Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

In Atlas of the Heart, Brown explores the theme of emotional granularity. She believes emotions are nuanced and having a nuanced vocabulary for our experience helps us better understand ourselves, connect with others, and can even shape our experiences. 

First, Brown shows how emotional granularity helps us better process and understand our own experiences. Before we can hope to make connections with others or express our experience we need to know what that experience is. Brown believes that having a wide vocabulary for and understanding of the human experience helps us make meaning of our own experiences and feel more connected to ourselves. She states, ““Language is our portal to meaning-making-connection, healing, learning, and self-awareness. Having access to the right words can open up entire universes” (xxi). For example, Brown explains how worry is repeated negative thought patterns about the future. While this can feel like we are doing something productive by envisioning all possible outcomes, it usually is just a way of avoiding the real feeling underneath our worry—fear, shame, resentment, etc. With this knowledge about what worry is, we can pause when we are stuck in negative forecasting; we can pause and examine what is going on beneath the worry. Brown says, “Rather than suppressing worry, we need to dig into and address the emotion driving the thinking” (11). We can be more present to whichever of those feelings is really occurring with this nuanced understanding of worry. This is true of other emotions too. For example, sarcasm often happens after something unexpected happens. Understanding the nuance of the unexpected event (do we feel disappointment, regret, etc.?) can make us more present in our experience. Brown believes that having the language for our own experience is transformative: “What I learned about language and how some of these experiences work together felt like a life jacket for me—something that would keep me afloat” (9). The result of understanding emotions is powerful. Brown explains that we are often hesitant to admit to feeling envious because sometimes we desire others to be brought down a peg when we are envious of them. Brown hypothesizes why this might be the case but notes that “[r]egardless of whether we choose to change our language or not, understanding the nuances of that language can help us ask ourselves the right questions when we’re experiencing jealousy or envy” (29). By knowing the signs of and nuance between experiences, we can better ask ourselves questions about our experiences and be present with them rather than numbing or ignoring them.

Secondly, having a wide vocabulary for emotions and experiences shapes meaningful connections by helping us communicate our needs and empathize with others. Brown insists that we cannot read other people’s emotions, and it’s dangerous to assume that we know what they are experiencing. However, having an understanding of emotional nuance can help us better listen and understand when others communicate with us. Brown says, “Without understanding how our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors work together, it’s almost impossible to find our way back to ourselves and each other” (xx). For example, Brown explains the difference between stress and overwhelm with the phrases she learned in the restaurant industry: “in the weeds” and “blown.” When someone says that they’re “in the weeds” (stressed), they need assistance to reduce their load. When they’re blown, they need to detach from the situation: “When you’re blown, you can either step outside or into the cooler or go to the bathroom (and cry). Whatever you need” (5). Only by having the proper language and understanding can we be there for others. Brown uses the example of her expectations on her birthday. Once, she was upset because she woke up and didn’t see any decorations, which was a tradition in her family. She told her therapist that “If I have to ask, it’s not worth it” (47). Her therapist challenged her thinking, explaining that perhaps Brown was withholding her experience because she didn’t feel worthy of attention. Brown warns that these “stealth expectations” can get in the way of our relationships personally and professionally. Only by communicating our needs can others know how to help us. Similarly, only by knowing how to listen and what others are talking about can we present their experiences. 

Finally, Brown shows how the language we use for our experience is so powerful it can shape our experience. Understanding emotional granularity can change our experiences. She uses the example of anxiety and excitement to develop this part of the theme. She says, “Anxiety and excitement feel the same, but how we interpret and label them can determine how we experience them” (12). She recommends the strategy of breathing and trying to determine whether we feel anxious or excited when we feel the physical traits. Later in the book, she explains how the practice of hope or the practice of gratitude can make us feel more hopeful or more grateful. This shows how having the language for emotion not only helps us express and connect but can even change our experiences.