Dear Justyce

“I knew if I could be just like you, my dad would be proud of me.”

Quan’s relationship with his father is important to him, even after his father is taken away to prison. Quan looks at Justyce and believes that if Quan were like Justyce, his life would be better. While Quan doesn’t go into detail, it is hinted that he wishes he, like Justyce, had gone to a nice school and stayed out of trouble instead of getting caught up with Trey and Martel. Making his father proud is Quan’s main motivation as a child, and he lives with a constant feeling of shame because he believes his father’s love is conditional.

“You really expect me to believe you didn’t cheat, LaQuan? […] I’m supposed to buy this sudden improvement hook, line and sinker, huh?”

When Quan studies hard for his math test, he is thrilled to learn that he can earn high grades on his own. However, Mama has no faith in her son and assumes two terrible things about him: He isn’t smart enough to earn grades like this on his own, and he would cheat. Mama not only insults Quan’s intelligence and work ethic; she also insults his character and creates a rift between her and her son. This memory haunts Quan for the rest of his life and factors into his decision to stop trying hard in school.

“It didn’t matter what he did. Staying focused didn’t give Quan any control at all.”

Although Quan tries to “stay focused” and keep his life together after Daddy’s arrest, he quickly realizes that he is only a child and unable to control every aspect of his life. After the math test incident, Quan feels like he will never be able to control the way people think of him, and without his own mother in his corner and with his favorite teacher gone on maternity leave, Quan has lost all motivation to be a good kid and stay out of trouble. Without Daddy’s influence, Quan feels like he has no reason to try to maintain control of his life.

“Why’d we turn out so different?”

Quan wrestles with the concepts of fate versus free will, especially when it comes to Justyce. Quan understands that he and Justyce share a similar background, but Justyce went to an Ivy League school, whereas Quan barely passed his classes and wound up in prison. Quan is bothered by how differently their lives turned out, but he is not angry with Justyce; he is simply fascinated by the idea that he could have been like Justyce if something had been different.

“[Trey] had just smirked. Like he was the new captain of Quan’s spaceship.”

When Quan starts hanging out with Trey, he allows Trey’s influence to slowly take control of his life. He joins Trey in a series of thefts, and he gets pulled into the Black Jihad because of Trey. Quan’s spaceship represents his escape from the world around him, and if Trey is the new captain, it means that even Quan’s escape method is out of his control. Trey will navigate Quan right into more trouble.

“[Doc] has really grown on me. It’s too bad I didn’t meet him sooner.”

Although Quan wasn’t sure of what to make of Doc at first, he soon becomes comfortable with this teacher who asks him tough, thought-provoking questions. Quan hasn’t had a teacher (other than his one middle school math teacher) who invested time in him and believed that he was capable of producing quality work. Quan sees a mentor in Doc, and he believes that if he had more teachers like him—people who took him under their wing and saw the best in him—he wouldn’t have fallen in with someone like Martel. Quan even thinks that if he had known Doc at a younger age, he might not have ended up in prison at all, and he might have turned out more like Justyce.

“He needed a friend. Someone who cared […] it was crystal clear to Quan that [Mama] no longer did.”

After Quan’s first arrest, his mother treats him so differently that Quan believes she doesn’t care about him anymore. Without his mother’s love, Quan seeks love and acceptance from someone else. Trey becomes Quan’s best friend even though Quan knows that Trey is a bad influence who will pull him into trouble. Quan believes that he has no other choice owing to his mother’s indifference and apparent lack of love.

“And Quan came out…different. Enlightened. To darkness. His own, and how it affected things.”

Quan’s fourth arrest lands him in a juvenile detention facility, where he is forever changed by what he sees. The word “darkness” here could mean Quan’s skin color: As a young Black man, Quan was never fully aware of why he was treated differently or not trusted by teachers or librarians. However, he becomes aware during his lockup of “his own” darkness, and how it affects his life in ways he never thought about. Quan becomes aware of racial bias, especially in the justice system.

“The system is unfair. Quan saw that with his own eyes. Hell, he lived it.”

When Quan meets Martel for the first time, he is drawn to the man for two main reasons: Martel is an older Black man who could be a possible mentor for Quan, and he seems to understand what Quan is angry about after coming out of his stay in juvenile detention. Quan might have suspected that the system was unfair, but Martel confirms Quan’s suspicions and validates his thoughts and feelings. Martel is highly educated, and his studies parallel what Quan experienced. Quan finds comfort in an adult who not only looks like him, but also doesn’t accuse him of “making excuses” for his criminal history. Martel has the data and passion to fight the injustice that Quan experienced.

“How could you possibly understand the inner workings of a hood cat like me?”

When Quan first reconnects with Justyce in Dear Martin, he has a hard time believing that Justyce could ever understand him. Justyce stayed out of trouble and never understood how people like Quan could fall in with the Black Jihad. Quan expresses frustration when Justyce asks how he got involved with Martel because Quan assumes that Justyce will judge him and poke holes in his story. Quan lives in a world where outsiders (those with stable home lives, support systems, etc.) are quick to pass judgment on kids like Quan because they haven’t lived the same experiences as him, and now Quan thinks that no one will ever give him the benefit of the doubt, including Justyce.

“The reason I joined the Black Jihad: I needed backup. Support without judgment… I needed a family.”

Now that Quan trusts Justyce, he opens up and explains to Justyce that he didn’t join the Black Jihad because he had a desire to get into trouble or commit crimes. He simply felt lonely, and he was looking for a sense of community. Because of Quan’s complicated and toxic family life, he feels like he has no stability or safe people to turn to in his life. He turns to the Black Jihad because they offer all of the things Quan is after: acceptance, appreciation, and leadership. Quan’s reasons highlight how attractive gangs can be to children who are adrift in life and seeking something stable to attach themselves to.

“I don’t really see where there was a different path for a dude like me.”

Quan expresses that people are constantly asking him what he thinks he could have done differently. When Quan writes his final letter to his father, he tells his father that he really did try to keep control of his life and stay out of trouble, but it just felt impossible. Quan felt like he was fighting fate the moment his father was arrested—with no support, no hope, and no way out of his involvement with the Black Jihad, Quan felt like his fate was sealed. He was destined to go to prison and destined to ruin his own life. He acknowledges that he could have made better choices, but it just felt like he was fighting a losing battle.

“I’m not a killer. I pulled my gun, but I never actually fired. I’m not the one who killed Tomas Castillo.”

Quan’s big reveal at the end of Part 1 comes as a shock to Justyce as well as the reader. Quan has been serving time in prison for over a year, yet he has never claimed to be innocent. The fact that Quan keeps his innocence a secret sparks questions in both Justyce and readers: Why would anyone, especially a young man, admit to a crime he didn’t commit? And why has Quan allowed so much time to pass before bringing this up with anyone? These questions fuel the second half of the novel as Justyce scrambles to bring Quan’s “confession” to light without implicating anyone else for the crime.

“When you grow up feeling like no one’s on your side, and you suddenly find people who are, it literally changes your brain.”

While discussing how to help prove Quan’s innocence, Liberty, who was once gang-affiliated herself, points out why Quan seems determined to protect the members of the Black Jihad. She explains that Quan is undergoing a psychological phenomenon in which he feels like he cannot speak out about the gang or reveal who actually killed Officer Castillo. Quan had no one else in his life who believed in him, and because the guys in Martel’s crew welcomed Quan in and gave him a sense of protection and community, he is forever bonded to them and protects them at all costs.

“Cut that sorry excuse you have for a lawyer loose, and let’s get things headed in a more favorable direction.”

When Justyce visits Quan in prison, they have a conversation about Quan’s current lawyer. Quan’s lawyer is inexperienced and is not doing his due diligence to try to keep his client (Quan) out of prison. Justyce recruits SJ’s mother, Attorney Friedman, to take on Quan’s case and actually put some effort into proving Quan’s innocence. Justyce believes that Quan never would have served this much time if he had a competent lawyer from the very beginning, and he knows that Attorney Friedman will fight tooth and nail to get an innocent man out of prison as quickly as possible. However, Quan must accept her as his new lawyer and leave his old lawyer in the dust if he wants to get out. 

“I just didn’t realize what a difference it would make to be in conversation with someone who genuinely wants to keep me OUT of prison altogether.”

Once Quan fires his old lawyer and starts to work with Attorney Friedman, he is amazed to discover what kind of lawyer he should have had all along. Because Quan’s original lawyer was a court-appointed attorney, the man never seemed too concerned with proving Quan’s innocence, but he encouraged Quan to take a plea bargain instead. Quan was so discouraged by his experience with his old lawyer that he realizes having Attorney Friedman is inspiring hope within him. Quan might even wish that his own mother would have tried to keep him out of prison like Attorney Friedman.

“We’re on your side, Quan. Our goal is to get you out of here and reintegrated into society as a vital contributor to the betterment of the world.”

Quan looks around at all of the people who are investing time and energy into him—Justyce, Doc, Attorney Friedman, Tay, and Liberty—and he realizes that they really believe in him. As Attorney states, Quan’s supporters don’t just want to get him out of prison: They want to set him up for success by providing him with education, emotional support, and friendship. When Quan was a child, he had big dreams of succeeding and going far in life, just like Justyce. He started to believe that that goal was out of his reach, but Attorney Friedman and the rest of Quan’s support system are determined to give him a chance to show all of his talent, goodness, and love to the world. They see his potential and are unwilling to let it go to waste.

“We find the families we were desperate for and learn different ways of going about things.”

Quan writes to Justyce and thinks again about his decision to get involved with the Black Jihad. However, Quan expands his thought process to include some of the boys he has met over the years in prison. He notices that all of the boys with gang affiliations have one thing in common: They had troubled family lives, and when their biological families failed them, they all went looking for another family. When a child doesn’t have a built-in sense of belonging in their home, they will seek out that sense of belonging elsewhere. Quan is expounding upon the importance of family involvement as a major factor to prevent young people like him from falling in with the wrong crowd.

“It’s unfortunate, but in the majority of cases like this one, the young men involved don’t have any true advocates.”

Both Attorney Baldwin and Martel remind Justyce that most boys “like Quan” don’t have friends like him. Without someone on the outside who truly believes in their potential and goodness, boys like Quan are often abandoned in prison. Having a “true advocate” on the outside, however, can be a game-changer. Justyce not only believes Quan, but he also assembles a team of others who also believe in him and want to help him. This moment shows the power of activism in the lives of disadvantaged kids like Quan. In a world where there is so much distrust with law enforcement, Justyce’s actions are considered heroic and not at all commonplace.

“As she walks away […] Without a single glance behind her […]” (241)

When Quan’s mother comes to visit him in prison for the first (and final) time, he waits for her to say that she loves him or she misses him. Instead, Mama makes her visit brief and only stays long enough to tell Quan that Dasia is sick but that Quan’s friends are helping out. Then, without any warm words, she simply leaves. Quan’s mother has always been ashamed of his criminal record, and even after going more than a year without seeing her son, she is cold and distant. Quan is heartbroken that his own mother continues to treat him like a common criminal. This moment also shows that Quan’s lockup has been particularly hard on his mother, and she probably doesn’t realize how much she is hurting her son with her behavior.

“Even if I didn’t owe them a thing, I couldn’t just bounce. I’ve seen and know too much, man.”

Quan explains the complicated dynamics of gang life to Justyce. “Blood in, blood out” is a common saying when it comes to street gangs: People are bonded to their gang and cannot leave easily. He wants to leave his involvement with Martel and the Black Jihad behind him, but he feels powerless to escape. He worries that because of what he knows about Martel’s business, his drop houses, and the identity of Castillo’s murderer, the gang will not let him go without taking his life. While Quan does feel indebted to the Black Jihad for “taking care of” his problem with Dwight, he is afraid of them turning on him.

“Everyone should have somebody who believes in ‘em. Like no matter what they’ve done. Somebody won’t give up on them […] No strings attached.”

When Quan discovers that Martel is severing his ties with Quan and demanding payment for the “favors” the group did for Quan’s family, Quan is overwhelmed with fear. He believes that he also owes a debt to all of the people who have been helping him, and the Tay in his head has to assure him that Quan owes them nothing. Quan has spent most of his life thinking that he had to earn love and acceptance, but in this moment, he realizes that love should be unconditional. People—especially children—should never have to feel like they don’t deserve kindness or advocacy from others. This is a huge step for Quan on his journey towards self-love and self-respect.

“DA said with a suppressed confession, no murder weapon, and no witnesses, they don’t have much of a case.”

Quan, like many Americans, has a false understanding of how the criminal justice system is supposed to work. Quan believes that in order for him to be found innocent, he has to give up the identity of the real murderer of Officer Castillo. However, as this text shows, a person’s innocence is not determined by the guilt of another person. Quan’s innocence is proven by forensic evidence and a lack of witnesses, and therefore, there is plenty of reasonable doubt. The burden is on the prosecution to gather evidence to convict a suspect, and in this case, the district attorney’s office realizes that they have no evidence. Quan might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, but there is nothing to tie him to the crime. To continue to hold him in prison isn’t just morally wrong: It is illegal.