A Tale Of A Tub

This selection includes a short summary of Jack, Martin, and Peter’s previous adventures. Martin and Jack have parted. Peter would not give Martin shelter. Martin traveled to the Thuringians, who resided near his land. He disavowed Peter’s remedies. In fact, he had never financially benefited from them. He also struck a bargain with a Northern Lord so that he could have a second wife. Infuriated, Peter sent his bulls to eat Martin, but Martin defended himself. There was a war between the brothers and desolation ensued.

Harry Huff (Henry VIII) sent a force to fight Martin. They had a formal prizefight and both won. However, Peter gave Harry a cap to commemorate his victory. Then Harry Huff fought with Peter over a woman (Ann Boleyn). Meanwhile, some of Huff’s tenants talked kindly of Martin and Peter, so he beat them and turned them out. 

Harry Huff died and was succeeded by “a good-natured boy” (170), Edward VI. He allowed Martin’s ideas to spread. After Edward VI died, the farm went to Queen Mary, who loved Peter. She hated Martin, however, and drove him out. Peter could sell his salves again. Peter’s followers went abroad and took a liking to Jack’s followers, and they came back in force with a female leader more cunning than Queen Mary: Queen Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth tried to please each brother, but she could not and set up her own farm with its own salve business, stealing most of her ideas from Peter. She even wore that cap that Peter had given to her father, Henry VIII. She was succeeded in turn by James I, a “ North-country farmer” (171) who could not keep a larger farm in order. Peter and Martin continued to fight, and they hung the landlord (Charles I), who said he died for Martin, although he actually had affection for Peter.

The author will have to go into more depth in a larger treatise. However, he will assert here that men have the right to take from each other the things that they want. The greater the success at doing this, the greater the hero he is: “Thus greater souls, in proportion to their superior merit, claim a greater right to take everything from meaner folks” (174). The more competent one is, the more skills and right they have to take from the less competent. 

He goes on to touch upon war and how it works to enforce subordination, as well as peace at home, and is a cure for corruption. Those who cannot wage war themselves can get someone else to do it for them: “Most professions would be useless if all were peaceable” (174). Indeed, industry thrives on war. Only man is capable of this, not brutes, who presumably do not have the inclination or the intelligence to carry out a full war.

Jack has gotten rid of his old landlord, Charles I, and got another, while also fighting with Martin. The new landlord also fights Peter and worries Martin. Jack’s friends disturbed the whole equilibrium. Charles II came in with Martin, and Martin re-established his movement. Charles II was then succeeded by James II, who was a friend to Peter and gave Jack his freedom, while Martin had to lay low. Martin then brought in a foreigner—William III. William III threw out James II. Jack and Martin fought against Peter, who left the country. Jack got a Northern territory, but his followers had freedom in the South, as well, and Martin got upset with the way that William III was ruling the country. Martin and Jack tried to rise up against Peter, but Peter’s followers infiltrated Martin’s camp and disrupted things. Martin began to look like Peter. The author then lost his train of thought.

The author will print a subscription set of 96 volumes called Terra Australis incognita. It will show detailed descriptions of the best places to reside in Australia, a penal colony. He suggests that he will start a friend in the business of rescuing those on the way to Australia from shipwrecks. It will be a lucrative idea.