"B" (If I Should Have a Daughter)

The poem’s opening line establishes the entire premise for the remainder of the poem, letting the reader know the speaker’s intention to detail, how she would treat her hypothetical daughter, and the advice she would give her. In lines 1-4, the narrator states that she will have her daughter call her “Point B” (Line 1), as a means of always being able to locate her. The language used here references points connecting a straight line (Point A and Point B). It is inferred that the daughter will be Point A, which will have a direct link with Point B (the mother), implying their closeness as well as a sense of direction or guidance.

In lines 5-8, the narrator says she will paint the solar systems on the back of her daughter’s hands so that she will know the whole universe before being able to say, “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand” (Line 5). These lines take figurative language—specifically the idiom “like the back of my hand”—and approach it using the literal language of painting images on the girl’s hands. In this way, the idiom is turned on its head, and the daughter will learn the universe by literally learning what is on the back of her hands. These lines also convey a sense of educating the daughter with knowledge about the universe.

The stanza of the poem states that the girl will learn how tough life can be when it hits her “hard, / in the face” (Lines 7-8) and then wait for her to get back up just so it can “kick [her] in the stomach” (Line 9). The structure of the poem mimics this violence; the way in which these lines visually trickle down the page, each delivering only a short phrase, are themselves like sharp blows. Each line lands like a punch or a kick, such that the language mimics the experience being described. The speaker insists that despite the inevitability of strife, having the wind knocked out of you is the only means of reminding the lungs “how much they like the taste of air” (Line 10). This metaphor compares life’s struggles to the infliction of physical blows that knock the wind out of us. Using this comparison, the speaker relays that it is through that suffering and struggle by which life is given meaning.

The speaker laments to her daughter that hurt exists “that cannot be fixed / by band aids or poetry” (Line 11), indicating the narrator’s fears about the pain her daughter will have to endure. The poem goes on to state that when the girl realizes “that Wonder Woman isn’t coming” (Line 12), the mother will ensure the girl will not “have to wear the cape all by herself” (Line 13). These lines contain an allusion to Wonder Woman, a superhero who comes to the rescue and is capable of handling anything with ease. Thus, the poem is implying that the girl will realize that no one will come to save her when she faces struggles, and she will have to save herself; however, the mother promises that the girl will not have to wear the cape alone, and she will thus have help. These lines introduce the theme of support for the girl provided by the mother. The speaker continues to state that despite how wide the daughter stretches her fingers, her hands will “be too small to catch all the pain” (Line 15) she would like to heal. These words speak to the theme of overcoming adversity, which runs throughout the poem. The mother is attempting to let her daughter know that some pain exceed her capacity to heal, but that she will not be alone in that pain. In fact, the speaker admits on a stand-alone line, “Believe me, I’ve tried” (Line 16), revealing her own empathy for the situation and the comfort available to her in a shared loss..

The following three stanzas address love relationships, warning her daughter not to “keep her nose up in the air” (Line 17), as it will only lead her to a boy in a burning house, or the boy who lit the fire. The mother acknowledges the daughter’s inevitable desire to help these boys, but she implies that these two inclinations—to save a boy and to change a boy— are futile and will only end in heartbreak.

This advice on romantic relationships continues in Stanza eight, where the speaker advises her daughter to always keep a supply of chocolate and rainboots nearby because, according to her, “there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix” (Line 25). She goes on to admit that some heartbreaks cannot be fixed by chocolate and explains that this is what the rainboots are for: “Because rain will / wash away everything if you let it” (Lines 27-28). Here, the speaker is providing mother–daughter advice on an important issue—matters of the heart. Again, the theme of adversity is explored, this time in the context of romance and how to deal with heartbreak. While the speaker’s bold and somewhat flippant assertion that “there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix” (Line 25), she amends that statement for more earnest advice that rain, here symbolizing tears, will cleanse the heart and provide a fresh start “if you let it” (Line 28).

In stanza 10, the narrator states that she would like her daughter to view the world “through the underside of a glass bottomed boat” (Line 29). The ocean is a mystifying place about which humanity knows very little due to the difficulty in reaching its vast depths. By comparison, the mother would like the girl to see life with a clarity that is rarely experienced. Going on, the narrator says she wants the daughter to examine with a microscope “galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind” (Line 30). These lines provide some vast and complex imagery about the scope of human knowledge. On one hand there is the inner mystery of the planet, like galaxies hidden in the vast oceans of Earth. The speaker then turns her gaze outward to the galaxies—immense things—that are said to exist on the mere “pinpoint” (Line 30) of the mind. These vast and deep unknown spaces imply that much is known, but that knowledge is small in comparison to what her daughter has yet to discover.

The speaker then states that this is how her own mother taught her, that “there’ll be days like this my mama said” (Line 33)—an allusion to the classic 1961 song “Mama Said” by The Shirelles. This introduces the theme of  passing on knowledge through the generations, from mother to daughter. The speaker outlines the disappointment the girl will encounter as she grows up: Opening her hands only to wind up with “blisters and bruises” (Line 34); trying to save the same people “who are the ones standing on [her] cape” (Line 36); and rain that will fill her boots so she is “up to [her] knees in disappointment” (Line 37). . These lines return to concepts from previous parts of the poem regarding adversity, including wounds caused by struggles, the reference to a superhero, and the rain.

In stanza twelve and thirteen, the narrator asserts ironically that these hard times should be when the daughter is the most grateful, because nothing is more beautiful “than the way the ocean refuses to stop / kissing the shoreline” (Lines39-40), despite the number of times it is swept away. This continues the theme of the recurring patterns of life, reinforcing that there is beauty in winning and losing, and love in continuing the fight.

In stanza 15, the speaker states that she hopes that no matter the number of “land mines” (Line 43) that erupt, she hopes that the girl’s “mind lands on the beauty” of life (Lines 44). This presents a play on the similarity between the phrases “land mines”—destructive things—and “mind lands” (Line 44), which is used in reference to the girl finding beauty in life. Through this word play, what is destructive—and thus harmful—in life is turned into something constructive, holding the potential of beauty to be sought and found.

The speaker admits to “overtrusting” (Line 45) others and being “pretty damn naïve” (Line 45) herself, but she states that she wants her daughter to know that the world is made of sugar; while it crumbles easily, this does not mean she should be too afraid to taste it. In these verses, the speaker communicates her own vulnerability to her daughter, along with the fragility of the world itself, emphasizing that neither of these things should hold her daughter back from experiencing life. The world is thus a fragile place but one worth experiencing.

The narrator goes on to tell the daughter that her mother is a “worrier” (Line 49) and her father is a “warrior” (Line 50), and that she is “the girl with small hands and big eyes” (Line 51) who continuously asks for more. The girl’s small hands refer to the limitations of her body and experience in the world, while her big eyes and tendency to ask for more refer to her tenacity and sense of curiosity about the world.

The speaker tells the girl to apologize when she has done something wrong but not for the way her “eyes refuse to stop shining” (Line 54), teaching her a lesson in accountability while honoring herself. The speaker goes on to say, “your voice is small, but don’t ever stop singing” (Line 55), conveying a sense of courage in vulnerability—of keeping the shining eyes and small voice of a child without being discouraged.

The poem concludes with the speaker telling her daughter that when she encounters heartache, war and hatred, cynicism and defeat, that she should tell those who deliver it to her, “they / really ought to meet your mother” (Lines 59-60). These final lines convey a resounding sense of the support the mother would have for her daughter, no matter what life has in store for her.