54 pages • 1 hour read
S. J. WatsonBefore I Go to Sleep
Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2011A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Part 2, Chapters 5-6Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Part 2: “The Journal of Christine Lucas”
Part 2, Chapter 5 Summary: “Tuesday, November 13”
Christine’s journal recounts waking with no memories. After a call from Dr. Nash, she reads her journal. Again, Christine vividly remembers an incident with Ben in their old home. She recalls happily lying in bed with him until he had to catch his train. Ben whispered that he loved her, and the words sounded “forbidden and dangerous” (96). After he left, she went to her typewriter and tried to write the second chapter of her novel. Suffering from writer’s block, she went to the bookshelf and took down a copy of her first novel, For the Morning Birds.
Wondering if she did write a novel, Christine tries the computer keyboard and realizes she can touch type. She searches the house for her novel but cannot find it. She calls Dr. Nash, who confirms that her first novel was a modest commercial success. Christine was writing her second novel when she lost her memory.
When Ben returns from work, Christine says she remembers being a writer. Ben tells her that her mind is playing tricks on her. Christine reasons that Ben might be trying to protect her from the disappointment that she will never write another novel. She realizes that the journal is helping her discover the truth about herself.
Part 2, Chapter 6 Summary: “Wednesday, November 14”
Christine wakes up with no memories but knows she is an adult, not a child. She cannot remember who Ben is but is not surprised when she is reminded. She reads her journal when Dr. Nash calls but doubts her recollections of Ben and her novel. Christine calls Ben and asks if he ever had a mustache. He confirms that, for a short time, he did.
Later that day, Dr. Nash takes Christine for a brain scan. While in the MRI machine, she is shown pictures and asked to think of a memory. Christine remembers childhood birthday parties and looking out the window after losing her virginity at 17. She recognizes her mother and father in some of the photographs and her red-haired friend. Some pictures appear to be of strangers, including a man with a scar on one side of his face. Christine starts to panic, and she is taken out of the machine. Dr. Nash confirms that the images were a mixture of people she knew and random strangers. He says that she reacted most strongly to the photograph of her husband.
Dr. Nash gives Christine an envelope containing a copy of her first novel. When she gets home, Christine sees that she dedicated the book to her father. She remembers her father being gravely ill in the hospital and then recalls the day of his cremation. Also in the envelope is a review of Christine’s novel cut from a newspaper. The article includes a photograph of Christine as a young woman. She has a brief memory of when the photo was taken and feels sure she was pregnant with a son named Adam. Christine searches the house for pictures of Adam but finds none. She remembers him as a small boy, falling off his tricycle.
When Ben returns home, Christine asks him where Adam is. Ben tells her that Adam was a Royal Marine and was killed by a bomb in the Afghanistan war. He fetches a gray metal box that is locked. Inside are photos of Adam and his birth certificate. Christine mentions the house fire that destroyed many more photographs, and Ben says the fire was an accident. Christine assumes that she accidentally started the fire due to her amnesia and that Ben is withholding information to spare her further pain.
Ben says that Christine was an excellent mother until she lost her memory. He then brought Adam up with the help of his mother, as Christine was too ill. Christine suddenly remembers that her red-haired friend was named Claire. She asks Ben where Claire is now. Ben says that Claire moved to New Zealand about 20 years ago, and they lost touch. He shows her a photograph of Claire’s wedding day when Christine was a bridesmaid.
Christine undresses and notices her pregnancy stretch marks for the first time. She feels sorry for Ben, who must continually re-experience grief when he tells her about Adam. Briefly falling asleep in the bath, Christine thinks she is in a different bathroom. Dressing gowns hang on the door with the monogram R.G.H. She dreams of stepping out of the tub, slipping, and hitting her head. Crying, “Help me!” she wakes up and hears Ben calling her. She prepares for bed, hoping she will remember Adam in the morning.
Part 2, Chapters 5-6 Analysis
Christine recalls and records several crucial memories. She realizes she is a published writer and has a son called Adam. She also recalls the name of her best friend, Claire. These three facts are vital to Christine’s sense of identity as she realizes she has autonomy beyond her role as Ben’s wife: as an author, a mother, and a valued friend.
Recovering these memories, Christine realizes the essential role of her journal in establishing what she calls “my own truth, one I have not been told but have remembered” (106). However, her knowledge that she is a writer complicates her relationship with the journal, leading her to fear that it may be a work of fiction. Christine’s need to verify what she has written (for example, she calls Ben to check if he once had a mustache) emphasizes one of the novel’s themes: The Relationship Between Fiction and Memory.
Christine’s recollection of attempting to write a chapter of her second novel after an afternoon tryst with Ben intensifies the novel’s mystery. While the memory seems to prove that Christine and Ben were deeply in love, it also demonstrates that Ben lied to Christine when he denied she was a writer. Again, Watson inserts subtle clues to indicate Christine is remembering an affair rather than a marriage. For example, Ben’s confession of love sounded “forbidden and dangerous” (96), and his urgent need to catch the train indicates the imminent arrival of the real Ben.
Christine instinctively senses she should keep her journal a secret from Ben. While she reasons that she has nothing to fear from him, she somehow feels it would be dangerous. Christine begins to deceive Ben, passing off facts she has learned from her journal as vague memories. As she does so, her character gains agency, stripping Ben of some of his manipulative power.
The realization that Christine had a child is one of several dramatic revelations in the novel. The protagonist gains and loses a son as Ben confirms Adam’s existence but claims he died in Afghanistan. Christine’s initial response is to disbelieve Ben: a position she continually returns to. Her conviction that Adam is alive emphasizes the strength of the mother-child bond.
Watson uses these chapters to plant further clues that take on significance later in the novel. In the MRI machine, Christine believes that many of the photographs she sees are of strangers. However, several of these people are known to her, including the man with the scarred cheek, who is the real Ben. Chapter 6 introduces Christine’s first memory of the hotel room where she was attacked. In Part 3, we will learn that the R.G.H. monogram she recalls on the dressing gowns stands for the Rialto Guest House.
