature in the process. Marilyn wants a relationship with Freddy, but she ultimately realizes that he is a bad choice. She recognizes her mistake, learns from it, and does better from that point on. When Marilyn receives Ada’s money from her will, she is receiving a rare opportunity. The kind of nontraditional life that Marilyn wants requires funds that many women in 1960 could not access without being dependent on a man. Essentially, Ada is giving Marilyn the same opportunity that she received when her father died because she knows how valuable independence can be for a strong-willed young woman.
