37 pages • 1 hour read
Henry Cloud, John TownsendBoundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 1992A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Key Figures
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are the co-authors of Boundaries and share a practice in Newport Beach, California. Cloud received his BS in psychology from Southern Methodist University and his PhD in clinical psychology from the Rosemead School of Psychology at Biola University. An accomplished therapist and author, Cloud continues to devote his career to faith-based therapy and leadership consulting. Townsend received his BA in psychology from North Carolina State University and also received his PhD in clinical psychology from Rosemead. To this day, Boundaries remains their most notable work together.
Within the context of the book, Cloud and Townsend often mention clients they worked with in order to illustrate key points about boundaries. As seasoned therapists, their approach is to analyze and interpret their work working with others, as opposed to revealing details about their own personal lives. Cloud and Townsend are at their most personal when it comes to their shared Christian faith, when they allude to the Bible as the ultimate source of wisdom—which helps ground their understanding of why boundaries are important on a spiritual level.
Bill
In Chapter 2, Cloud and Townsend tell the story of Bill, a 25-year-old man whose parents are deeply concerned about him. According to Bill’s parents, Bill has everything he needs, yet can’t seem to shake his problem with drug use or find a steady job. The authors advise that the parents set up boundaries in order to encourage Bill to live his own life by taking responsibility for his actions.
Bill’s example is emblematic of a recurring theme in the book—the power of “no.” As the authors explain Bill’s situation, they emphasize that his parents will only be able to help him establish autonomy by denying him. By refusing financial help, Bill’s parents set up a boundary based on clear expectations.
God
Cloud and Townsend frame God as a central figure by claiming that establishing healthy boundaries is an expression of God’s design for human relationships. The authors are clear in their objective and rationale for writing Boundaries: “Our goal is to help you use biblical boundaries appropriately to achieve the relationships and purposes that God intends for you as his child” (24). Without understanding how human beings relate to God, the authors’ arguments lose their context.
The authors go so far as to devote a chapter to the nature of boundaries between humans and God. While God in his omniscience still has access to human thoughts and desires, according to the authors, God still respects boundaries, allowing people to say “no” to him and leaving them to do things only they can do. In other words, God allows people to resolve their own conflicts and fight their own battles.
Robert
Like Bill, Robert’s example is representative of Cloud and Townsend’s client stories. Robert shares that he has trouble saying “no” to his wife’s demands, many of which cause financial stress for him. He traces his inability to say “no” to a childhood memory of being ganged up on by his sisters and never being able to say “no” to them. Robert’s parents also discouraged him from speaking up for himself whenever he had conflicts with his sisters.
The authors identify Robert’s example as a clear illustration of saying “yes” to the bad, which classifies Robert as a compliant. Unable or unwilling to speak up for their own needs due to a number of reasons (including fear of rejection and relational trauma), compliants such as Robert will say “yes” to anything in order to please those around them. At the heart of Robert’s issue lies the reason why boundaries are important.
Sherrie
Cloud and Townsend frame the character of Sherrie before and after she implemented boundaries in her life. Chapter 1 (“A Day in a Boundaryless Life”) is a play-by-play account of Sherrie’s life without boundaries. She’s frustrated with her mother and husband, overwhelmed by her roles as mother and fashion consultant—the source of her troubles being traced back to a lack of boundaries. The authors don’t specify if Sherrie is an actual client, which likely means that she’s fictional, even though her personal circumstances are quite plausible and relatable.
As a devout Christian, Sherrie pleads with God to help her understand why she’s so tired and sad, only to face the silence of an empty room. This was before she learned to establish healthy boundaries. In Chapter 16, the authors return to a Sherrie who since learned to balance her life, replacing the chaos described in Chapter 1 with “freedom, self-control, and intimacy” (285).
