Don't Forget to Write: A Novel

“Daddy always said my writing was a waste of time—he wanted me to learn to cook and keep a house and become a good little wife. But Mama encouraged it. She was the one who pushed for me to go to college too. Every spare moment, she could be found with a book in hand, often even while standing at the kitchen counter stirring a pot.”

This passage contrasts Marilyn’s parents to establish the internal tension in the Kleinman household. Walter’s more traditional expectations clash with Rose’s support for Marilyn’s intellectual pursuits. Walter’s expectation that she get married and become a housewife stifles Marilyn, while Rose offers her an escape; writing becomes the vehicle through which Marilyn may be able to free herself.

“‘Why didn’t you ever get married?’

She reopened the newspaper and held it up in front of her face. ‘Because there were no matchmakers as good as me when I was young.’”

Ada’s use of the newspaper as a shield symbolizes her hesitancy to reveal her personal life with Marilyn, foreshadowing the truth about her relationship with Lillian. She uses the newspaper to hide behind the fact that she is Living a Nontraditional Life, despite also being a respected figure in the community through her matchmaking business.

“Had I any idea that Daniel would have been so much trouble—well, who was I kidding? I probably would have done exactly what I did regardless. But maybe I would have stayed away from that stained glass. I had no regrets about anything except getting caught.”

Marilyn is unapologetic about her past actions, demonstrating her self-assuredness and her strong will. She does not let her traditional society make her feel shame for going after the things she wants, evidenced here by her blunt language revealing she has “no regrets” aside from being caught. This shows her defiance and unwillingness to conform to societal norms.

“‘Uh, okay.’

‘Don’t say uh. It makes you sound uncertain. Speak with assurance and people will treat you as intelligent.’”

This exchange between Marilyn and Ada uses dialogic contrast to show Marilyn’s resistance to traditional norms versus Ada’s use of social graces and respectable language to assert power. While Marilyn is eager to shrug off the trappings of tradition and polite society, Ada takes a different approach. She employs gender expectations strategically, which lets her live the life she wants.

“The social class thing—well, Ada had said that could be negotiable. And I certainly didn’t care. Besides, he was going to go into either business or law school. This was America. Anyone could be anything.”

Marilyn’s statement about social mobility reflects the “American dream” ideal, which was especially prevalent in the 1960s when the post-war economic boom was in full swing and the middle class expanded significantly. However, as Marilyn will later learn, class divisions in America mattered at this time more than many people were willing to admit. Her assertion that “[a]nyone could be anything” reveals her youthful optimism, where she does not yet grasp the deeper realities of class dynamics in American society.

“I had written three chapters, but I hadn’t yet told him that I was working on a novel. Then again, he never asked what I wanted to do with my life other than the assumed marriage and children either.”

Marilyn starts to suspect that Freddy is just as concerned with Family and Duty as all the other men in her life. Though he seems just as carefree and rebellious as she is, he still expects her to settle down with him and fulfill her duties as a wife, which she knows would make her unhappy. This quote highlights her continued dissatisfaction with traditional gender expectations.

“I wanted to live first. And Freddy wanted a wife who was going to have dinner on the table for him.”

This quote establishes a contrast between Freddy’s and Marilyn’s expectations. While Marilyn desires independence and life experience, Freddy has more traditional values. Marilyn realizes that she does not want to be a wife—at least not yet—shown here by her stark realization that, should she get married now to a partner like Freddy, she will be someone expected to have dinner on the table. Here, the author underscores Marilyn’s longing for independence and self-fulfillment, a desire that drives her actions for the remainder of the book.

“Literally everything was about what he wanted. His choices. His decisions. Where was I? Did I matter at all? Or was I just a means to an end? Would he have even come to talk to me that afternoon if my family didn’t have money?”

Marilyn’s use of rhetorical questions reflects her realization of Freddy’s self-interest and the fact that he was simply using her as a means to an end. This makes Marilyn upset but ultimately shows her that he is not the right choice for her if she wants to live nontraditionally. He does not see her as her own person, but rather as a vehicle through which he can attain the life he desires. This situation intensifies Marilyn’s desire for a partnership that allows her to maintain her autonomy and work toward her goals.

“It had never occurred to me to be jealous of a bird, but that pelican—minus the diet—had the freedom I wanted. It knew where it belonged, which I no longer did. It knew what it was supposed to do—eat, fly, and swim. And there was no one chastising it for not living the way they wanted it to.”

The author personifies the freedom that Marilyn desires in the figure of the pelican. This metaphor symbolizes Marilyn’s yearning. While the things that Marilyn wants out of life seem simple, like the needs of the bird, navigating her desires in a traditional society with rigid expectations is much more complicated. Expressing frustration that others are chastising her for living how she wants, Marilyn is jealous of the bird’s ability to spread its wings freely—something she cannot yet do.

“I supposed I would meet Lillian in a few weeks’ time. Was she really a substitute for a family though? And if not, why did Ada seem happier than most women I knew?”

Marilyn puzzles over the mystery of Lillian and Ada’s arrangement using rhetorical questions. Even though Marilyn herself wants something more for her life, she struggles to understand how a woman could be happy without a family around her. Her confusion foreshadows the end of the book when she learns the truth about their relationship and finally understands Ada’s ability to find fulfillment outside of traditional expectations.

“Ada had said that social class was sometimes negotiable in making matches, but often not. And I finally understood she didn’t mean money. She meant values. Core beliefs. The way we treated others. You could be rich as Croesus and still not have class.”

Marilyn equates class with values rather than wealth. The implication that Freddy and his family are lower class because of their poor values, despite their high income, reinforces the assertion that values or core beliefs often reinforce class boundaries and influence rigid social demarcations. The allusion to Croesus, an extremely wealthy ruler of the Lydian Kingdom whose hubris destroyed his kingdom, supports Ada’s belief that money alone doesn’t equate to social class.

“Where I had felt trapped my whole life by society and the expectations of everyone around me, I was free in this world that I had begun to spin around my characters.”

Writing is a means of escape for Marilyn where she can express her desires freely. This contrasts with her life, where she feels a pervasive sense of entrapment. Through writing, Marilyn creates a world over which she has power, unlike her own life, where others make decisions for her.

“‘Always say yes to new things,’ Ada said. ‘It’s the only way you’ll be able to write about life—if you actually go out and live it.’”

This quote links authentic writing to life experience. Ada equates being able to be a good writer with being able to fully live one’s life. This solidifies writing as a life path for Marilyn; if she is willing to take it seriously and dedicate her life to it, she could have a thriving career. However, Ada highlights that this also hinges on her ability to say yes to new experiences and live life as she desires.

“But Mama had been that deeply in love. And I vowed to myself, on that dark stretch of road, never to do what she did and settle for something bland to keep from being hurt.”

The revelation about her mother’s past puts Marilyn’s own life into perspective. She can see the decisions that her mother made and knows that she could never make them for herself. Marilyn’s vow to avoid her mother’s sacrifices illustrates her commitment to avoiding complacency and pursuing personal fulfillment.

“‘Her mother didn’t have much, but should Lillian ever leave me, she’ll be comfortable at least.’

‘How does your arrangement work anyway? Will she retire someday?’

‘I doubt it. I would assume we’ll live out the rest of our lives together. She enjoys our arrangement as much as I do.’”

Ada’s comments about her arrangement with Lillian hint at the true nature of their relationship, foreshadowing their commitment to each other and their ability to live in a nontraditional way. Although Marilyn remains oblivious to the truth, this dialogue provides further insight into the seriousness of their relationship, contrasting with Marilyn’s prior assumptions about Lillian’s replaceability.

“I was surprised at Ada wanting anonymity. She thrived on the recognition she received everywhere she went. Without it, I assumed she would shrivel up like a raisin.”

Ada wants a life of anonymity because she wants to be able to live with Lillian without facing scrutiny or ostracism from her community. However, this desire surprises Marilyn, as Ada typically enjoys recognition. Using the simile “like a raisin,” Marilyn expresses concern that Ada will wither away without this acknowledgment. This moment foreshadows her choice to fake her death and go to Key West with Lillian.

“Because I can spot a good one a mile away. He cares about your interests. He respects what you want. And he drove all this way to try. Even Sally approves, and I told you, she’s an excellent judge of character.”

Ada demonstrates her aptitude for Romance and Making Matches when she instantly recognizes that Daniel would be a good match for Marilyn, evidenced by the figurative language that she can identify a high-quality individual from a distance. Though Marilyn does not like being told what to do or how to think, Ada’s approval and encouragement convince her to give Daniel a second chance.

“I didn’t like Lillian. She was already intruding on my time with Ada. She didn’t need a paid companion anymore. She had me.”

Marilyn’s resentment toward Lillian introduces further conflict. Although she later changes her mind, she believes that a “paid companion” is unnecessary now that Ada has her. The term “intruding” establishes a sense of competition and jealousy. Even before she knows the truth about Ada and Lillian’s relationship, she recognizes that Lillian’s place in Ada’s life is not negotiable and struggles to accept this.

“But the war ended in 1919. Which meant they had been friends for over forty years. No wonder Ada reacted that way when I suggested she didn’t need Lillian anymore.”

The historical context and time span emphasized in this quote provide increased background and depth to Ada and Lillian’s relationship. Marilyn’s realization of their long friendship humbles Marilyn, reminding her that she is not the only important person in Ada’s life. This detail allows Marilyn to understand why Ada reacted negatively when Marilyn suggested that she didn’t need Lillian, as 40 years represents the strength of their relationship.

“Not one of them had ever actually asked me what I wanted or respected the fact that I had a brain in my head. Until Dan.”

In this quote, Marilyn criticizes past relationships or potential suitors, highlighting their lack of respect and acknowledgment of her intelligence. The author uses descriptive language to describe their inability to see Marilyn’s brain to demonstrate their dismissal of her full personhood. This establishes a contrast with Daniel, who has a positive characterization. Importantly, he sees Marilyn as her own person, acknowledges her autonomy, and considers her desires.

“I looked at him for a long moment, wondering how I hadn’t seen the parallels of our circumstances. He didn’t want to wind up leading services any more than I wanted to be reading at a stove. And neither of us had a way to make our families understand.”

The parallel construction underscores the shared struggle between Marilyn and Daniel. By comparing their circumstances, Marilyn recognizes a commonality in their desires for self-fulfillment and the difficulty of communicating their needs to their families. This shared worldview gives them a strong basis for building a life together. This moment solidifies Daniel as the right life partner for Marilyn, even if neither of them is yet sure what the future holds.

“I didn’t know many people who weren’t Jewish. We tended to huddle together on this side of the Atlantic, even more so since the hazy events in Europe during my early childhood.”

This is the only reference to the Holocaust in the book, introducing increased historical context to the narrative. The term “huddled together” reflects a sense of isolation and community cohesion shaped by historical trauma and the horrifying effects of the Holocaust. This quote also suggests that the historical event played a role in the values and societal expectations placed upon young Jewish people to get married and have children in 1960.

“‘Fine. Even if you’re perfectly happy, it wouldn’t make me happy. Can’t you understand that?’

‘No,’ my father said. ‘Unless you’re trying to tell me you’re some kind of deviant.’

My mouth dropped open. ‘Some kind of—what?’”

In the 1960s, this was a common attitude toward anyone Living a Nontraditional Life. Marriage and raising children were the norm, and those who did not want to take part were suspected to be “deviants,” a word that was heavily associated with members of the LGBTQ+ community at the time. Marilyn’s father using the word “deviant” reflects social stigma and reasserts the import of traditional values. His reaction exemplifies the overarching conflict in the novel between personal happiness and societal expectations. Marilyn’s shock at being labeled as such underscores the scorn that the phrase carries and the harsh judgment that she faces for rejecting traditional roles, even from her own family.