Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool

Oster delves into the significant decision faced by parents regarding whether to return to work or stay at home, a choice laden with societal judgment and personal implications. Oster begins by illustrating the societal pressure encapsulated in the question, “What kind of mom do you have?” (148) as she explores the pervasive “Mommy Wars.”

She criticizes the gendered framing of this decision, and advocates for a broader perspective that includes fathers and diverse family structures. Oster contends that the discussion should shift from “What kind of mom will you be?” (149) to “What is the optimal configuration of adult work hours for your household?” (149). She argues for a more inclusive dialogue that considers individual preferences and family dynamics.

The chapter explores three key components to consider when making the decision: What is best for the child’s long-term success and happiness, the parents’ personal desires, and the implications for the family budget. Oster emphasizes the need to challenge the notion that parental choices are solely dictated by necessity rather than personal preference. She candidly shares her own experience, acknowledging her choice to work because she enjoys it, challenging the stigma associated with admitting such a preference.

Oster navigates through the impacts of parental employment on child outcomes, discussing studies on the effects of parental leave extensions. She contends that the net effects of working on child development are minimal or zero, highlighting instead the complex interplay of factors such as family configuration, income, and parental time. The discussion extends to the benefits of parental leave, with Oster presenting evidence that suggests positive effects on infant health and, in some cases, long-term outcomes.

The chapter concludes with a detailed examination of the budgetary considerations associated with parental work, emphasizing the dynamic nature of these calculations as children grow. Oster encourages parents to assess the “marginal value of money” (157), noting that once a family’s needs are met, more money may be less valuable than the time sacrificed to earn that money. Ultimately, she advocates for an individualized approach to this decision, recognizing its complexity and the need for families to prioritize what works best for them.

The author discusses the challenging decisions parents face regarding childcare for their babies when both adults in the household work outside the home. Oster explores the contrasting childcare options available in different countries, using Sweden as an example of a country that provides generous government-funded options. In the United States, where such government provisions are lacking, parents find it challenging to decide among various childcare choices, such as daycare or hiring a nanny.

To simplify the decision-making process, Oster introduces the concept of a decision tree, urging parents to work backward, starting with their ideal choice of a nanny or daycare. She emphasizes the importance of quality in childcare and draws insights from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development (NICHD study). The study indicates that the quality of daycare, particularly the interaction between providers and children, significantly influences language development. However, Oster notes the challenge of disentangling daycare quality from other family factors. The chapter also touches on evaluating nanny quality, which is more subjective, relying on references and gut feelings.

Oster compares the outcomes associated with daycare and nanny arrangements, citing the NICHD study, which shows mixed cognitive effects and minimal behavior differences. Additionally, she considers factors like cost, convenience, and personal comfort, emphasizing that the choice between daycare and a nanny is a family decision that may evolve over time, possibly combining both options at different stages of a child’s development.

Oster refers to the plethora of books available on sleep training, each advocating different methods. The main divide is whether to embrace the “cry it out” approach or opt for gentler alternatives. She explores the arguments against “cry it out,” drawing connections to attachment parenting philosophy and referencing the tragic conditions in Romanian orphanages that influenced this approach. She emphasizes the theoretical concern that leaving a baby to cry might lead to feelings of abandonment and impact long-term attachment.

To assess the effectiveness of sleep training, Oster delves into research studies. She finds that “cry it out” methods, including Extinction, Graduated Extinction, and Extinction with Parental Presence, have been shown to be successful in improving infant sleep. The studies suggest that these methods not only benefit the child’s sleep but also contribute to positive outcomes for parents, reducing maternal depression and improving overall mental health.

The chapter addresses the question of potential harm from “cry it out” by examining both short-term and long-term impacts on infants. Oster discusses a Swedish study that contradicts concerns about decreased attachment and increased stress, finding that infants subjected to sleep training showed increased attachment and improved daytime behavior.

Oster acknowledges theoretical arguments against sleep training, such as the belief that infant crying is a distress signal that should not be ignored. She explores a study on cortisol levels in infants and mothers during sleep training, but the interpretation of the results is debated. The theoretical concerns revolve around the uncertainty of potential long-term effects, which are challenging to study. Despite the lack of perfect data, Oster concludes that the existing evidence supports the effectiveness of sleep training.

In the latter part of the chapter, Oster provides insights into choosing a specific sleep training method, emphasizing the importance of consistency. She also discusses the appropriate age to start sleep training, highlighting that goals may vary depending on the child’s age. Oster shares her personal experience with sleep training her children, detailing the approach she and her husband took, including the use of family task-management software for planning. She underscores the significance of having a written plan, agreeing with your partner, and recognizing that deviations may occur.

Oster discusses the introduction of solid foods to infants and explores the impact of early exposure to allergenic foods. Driven by research on peanut allergies, the chapter emphasizes the shift in advice from delaying exposure to introducing peanuts early in a child’s diet. Oster discusses a groundbreaking study by Gideon Lack and his colleagues, which demonstrated that early exposure to peanuts significantly reduced the risk of peanut allergies.

The chapter critiques traditional recommendations on transitioning to solid foods, citing a lack of concrete evidence for the suggested order and timing of food introductions. Oster explores the concept of baby-led weaning as an alternative to spoon-feeding purees, discussing its benefits and limitations based on available evidence. The author emphasizes the importance of repeated exposure to diverse flavors to shape a child’s food preferences and counters the concern of picky eating by advising against coercive feeding practices.

Oster addresses the introduction of allergens beyond peanuts, such as eggs, milk, and tree nuts, and suggests a cautious yet steady approach to exposing infants to these foods. The chapter also covers forbidden foods, including cow’s milk, honey, choking hazards, and sugar-sweetened beverages. Oster discusses the reasoning behind these prohibitions, highlighting the complexity of recommendations regarding cow’s milk due to its potential impact on allergen issues.

Additionally, the chapter addresses the need for vitamin supplementation, particularly focusing on vitamin D and iron for breastfed infants. Oster concludes by emphasizing the importance of a balanced and varied diet for infants, while acknowledging the challenges parents face in navigating feeding recommendations.