60 pages • 2 hours read
Emily OsterCribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2019A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Part 4, Chapters 19-21Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Part 4: “The Home Front”
Part 4, Chapter 19 Summary: “Internal Politics”
Oster discusses the impact of children on marital satisfaction, acknowledging the common belief that introducing kids into a relationship can lead to increased tension. Oster supports this notion by citing various studies that demonstrate a decline in marital happiness after having children. Drawing parallels to conflicts that arise when couples move in together, Oster humorously recounts a persistent disagreement with her husband, Jesse, over kitchen sponge etiquette.
She highlights the challenge of adjusting to significant changes in daily routines, which becomes more pronounced with the arrival of children. Oster addresses the common notion that children can “ruin” marriages, acknowledging the heightened stakes and exhaustion that accompany parenthood. She presents evidence from various studies, spanning back to 1970, indicating that marital satisfaction commonly declines after the birth of children, with a notable dip in the first year.
The unequal distribution of household chores emerges as a significant contributor to dissatisfaction, with women often shouldering a disproportionate burden even when both partners work full time. Oster notes that while there has been progress in achieving more equal sharing of chores, a gender gap still exists, affecting women’s happiness and creating tension in relationships. The author also highlights the decline in sexual activity after having children, attributing it to factors like time constraints, exhaustion, and the presence of children in the household. Oster discusses conflicting research findings on whether increased participation in household chores by men positively or negatively influences couples’ sex lives, emphasizing the complexity of such dynamics.
As a potential solution to marital challenges post-children, Oster suggests prioritizing sleep, as lack of sleep contributes to higher levels of depression and, consequently, marital dissatisfaction. The author introduces the concept of a “marriage checkup,” an annual meeting facilitated by a professional to discuss the state of the relationship systematically.
Oster points to small-scale interventions and therapy, focusing on communication and conflict resolution, as methods that have shown some effectiveness. She emphasizes the value of reflecting on each partner’s contributions to the household, noting that sometimes seemingly simple tasks, like taking out the trash, may entail more effort than meets the eye. She presents anecdotes, including a humorous example involving trash duties in her own household, to illustrate the need for better understanding and appreciation of each other’s contributions.
Part 4, Chapter 20 Summary: “Expansions”
The author explores the decision-making process surrounding the choice of having more than one child and the timing of subsequent pregnancies. Oster acknowledges the diversity of approaches, from those ready for another baby immediately after delivery to those who take years before considering another child or decide against it altogether.
Oster asserts that there are no definitive, science-based answers to questions about the optimal number of children or ideal birth spacing, emphasizing that personal family preferences should take precedence. Oster discusses the economic perspective on the “quantity-quality” tradeoff, highlighting the tension between the desire to have more children and the desire to give each child maximum resources.
While economic theories suggest that more children may lead fewer resources for each child, potentially setting those children up for poorer academic and life performance, data analysis, often using methods involving “surprise” births like twins, shows limited impact of the number of children on these outcomes. The discussion extends to the concern about social implications for only children, with Oster presenting evidence from a review of 140 studies showing that this worry is largely unfounded.
Regarding birth spacing, Oster addresses studies examining its correlation with infant health outcomes, such as preterm birth, low birth weight, and low gestational age. While some studies suggest associations between very short or very long birth intervals and negative outcomes, Oster points out the challenges in drawing conclusions due to the unusual nature of these intervals.
Oster explores the long-term consequences of birth spacing on children’s test scores and the potential links between short birth intervals and autism, highlighting the difficulty in adjusting for differences across families in these studies. She concludes by proposing that waiting at least a year before getting pregnant again may be a reasonable choice for those without strong preferences, considering the potential small risks and the demanding nature of the infant stage.
Part 4, Chapter 21 Summary: “Growing Up and Letting Go”
Oster reflects on the evolving nature of parenting as children grow older. Drawing from personal experiences, she shares an anecdote about a conversation with a pair of economist parents who looked forward to life getting easier as their young children became teens, only to find themselves immersed in intricate discussions about high-school social life.
Oster contrasts the challenges of early parenting, filled with labor-intensive but relatively straightforward caregiving, with the later years when concerns about academic achievement, social integration, and overall happiness become paramount. She acknowledges the increasing complexity of problems that resist empirical analysis as children grow.
The author emphasizes the importance of adapting parenting strategies to the diverse and less quantifiable challenges faced by older children. Oster notes that, unlike early parenting decisions that can often be informed by data, navigating social dynamics and individual happiness requires a more intuitive and personalized approach. The chapter underscores the notion that, despite the uncertainty and variability in parenting challenges, the rewards become more profound with a child’s growth and achievements.
As a parting piece of advice, Oster recounts sharing her worry about bees with her pediatrician while planning a vacation to France. The pediatrician’s simple yet profound advice, “Hmm. I’d probably just try not to think about that” (291), becomes a mantra for Oster. The anecdote highlights the tendency of parents to overthink and worry about countless hypothetical scenarios. Oster encourages parents to balance the seriousness of parenting decisions with the realization that one cannot anticipate every possible outcome.
Oster concludes by toasting to the judicious use of data, making sound decisions for families, and, at times, simply letting go.
Part 4, Chapters 19-21 Analysis
This part specifically focuses on the challenges that arise when a couple decides to have children. As she does in previous chapters, Oster employs a personal narrative approach, sharing anecdotes from her own experience to highlight the importance of personal context. Oster uses a humorous tone to articulate the everyday conflicts that can emerge in a relationship, ranging from seemingly trivial matters like kitchen sponge etiquette to the profound impact of introducing a child into one’s life. The humor serves not only to entertain but also to lighten the gravity of the topic and makes it easier for the reader to absorb the underlying message.
The central argument that emerges from this section is that the arrival of children can significantly stress a marriage. In addition to personal anecdotes, Oster draws on extensive research to support this claim. She highlights studies dating back to 1970, indicating a decline in marital satisfaction after the birth of a child, with a notable increase in tension during the first year—evidence of The Anxiety of Parenting Very Young Children. The author acknowledges the high stakes involved in parenting, where the disagreements extend beyond trivial matters, such as sponges, to fundamental questions about the best way to raise a child. The overarching theme is the challenge of balancing individual desires with the shared responsibility of parenting.
Oster uses research findings to bolster her arguments. In Chapter 19, she discusses the impact of unequal chore allocation and a decline in sexual activity on marital satisfaction. She cites time-use data to demonstrate the persistent gender disparity in household responsibilities, even when both partners work full time. The unequal distribution of chores, coupled with the documented decrease in sexual activity among parents, contributes to the decline in marital happiness after the arrival of children. By placing rigorous academic studies alongside personal anecdotes, she emphasizes that new parents are not alone in the challenges they face. However, she acknowledges that while there is a correlation between these factors and marital dissatisfaction, causation is challenging to establish definitively.
Oster’s discussion of complex decisions around how many children to have and when to have them highlights The Value of Data in Parenting. Chapter 20 addresses the elusive quest for an “optimal” number of children and the ideal spacing between them, dismissing the notion of a one-size-fits-all answer. Oster’s writing is characterized by a candid and conversational tone, making the intricate economic theories, such as the “quantity-quality” tradeoff, accessible to a broader audience. The author employs a data-driven approach, acknowledging the limitations of studying these topics due to the inherent differences among families. This complex terrain is a key example of one of the book’s central contentions: that scientific data must be considered in light of individual preferences and circumstances. Oster cites studies on birth spacing and its impact on infant health and long-term outcomes. She discusses the challenges of studying these phenomena, highlighting the unusual nature of very short and very long birth intervals. The integration of personal experiences, economic theories, and research studies reflects Oster’s intent to provide a comprehensive analysis of the complexities surrounding fertility choices, inviting readers to consider their own circumstances within the broader context of available data.
Oster’s use of anecdotes and humor helps lighten the tone while highlighting the challenges of parenting at different stages. In Chapter 21, she provides a reflective commentary on the evolving nature of parenting as children grow. The story about the couple anticipating an easier time once their children reached high school humorously underscores the shifting nature of parenting concerns. As the narrative progresses, Oster reflects on the transition from the early years, marked by mundane yet significant milestones like a child using the bathroom independently, to the later years, where the focus shifts to more emotionally charged concerns such as academic achievement and social integration.
The concluding parenting advice from Dr. Li encapsulates the book’s overarching theme—sometimes, amidst the myriad uncertainties, it’s crucial for parents to embrace the unknown, trust their instincts, and, as Dr. Li suggests, “just try not to think about it” (291). Oster’s imagined catastrophe involving bees cleverly illustrates the overblown fears that sometimes come with parenting, encouraging a lighthearted approach amid myriad potential worries. The author wraps up the book with a toast to using data judiciously, making informed decisions, doing one’s best, and occasionally letting go of overthinking—an apt conclusion to a book that seeks to empower parents with both information and a sense of perspective.
