An Ideal Husband

“Men can be analysed, women […] merely adored.”

Mrs. Cheveley’s remark contrasts markedly with the attitude of Lady Chiltern, who frequently protests against the notion that women are merely objects of desire and advocates for their societal advancement. However, Mrs. Cheveley’s own life belies the position she expresses, implying a cynical reason for her endorsement of convention: It allows her to avoid scrutiny. The play thus satirizes the self-righteousness of Lady Chiltern and her adversaries alike, painting “proper” traditional gender roles as morally bankrupt.

“Even you are not rich enough, Sir Robert, to buy back your past. No man is.”

Mrs. Cheveley tells Sir Robert he does not have the power to change what he’s done. This quote reveals the limitations of wealth, thereby suggesting that power is limited and that humanity—one’s flaws but also, the play suggests, their strengths—reigns supreme.

“One’s past is what one is. It is the only way by which people should be judged.”

This quote from Lady Chiltern, which she delivers to Lord Goring while emphasizing her husband’s pure and moral character, serves as dramatic irony. The reader (and Lord Goring) knows that she is unwittingly condemning Sir Robert for his past and therefore slandering his character even while she praises it.

“Circumstances should never alter principles.”

Lady Chiltern expresses this absolutist statement to Sir Robert when he tries to his secret. Her inflexibility contributes to Wilde’s critique of the kind of “love” she espouses, which makes no allowance for circumstance, and develops the contrast between Fashionable Morality Versus Authentic Marriage.

“Public and private life are different things. They have different laws, and move on different lines.”

Through Lord Goring, Wilde critiques the notion that private and public lives should have any bearing on one another—an implicit challenge to the value Victorian society placed on reputation as a mark of character. The play frequently returns to this sentiment, using Mrs. Cheveley’s publicization of intimate letters to suggest the sordidness of public interest in people’s private lives.

“Life is never fair, Robert, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.”

Lord Goring’s remark implies that humanity is deeply flawed: Strict fairness, he suggests, would dictate that most people would have to suffer. This is key to Lord Goring’s philosophy of compassion and forgiveness; strict “justice” is immoral because it fails to understand or appreciate people as they are.

“Every man of ambition has to fight his century with its weapons. What this century worships is wealth.”

Sir Robert tells Lord Goring that he had to obtain wealth to fight, and survive, his century. His remark implicitly critiques society for prioritizing wealth above all else, including morals and especially love. It also reveals the impossibility of adhering to absolutist moral standards in a world that is (despite its pretensions) itself immoral; Sir Robert wants to do good, but he can only access power through underhanded means.

“That is the reason they are so pleased to find out other people’s secrets. It distracts public attention from their own.”

Lord Goring’s comment on gossip suggests that scandal serves to bring attention to other people’s purported faults and thus divert attention from one’s own. This suggests, as Goring often does throughout the play, that no one is faultless and that Victorian society is hypocritical.

“In every nature there are elements of weakness, or worse than weakness.”

Lord Goring highlights the realities of human nature—that humans aren’t, and will never be, flawless. His remark contributes to the play’s discourse on what constitutes “weakness” and whether it might in some sense be a strength. For instance, Mabel later quips that Lord Goring’s “weak nature”—i.e., his apparent superficiality—renders him impervious to his father’s “influence,” implying that it constitutes a kind of moral principle.

“Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern. One is apt to grow old fashioned quite suddenly.”

Wilde notes the rapid pace of change in Victorian England through the characters’ dialogue. Lady Markby’s paradoxical remark suggests the rapidity with which people can shift their beliefs and practices, thus revealing how flimsy their values are. Her remark also suggests that by adopting trends simply to become modern means that one will soon become outdated as those trends fade.

“Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.”

Mrs. Cheveley suggests that morality is not a matter of principle but rather a convenient way to condemn objects or people one dislikes. While the play certainly critiques Victorian morality, it stops short of endorsing Mrs. Cheveley’s moral nihilism; the problem, characters like Lord Goring instead suggest, is that what passes for morality is not moral at all.

“It is when we are wounded by our own hands, or by the hands of others, that love should come to cure us—else what use is love at all.”

Sir Robert suggests that love should exist in humanity’s weakest moments; in fact, love’s greatest purpose should be to heal humanity when it’s hurting. This runs in direct opposition to Victorian society’s implication—and, more specifically, his wife’s stated belief—that only the purest and most moral are worthy of love.

“Women think that they are making ideals of men. What they are making of us are false idols merely.”

Sir Robert reveals to his wife that her high expectations of him only create impossible standards that crush him. The pun on ideals/idols reveals a key theme in the play—that high-minded ideals only serve to create “false idols” and do not offer space for growth or true love.

“Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself.”

Lord Goring takes comfort in being alone because he is often alone in his opinions about and experiences of society. He must repeatedly challenge the people around him and very rarely has anyone to keep up with him. In addition, his attitudes about what it important in life often conflict with other people’s views, making social interaction frustrating.

“I used to think ambition the great thing. It is not. Love is the great thing in the world.”

Sir Robert compares love to ambition and realizes love is more important. In an era where progress is everything, such a statement rejects Victorian society as a whole, which signals Sir Robert’s character growth. In this new attitude, he is more aligned with Lord Goring’s views.

“If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.”

This is the play’s only reference to Ireland and England. Oscar Wilde, who was Irish, notes the conflict between the two regions at a time when England’s rule over Ireland was beginning to slip amid increased Irish agitation for independence. Speaking through Mrs. Cheveley, Wilde plays with stereotypes: He implies the Irish are unruly but also that the English are boorish and London itself “uncivilized.” The passage thus dabbles in Irish nationalism to further its critique of the vacuousness of Victorian society.

“In the case of very fascinating women, sex is a challenge, not a defence.”

Lord Goring here counters Mrs. Cheveley’s implication that he is being unchivalrous by insulting her marital history. His response reflects his general disdain for social norms—specifically, those surrounding gender, which Mrs. Cheveley has attempted to weaponize to deflect criticism.

“There’s only one real tragedy in a woman’s life. The fact that her past is always her lover, and her future invariably her husband.”

Mrs. Cheveley notes that women must reckon with their age and lack of agency in Victorian society; their youth—and therefore their social capital—eventually fades, and their worlds become their marriages. Her summary of women’s plight suggests her own motivations and thus humanizes her as an antagonist. By characterizing the past as a “lover,” she evokes nostalgia and its accompanying idealism, while the future, as husband, centers on duty and obligation.

“Youth isn’t an affectation. Youth is an art.”

In response to his father’s accusation of willful immaturity, Lord Goring gestures to the idea of Life as Art, arguing that youth is a form of art that those who fear it fail to appreciate. His distinction between affectation and art is telling; for Lord Goring, there is nothing superficial about beauty, vivacity, or any other quality associated with youth rather than old age and tradition.

“I feel so happy that I am quite sure I have no character left at all.”

In context, Mabel is alluding to the “scandal” of a woman making her feelings for a man publicly known, as she has by failing to hide her love for Lord Goring; she jokes that he should not even speak with a woman who would behave as she has. However, Mabel also uses the strictures on women’s behavior to satirically point out that to have character in Victorian society means to live without happiness, particularly with regard to love.

“How many men there are in modern life who would like to see their past burning to white ashes before them!”

Sir Robert acknowledges that he would not be the only one glad to see past secrets erased. This quote further supports the play’s contention that most people have something to hide that they are afraid society might discover. The irony is that despite such secrecy being widespread, society still condemns those whose secrets are discovered.

“We men and women are not made to accept such sacrifices from each other. We are not worthy of them.”

Discussing Sir Robert’s offer to leave politics, Lord Goring tells Lady Chiltern that men and women shouldn’t make grand gestures premised on abstract morals; doing so is another way of idealizing one’s partner and therefore failing to appreciate their humanity. Instead, husbands and wives should work to accept each other’s flaws.

“I forgive. That is how women help the world.”

Wilde frequently condemns Victorian society’s positioning of women as moral guardians. Here, however, the play embraces a modified form of this role; Lady Chiltern’s character growth reveals that women should abandon rigid morality in favor of forgiveness, but it still suggests that women can best influence society through indirect moral influence.