Demon Dentist

At home, Alfie is hesitant to hug Dad because he worries that Dad will see his teeth, but Dad insists. Alfie starts a kettle of water on their camp stove for tea. Winnie arrives, and though Alfie tries to tell her that it is not a good time, she comes in, intent on telling Dad the story about Alfie’s dentist appointment.

Before she tells the story, Winnie asks for cookies, cake, or something chocolate; Alfie says that they have none. She asks for chocolate in all sorts of forms, but Alfie continues to say they have none. Just as Winnie gives up on her requests, the Revels fall from Alfie’s pocket. Winnie says that she’d love any Revels but coffee flavored and tries one; Alfie does not tell her that they are all coffee flavored, and Winnie keeps eating them one after another, consuming each new one to try to clear away the nasty coffee taste from the last. Winnie says that coffee goes “right through” her, and sure enough, she soon runs from the house, experiencing strong intestinal gas.

Without any Revels left to help keep himself awake, Alfie considers a variety of approaches in facing the long, dark night ahead, such as propping open his lids with matchsticks, leaving the window open to let in cold air, and getting out of bed to do rhythmic gymnastics routines every five minutes. In the end, his fear keeps him awake. Soon, he hears a window slide open. When a huge dark figure approaches his pillow, he leaps out of bed and runs toward the shadow.

The huge shadow is Raj. Alfie and Raj both yell from fear. Raj says that he could not stay at home worrying about Alfie, so he came over. Alfie says that he is fine and checks under the pillow. They are horrified to discover that the tooth is gone, and in its place is a twitching eyeball with the optic nerve still trailing. The “unusually large” eyeball can move and focus on them. They scream, and when Dad pounds on the wall, Raj jumps into Alfie’s arms. Once Raj stands on his own again, Alfie accepts that he must tell Dad the truth.

Alfie tells Dad the whole tale, including the tooth snatcher’s awful gifts, the chase that inadvertently brought him to Miss Root’s office, and the extraction of his teeth. Dad is upset that Alfie did not tell him sooner and comforts him. He is also furious at Miss Root. The three look at the eyeball; it is now still but left a disgusting trail of brown slime across the mattress. Alfie insists that he was awake throughout the night and locked the window once Raj was inside. Dad slowly reasons that the tooth snatcher must still be in their home—perhaps in the room with them. At Dad’s silent direction, Alfie checks the wardrobe and then under the bed. Alfie is terrified to discover a figure under the bed when it opens its eyes. He recognizes the black eyes as Miss Root’s. The figure flees the room by smashing through the window glass. Alfie sees a figure with a trail of smoke behind it fly into the night.

PC Plank arrives but offers no help; he only comments that the window is broken, threatens to arrest Alfie, eats a jam sandwich, and says that he cannot take the eyeball into evidence since he ran out of evidence bags (his mother used the last one to pack his jam sandwiches). Alfie tries to get Plank to understand the danger of the tooth snatcher, but it is futile. Raj takes a taxi home, and Alfie goes to Dad’s bed, though he is too nervous to sleep. At dawn, he dresses, intent on facing Miss Root alone.

No one stirs on the sidewalks since it is so early. Hiding near the entrance to the dentist’s office, Alfie sees a sign on the practice that reads “Miss Root; MDW; Dental Practitioner” (300). He wonders what the acronym means. Then, he witnesses Miss Root’s arrival: She flies on a metal cylinder with Fang sitting behind her. The cylinder is the laughing gas cylinder from her office. She lands out of the fog and walks to the office, not a hair out of place. Alfie decides that she is a witch. From his hiding place, Alfie watches in horror as Gabz approaches the office door and is buzzed in. He tries to run to warn her, but someone grabs him and lifts him off the ground.

It is Winnie who grabs Alfie, insisting that she must take him home to his worried father and then try to convince the school headmaster to allow him to return. Alfie bravely tells Winnie that he must stay to help his friend; Winnie claims that she was on the toilet all night because of the Revels and is “not in the best of moods” (307). Alfie tells Winnie that Miss Root is a witch. Winnie laughs uproariously at this until Alfie removes his dentures to show what Miss Root did. Then, they hear a drill and a scream from the upper floor of the office building. Winnie changes her mind and wants to save Gabz with Alfie.

Winnie attempts to break through the office door by bombarding it with her body. Alfie jumps on her back to add more weight, which works. They run up the stairs to find Gabz trapped in the chair and Miss Root holding the hand-powered drill near her mouth. Gabz hollers for help, saying that Miss Root plans to extract all her teeth. Miss Root pulls her false teeth away to show a huge set of terrifying fangs. She announces that she is the Tooth Witch and commands them to “kneel down before [her]” (317).